Posted 7 December 2013, at the Starwarsknights web site and the Lucasforums Coruscant Entertainment Center in my The Critic's Two Cents.

Almost 500 years after the Original KOTOR Games: An Historian finds a diary

The piece is interesting in the same way the old Alec Guinness movie Kind Hearts and Coronets was fun. Here we have a man trapped in a cell, writing his memoirs of his deeds, with only two people he has contact with, one of whom would destroy the work if he saw it, the other requiring him to write it while being watched.

When I reached the end of chapter one, I was wondering about history, my one great passion. What would Hitler have written sitting in Spandau Prison to justify his actions? Or Napoleon on St Helena (He was imprisoned twice, once before on Elba, but after Waterloo he was then sent to St Helena where he died) to show why he was right and the world was wrong?

The only negative I see is that as a military leader, Murder is not a valid crime unless they are committed personally. As was said in Apocalypse Now, charging someone with murder in a war is like writing speeding tickets at Indy.

It was getting interesting; especially his diatribe against the Jedi, and specifically the Council. I wish I had a chance to read further.

This is unusual and really interesting. Thank you for writing.

Well then, that was quite a hiatus on my part. It's funny how losing my job put everything else on hold: writing, reading; caring, to an extent. Nut now I"m back on all accounts (including the job) and I'm so happy I came back to this story. I hate leaving things unread once started.

Anyway, I really liked this chapter. "Filler" chapters used to bridge a gap can sometimes be boring or pointless, but this one was neither, methinks. It was a great way to span the length of his mourning and I'm happy you didn't choose to dwell on it (you know, three chapters of Aetius crying "woe is me").

And now I'm intruiged about his perceived fall from grace. I suppose that came when he killed Kalkannis but that's less interesting than what he will do (or did) for the Revolution. Can't wait to (finally) read on.

Okay, I was so enticed by your story that I just decided to read every remaiing chapter at once. I honestly couldn't stop reading, it was like putting down an XBOX360 controller right before closing the Great Gate of Oblivion. It's too irresistible, know what I mean? And because I read three chapters at once, I thought it'd be kinda stupid to review all of them separately, as I would have to pretend I didn't know anything about the outcome in chapters 13 and 14. And I don't roll like that. So I'll just go over everything I can think of right now.

Chapter 13 actually had an action scene! Nice job, man, it was really good. Everything was very clear to me, and that’s what is most important when writing out a battle, because they tend to confuse the reader a lot. But not here, no sir! It shows how multi-talented you are. I think chapter 13 was one of the most emotionally charged chapters of the story, because Aetius was really confronted with is past for the first time since 'falling'. You described everything very well: how a proud, succesfull rebellion transforms into a pathetic movement that is hiding in a dark corner, bleeding to death. And eventually Aetius got captured, by Gamaliel no less! That must have been the worst part for Aetius, being in the state of mind he was in. It’s also the chapter where he got his radiation sickness, although I believe it was only enhanced by his dark-side connection. I mean, a Jedi could cure from radiation disease (at least, I would imagine), but the fact that he was so corrupted and self-centred and his inability to look beyond his own limited scope were possibly the reason he died without healing. It’s like treating cancer while you’re dying of aids, to say it in metaphors.

One thing that’s bothering me though (and I’m just mentioning this because I want to have at least a little bit of criticism) is the fact that he got sentenced to death. I mean, Jedi do not execute their prisoners, do they? Not that it would matter because he would’ve died anyway but still… I can imagine you replying something like “yeah, but he was a prisoner of the Republic and they do execute their prisoners,” but I find that somewhat farfetched. Wasn’t it Gamaliel who captured him? Wouldn’t that make him Gamaliel’s prisoner and therefore a prisoner of the Jedi Order? And, knowing very well that the Republic wants to see blood,I can see Gamaliel turning him over the Republic. This is the only thing that really bothers me, everything else is superb.

Chapter 14 was mainly just to lull the readers into a false state of outrage, I suppose. And it worked extremely well, really. It achieved its purpose to the letter. I do have one problem with chapter 14, though. I think it would’ve been better if it was written in a resent tense, rather than in a past tense. After all, those events are all taking place at that very moment. It just didn’t seem logical to me that Aetius was describing how the Republic hated him, while they were still in the process of doing so! You know what I mean? But that’s about it concerning the criticism. A short chapter, but oh so important for the story, as it is the one that really draws away the reader from the truth, therefore strengthening the eventual outcome and making the surprise even bigger. This chapter was one of the most essential ones, even though it was one of the shortest. Of course I knew this wasn’t the end of the story, as I had started reading it long after you had posted all chapters. Shame, although it is my fault entirely. I can imagine my review for chapter 14 being very different had I just kept up with the story. I also would’ve been more surprised, I guess. I’m hitting my head against the wall for my own laziness, as the reading-experience of this fanfic could’ve been even bigger! Argh! Such a damn shame! I’m so mad at myself.

