You’ve really captured something important about the nature of each Pevensie, but especially Susan in this brief space. I’m truly impressed ( and I share your opinion about TLB).

beautiful, beautiful work here. an outlook on susan that i actually read and enjoyed. i love your writing. keep up the good work. :) :D

Oh man, this is lovely and painful and melancholic and GAH. For all that it's written in sort of vignettes, it tracks Susan's development, I guess you'd call it, really well. She's a hard character to write, particularly given her ending in canon, but I think your take on her-how she turned her back on Narnia in response to what she saw as Aslan's betrayal by 'kicking her out'-is spot-on. Having Edmund being the one who forgives her but still keeps trying to reach her is perfect, because that's absolutely in line with his character.

And since he's my favorite, I *loved* how you represented Peter in this; the lines about him leaving scorch marks on the world and burning himself to ash are just beautifully poignant. It really captures the idea of Peter trying to go from warrior and king and leader to just Peter again, cramming all of that into the body of a schoolboy, and of course there's going to be overflow. (I'd love to see a fic like this one tracking Peter through the series.) Just...fantastic job on this, especially that ending line.

Oh, Su...

I have liked this story for a long time, but I am only now getting around to reviewing it. Sorry. :)

I have to say that this is my favorite Susan piece that I've ever read. Ever. I consider this canon, and I quote your line about the definition of insanity all the time.

About the story itself, it is perfect. There is nothing to wish was different, nothing I think is out of character, no mistakes that detract from the impact of the words. You wrote this perfectly.

I love how Edmund doesn't really answer her question regarding Aslan, but instead reminds her of the certainty of their love for Narnia. I like his philosophy on how love cannot be viewed objectively and still be alive. I like how his closing argument is the plainly visible proof of Peter, proof that even Susan can't ignore.

So, I can't really say much because I'm not that good with words - but I love this piece and I just wanted to make sure everyone could know that.

Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us on this site.

Like:)

nicely done. I enjoyed how you delved into Susan, allowing us to see her character evolve. Post-Narnia Susan fics are always difficult, but you did well. Using the theme of time throughout the story really brought it all together quite nicely. Kudos! I enjoyed reading this. :)

Let me just start by saying that I loved this fic.

I was surprised to see that it has such a low number of reviews, actually, because it was concise, believable (if not a little beyond my area of expertise), emotional, philosophical, and above all very well written! I love your writing style - the detached modernist form lends itself beautiful to the metaphysical and abstract subject matter of the story.

The plot itself is minimal but driving, coming across clearly in every line, which a trait highly desirable in a fic this short. The only real fault I found (and it's hardly a fault) was that Susan and Edmund's philosophy, while highly interesting, is a bit too conceptual for the average young reader. (Or people with really bad theorizing skills...like me...:)

And it's not often that I say this, but I found no physical mistakes, spelling or otherwise. You have an admirable vocabulary and grasp of syntax! :D

(I'm really not supposed to tell you this, but I'm a screener from NFFR and this review is basically my official response to this submission - I voted a hearty yes to accepting it! So hopefully we'll see you soon on NFFR's directory. :})

I'm definitely adding this to my favs list. Keep up the fantastic work!

~Sushi

PS: On LJ I'm makinhistory - nice to see another journaler! :)

This is fantastic. You've a style that's completely unique; compelling yet, almost, dark. The present tense is used to perfection here; there's an urgency that doesn't feel rushed, though that doesn't really make sense. And your language usage! It's beautiful, particularly your referring to Peter as leaving scorch marks on the world, and your closing section. Bravo.

Honestly, this was perfect. It was both witty and intelligent without being dull. The format the Pevensie's writing letters was a nice touch; something I haven't seen done. Points for originality. I must say, the ending paragraph was gold. Your grammar was spot on, which is always good too. Great job here. You've created an awesome story. :)

I love it! I liked this line especially:

“I won’t pine for a land that refused to have me!” she snaps, and it’s the last time Peter hears her speak of Narnia.

That's painful. I like how you make Susan not a jerk the way Peter makes her out to be in TLB.

Great job!

PS- I followed the link from NFFR's forums! Welcome to the club! :D

Interesting way to tackle susan. If it still feels unfinished to you tryy putting yourself in susans shoes, would she find herself and narnia or would she coast through life forcing herself to be half a person? Just a thought that may help :)

All right...I'm obsessed with your stories, haha. This is really nice. You've portrayed Susan's point of view beautifully and I especially love the exchanges between her and Edmund. And you always have certain lines that are just *wonderful* "Peter is burning himself and everyone around him to ashes." That is just beautiful...what an image. I also must admit that I really like this because of why Susan begins to forget and look away from Narnia. Sometimes it's hard being an atheist who loves Narnia, so it's nice to have these stories that don't beat you over the head with the lame "Susan doesn't believe in God anymore OH NOES!" type of a deal, LOL. Loved this, looking forward to your next piece :)

Very good. I love stories like this - ones that give a different insight into the way Susan may have been thinking.

Well done - i really liked it. It was different too, how it was written in half letter format.

Great work, i loved it. :)

Love Bundi

Ooh, nice. Didn't seem unfinished to me at all. The Edmund parts were the best; I always see him as understanding Susan better than the others too. You did something interesting by having her continue to acknowledge Narnia to Ed, which I think was a nice touch. Nice work!