reading this feels like the game itself.

... getting into her head now are we... well I am not one to judge seeing as it will probably play a big part in the later part of the story.

oooohh...the intrigue!

lol...that was a...weird way to say it...but still, nice job! i'm gonna have a hard time waiting for the next update!

Mr. Gasbomb

The tense changed a couple of times, flipping between present and past, but other than that it was quite well-written. I rather like the idea of it. Keep going with it~!

~Marie Ciel

nice small chapter ... Update when next you can. looking forward to the Devastation event that is to occur.

nice update when next you can

a little short...but a pretty good boss idea! (lemme guess, u got the idea from Thardus?)

I like it so far. Keep up the good work.

nice chapter update soon

great story and I can't wait for the next chapter

something tells me that all hell is about to break loose.

If you think Samus is dead, You've got a whole 'nother thing coming!

H-Hey! What's the big idea!

nice story rather interesting. keep writing.

Give enough background of Samus so readers know where in the series they are. Give detail of situations and actions, describe locations and physical features of people and things to make the reader feel as if they are really there. Use commas. I cannot stress the use of commas enough. You may have a great story, which you do, but readers will lose interest before they finish even a short story like this if you don't seperate sentences where they need seperating. Re-read your story several times before you post, making sure that everything is clean and neat and that nothing is out of place. Also, last but definitely not least, use page breaks. Use them to seperate paragraphs when you are switching the POV to a different character so that readers are not disoriented.

You have great potential. I look forward to another story.

Inoctutalie