Mad, yet satisfied. Satisfied, because I decided to continue reading the story. Possibly the best decision I’ve made during the summer.

Chapter 15 made my mumble things like “you filthy lying asshole” as well as “this is too brilliant for words”. That sums it up. I don’t like being lied to, you know! :) But I can live wih it in this case, because it was such a surprise! I suppose I should’ve seen it coming, but the truth is… I didn’t. You have me by the balls, and I admit defeat: you outsmarted me completely, my man! I, the one who always tries to be ahead of the writer himself, who comes up with theories, tries to work the story out on his own and then laughs in the face of destiny when he sees he’s right. But you kicked me in the nuts, smote me down and laughed a Darth Sidious-laugh and you stand over my broken and obliterated mind that is blown away by your ingenuity. Perhaps I’m exaggerating here, but I can’t help it! I have to find some way to hone your skill.

I’ve had a really stressful day today, but finishing this made it one of this week’s highlights. After reading chapter 15, I saw everything. It all clicked into place. Much like after watching a SAW-movie (don’t know if you ever did that), you get this kind of “whoa man, I totally understand everything now, it’s so brilliant and I should’ve known”-feeling. Exactly the same here. You were right when you told me it’d all make sense in the end. Come to think of it, I can’t imagine the amount of pleasure you must’ve had, writing that review-reply to my ignorant self. You were probably thinking something like: “Haha, the fool has no clue!” :D And yes, you deserved it, man, you truly deserved it! Somehow, you’ve broken my pride, which is childish of me I guess. I can’t help it :P

What struck me most, and I can imagine this was well-intended, was Aetius’ realisation that it was he who killed Elyana. It also kind of explains why he didn’t fully blame Theodoric, because deep down, subconsciously, he still kinda knew that he himself was the true culprit. Blaming Kalkannis was the easy way out, but blaming Theodoric as well would’ve been a bridge too far, even for Aetius’ damaged state of mind. After all, he still needed Theo. That is, until he decided to blow him up. I find it strange, though, how someone can destroy his ally’s hull so badly the shields are almost gone. I mean, I can imagine reacting the same way Aetius did, even though it was an accident. Of all the lies he wrote down, that one was, in my opinion, the most understandable one, where Aetius wasn’t really to blame. Then again, he never tried to contact Theodoric or anything, he just destroyed him. Ah, well, such things happen I suppose. Still, a fitting end to a great character...

So, to sum it all up, this story was great and had one of the best outcomes I’ve ever read. I confess that I don’t really read a lot (not like you seem to do), but still… I also confess that I would be incapable of writing a story that goes so deep and is so well-thought of. Even you are inspired my many books of course, but I can imagine even Lewis Carroll and Dostojevski being inspired by others before them. So I am thrilled to have read this, and you’ve made it worth every single second of my time. This is a truly epic fanfic, and if there were a hall of fame on , I’d probably endorse you. I most certainly hope your journey doesn’t end here, and I hope you will continue to write here on . I’d be a shame if you stopped, no? Tell me, have new ideas already sprouted? Do you want to explore other fandoms, other realms? I want to know!

Your story had some flaws of course (mainly the thing about the execution-thingy, that one doesn’t sit well with me), but knowing that I’ve read such a fanfic like this one and that I realise and know that it’s one of the best out there, makes me feel good about myself. You make me want to up my game, and for that I really thank you, Darth Ransom.

Congratulations!

Yeah, so, I'm like I'll just review this right now! Whoa!

