wow u sure this is ur first time? Damn

Not exactly the most genius plan I’ve ever had, thought Axel grimly, but hey, this is me we’re talking about, my logic does not tend to resemble earth logic." XD! that seems so like me!

Axie! i do not think i have ever thought to call him that!

i must admit, i did not understand the beggining from the summary. but after a while i got it.

WHOOT! SEME-ROXAS!

This is your first fanfiction? Seriously? Wow. You must have some guts to do a lemon your first time. I've been posting for about 6 months now and I still don't have the guts to write one. Don't see many with Roxas on top either. It's usually always Axel. It was good though. Really good. The only criticism I can think of is on the ringtone part and that's not really important. It's just that it confused me at first since you didn't explain what it was until afterwards. The actual phone call with Marluxia was kinda funny. Just the fact that he would actually do that. But when I think about it, it does seem kinda like something he would do. Love to you for the fic. If you keep writing like this I'm sure you'll do well on this site. I'll be sure to look forward to your future stories. Bye.

Your first one-shot! I'm so proud of you.

It's still as good as it was when I was reading it the first time, but better, as it's actually on . Yeah, that makes it better xP

Good work!

*Dies from blood loss*