i loved it

i loved it

i loved it

i loved it

i loved it

uhmm... i don't get it... i'm confuse by the story... what exactly happen to them? and what's brooklyn doing there?... ugh... i'm confuse... well other than that i say it's good... especially Tala chewing Brian... hehehe *gigle*

Lol. I love the end where Tala was chewing on Bryan's arm. So kawaii! I just had the pic in my head!

Bad Ray, Tyson, Mr. Dickenson, and Kenny! Bad! But good Maxie! (glomps the blonde)

It's still lacks a certain detail...like what Bryan did to Kai to make him guilty or what happened to Brooklyn and Kai and why they purr - which is so cute! KAWAII! - but other than a few details added to your fic, you've come a long way! (glomps) Congrats!

Hope you had fun at your ROTC camp!

Update soon.

Ja Ne

Miz

Ok this chapter seemed a bit strange and jumpy and it felt like there was a gap between this and your last one. Like when did Brooklyn and the Bladebreakers show up and how is it that Kai's purring when he's supposed to be a phoenix? Well update soon I can't wait to see the next chapter.

Well that was a bit better and explained a little bit but I'm still wondering how Sai can be there? Even if he is like an aparition or something. I'm curious to see what you're going to do with this fic. Update soon.

An alright chapter but a little confusing. It jumped around a lot. And Sai is alive? How is that possible? Well keep it up can't wait to see rest of the fic.

Well, that helped, though I'm still confused on the order of these last two chapters. ' Sorry!

I sorry you have the evil bastard...(ahem..) writer's block. Sorry, he and I do not get along very well...

Sometimes, when I have writer's block, I think about what I want to say in the story. Then, I try and figure out ways that will depict that. Okay, that's easier said then done, but still. If you can get a "storyline" written out that may help. Also, what I like to do is write out kind of like a layout with the beginning, middle, and end of the fic. It's rather easy to do with chapter fics. If you can write out what you want to happen in the beginning, middle, and end, that might help you decide where to go.

From what you've explained so far, this is relating to some prophesy that revolves around Kai, Tala, Ian, Bryan, and Spencer. Also, people who are connected with the prophesy at the moment are Kai's brother, Kurai, Dranzer, B. Dranzer, and Brooklyn. You've also stated that each one has a power (or so I think with Ian saying that chant) and something happened just then when the little pipsqueak (aka Ian) said Kurai's name. Elaborate on that aspect.

There are different things that you can do to come up with more chapters. Also, if you want, I like to have friends of mine, or other writers, look at my story and tell me what they want to know about the thing (such as things I've left out, etc.), and asking (if you're really stuck) if there are things readers want to happen in the story. Though, I would suggest only resorting to that under extreme measures.

Good luck, and I hope Satan's spawn (aka writer's block) lets go of you soon.

Ja Ne

Miz

(scratches head) Okay, I'm sorry to say that I'm utterly confused...When did Sai come in, and what the heck are they talking about?

Sorry, but there seems like there is supposed to be another chapter before this or some sort of information on how Sai got there, how they can see him, their reactions to him (he is a ghost after all...I doubt anyone would react calmly when seeing their first ghost...), and a little more information on Brooklyn's account...

Sorry, but this chapter's just got a few holes in it that are making me confused. I don't mean to sound like a bad guy here, or like I'm downing your work. I'm not, just trying to help.

It all comes down to the two facts of details and knowing everything as a writer that I've already explained. It's frustrating, but it gets easier. Promise. I still cringe at my earlier work...

Well, update soon!

Ja Ne

Awe, you're so welcome! (glomp)

FINALLY THE PROPHESY! Gosh...took forever...(can't complain though...I still haven't fully revealed my own in my fic...')

Update soon, and no margaritas this time!

Ja Ne

Oh that was good. Nice to see some better description in here though it could still use a bit of work and your grammar is still a little jumbled but it's not bad. Your chapters could be a little longer too but that'll come with practice in writing as your ideas flow more willingly. I find that with writing it helps to think as if no one knows what you're writing about and you write as if you're painting a picture with words. Despite needing a little work on your formatting it was a good chapter. So Kai killed his brother? Poor little phoenix but I'm glad he got some of his memory back. And what is this prophecy you speak of? I can't wait to find out what's going to happen next so please update soon.

Now THAT was good. I feel like I understand a lot better now. Good with the details, too!

Poor Kai, though...And people wonder why I don't like Voltaire or Boris? -_-'

Anyways, good chapter. I'm glad you added the details, too. It makes a lot more sense now.

Update soon!

Ja Ne

Miz