Man, talk about a downfall! That truly is a surprising turn of events, my man! I love plot twists like this, and I must admit I did NOT see this coming! Not at all! I always saw the relationship between Aetius and Theodoric as something sacred. This act of treason was like... like Han Solo shooting Chewbacca in the back! Man oh man, I'm still not quite over it. It's strange how Aetius from the beginning saw Theodoric as his friend, though, as he obviouly knew (at the time of writing) he was a backstabbing SOB (even though he was an awesome backstabbing SOB)), but I guess that's just because Theodoric had actually meant something to him at one point ('brothers' and stuff), whereas Kalkannis was his nemesis from day one. Still, I did not see Theo's betrayal coming, I thought he would've stuck with Aetius to the bitter end and got killed in some kind of ultimate battle or something... This is actually one of the first things I've predicted completely erroneously. I do remember sayng once that there was something fishy about Theodoric, though. But seeing how Aetius followed him even after he framed Kalkannis and actually (from where I stand) caused Elyana's death, made me believe you would let the two of them stick together like R2-D2 and C-3PO. But... Did you really have to kill him? :-( Actually, I guess so, because he would've become the main antagonist now, and having two major enemies at once can become quite complcated, not only for the writer but for the reader as well. So I guess it's for the best. Yo're probably going to focus on Aetius getting captured by the Jedi now, and facing his demons. And there's still tis radiation thingy. I'm curious how that will develop. Oh, and I am still taken aback by the brillianty you displayed by coming up with such an awesome strategic plan! He had the Republic on its knees, man! Its knees! And he would've won. Only thing I would like to see elaborated a bit more are Theodoric's motives behind this treason, because right now I feel a bit... unsatisfied with it. Yes, it was a great plot twist and I didn't see it coming, but I hunger for motives, man. I'm sorry, I meant DARTH RANSOM! Oh, and it was also niceto see Aetius use his Force-powers again. I've missed that. I kow you aren't kind of hack 'n slash and UNLEASH FORCE! guy (the way in which you portray your war is proof of this), but I guess I am kinda this gore-loving, asskicking kind of man. So this was a nice tribute to all of those who wer twirling their iaginary lightsabre around and around while reading the story just to get a piece of action. But hey, I didn't really miss it that bad, there were so many things to keep me interested I hardly noticed it until I started thinking about it. And besides, acton isn't the main focus of your story, and it really shouldn't be, because it's kinda perfect the way it is. You exploe the cavities of a Jedi's mind, the corrupt state of a lawful light-side institution and the love and hate within a person fr other people as well as the need for self-preservation. So I guess you don't really need force-balls of death crushing hundreds of aliens :-)

What I really like about this chapter (although this goes for your story in its entirety) is the way you manage to cut back on useless details and focus so much on the important part of everything that you get a story that is not really long, yet immensely immersive and very easy (for an attentive reader) to follow. One could say it's brilliant in its simplicity, while being complex in its brilliancy... Does that make an sense at all?Anyway, awesome chapter like always. You'll be hearing from me again soon, I promise you!

Insane. Insanely awesome. I've ever read a fanfic quite like this one. THis chapter really made me realise how brilliant this story is. The point of view is very original, and executed extremely well; there's character development; the storytelling is awesome; it's not detailed, yet I felt like I had a complete overview of what was going on; politics play a major role; economy plays a major role;... Those are all things often and easily neglected by other fanfics (mine included). This was possibly one of the chapters that stood out the most. It's like the apex of fanfiction, really, and I confess I find myself at a loss of words. There's almost nothing to say about this, because it's so brilliant. I can't criticize it, just applaud it.

Also the storyline itself is awesome. I mean, it has to be hard to come up with this stuff! Maybe Gipper helped you because he had a better knowledge of the Star Wars codex, but I suspect you laid the base for everything, and for that you deserve tons of credit. This chapter has almost everything: character development, great story, angst, suspicion, victory, exhilaration,... That's quite unique, man! And the interaction between Aetius, Theo, the emperor Arnom, Galland etc. is possibly one of my favourite scenes of the story. Along with the murder of Kalkannis and every moment where Theodoric plays a major role, I think.

So, great chapter! I'ma read the next one right away!

Hi! So, graduated, no school, no more exams, no gaming consoles available, just finished a chapter... Perfect time for some fanfiction, if you ask me. I just want to apologize again. It really doesn't sit well with me, and I should've kept up with your story all the way. I said it rom the beginning: "I don't want to play catch-up again," but I'm doing it anyway. Ah, well, I'm here now.

It's been a long time since I read chapter 9, yet I still remembered everything vividly. Could be my fantastic memory, or it could be the fact your story is awesome, or a combination of both. I prefer the latter. This chapter was good because the story really needed some time alone with Aetius. The intervention of Theodoric was needed as well, though, because he was lost and needed a guide. And in the aftermath of their conversation, Aetius could set things straight for himself. You also did a good job in describing how the segregation took place. Pretty much the same effect as a gravitational acceleration. Growing and growing, faster and faster. But like an object that is falling, it will suddenly come to an abrupt end. So I'm guessing thats what will happen in the next chapters. But Theodoric is possibly the best separatist in the entire Star Wars codex. If you think about it, Theodoric achieved more in a week than Darth Tyranus and General Grievous in an entire war. That makes them look pretty pathetic if you ask me, and it makes Theodoric look like a genuine badass with brains. I knew he was special from the moment I first read about him! :-)

Somehow it's strange Elyana is gone, because she was always there alongside Aetius. I've been looking forward to her death for quite a while, but now I'm suddenly confronted with it. She was such an integral part of the story, and that's why this chapter is also very useful: the reader gets over her death. From now on, I do't think I'l miss her all that much. Not because she wasn't a good character (she was perhaps portrayed as too perfect, but that's about it (and even then only through Aetius' eyes)) but because there are so many exciting things going on and so many other great characters (I still like Theodoric best, I can't help it). Of course, with Kalkannis also gone the story loses its major antagonist, but it's interesting to see how an entire faction or galactic insitution (normally the good guys!) becomes the anatagonist. That may change, but this is definitely a situation that could go in every single direction... There are loads of possibilities and that's certainly good because my interest is rekindled to say the very least!

Now comes the hard part... Criticism! They're all minor things, though...

Takes this line for example: "Was he my friend? I do not know. Still I don’t. I…I don’t know if I can really relate to you how I felt at that time…" Notice the 'I...I' part? I find this strange, because Aetius wrote this and wasn't quoting someone or himself. Now, why would someone write down a hesitation? Unless this was some voicerecorded diary, I'd think he'd just write everything down without the slight pauses of hesitation that are going on in his mind at the time of writing. Personal opinion of course, but this struck me as somewhat odd...

Another thing... Maybe this chapter could've ben a little bit shorter. I don't know if you realise this, but you tend to repeat some things. Maybe it's just Aetius ramblings and me missing the point here, but still...

Oh, and I'm not entirely convinced about Aetius' motives for trusting Theodoric either. Call me stubborn, if you will. I can't help it!

So all in all another great chapter. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Theodoricis some kind of brillint Darth Sidious, complete with Force-powers. The kind of influence he exerts is mre than worthy of a Sith Lord. He's also a master-maniplator like Darth Sidious, a double-schemer AND a separtist whilst being a leader. I'm seeing some parallels here! But there are also many differences of course. Still, he's such a great character! I love it.

So, see you at the next review, hopefully it won't take too long.

Wow... a truly proficient start to a marvelous story. You truly have a talent for writing.

I stuck through because I just knew as soon as I saw the e-mail that you were pulling a rabbit out of the hat, and I wasn't disappointed. Thanks for the mentioning, tis nice! And you're right, reviews is what keeps you going, I still struggle however from laziness and the fact that I feel I have to write loads for a chapter. It's brilliant to find someone who can keep their chapters shortish (in my book that is lol) and still deliver their story.

Woopie! Master1795

Hey, you know I love it. Fantastic conclusion to the story - and very surprising too when you sprung it on me!

This is a great example of an unreliable narrator used with 1st person. Now all the little oddities in the story become clear!

Anyway, great work, chief.

You read C.S. Lewis' Till We have Faces didn't you. I can tell, your writing is influenced by it. In fact I would say that it follows that story line fairly closely. The ending is definitely very close to it in how you have the person realize that they have been in a way living a lie, thinking that they were always the victim when in reality they were extremely selfish. Then they realize the truth and then try to fix it all and apologizing then dying in the middle of a sentence with somebody else who was in some way or another close to them added in a final word.

Either way, a well written story. No offense but yours is a better story than most the others I come across.

Surprise...that it is. Now I know why I worked my way through the whole story, there is a happy ending after all. Not the ordinary one, but that would be "out of story" anyway.

Your story is as Star Wars stories should be (and not always are, not even the professional ones), you did a really great job here.

And about "that bit love at the end" (to quote Gipper40), that was the cherry on top. What? I'm a girl :).

At the moment, I don't have the time to write a review, so I'll summarize: the twist at the end of this story made my day. Carry on.

You are a very good writer. This has been a great story. Chapter 15 surprized me alot. Great job .