So… Lime keeps blurting out world-shattering secrets in crowded restaurants that could get Hercule arrested and ruin Videl's life, and nothing comes of it? M'kay.

When Piccolo trained Gohan in the wilderness, Gohan was 4… and Piccolo was 6. :)

its puar not pwar

I’m not sure how many times I’ve read this story, but each time I find myself loving it even more. I wish you’d revamp Mannequin and finish it. Your two stories are my all time favorites. The writing is so well done and the emotions are so real that I wonder how you aren’t an actual published author.
There are flaws here and there, but they are easily overlooked in a masterpiece like this. Similar to the Mona Lisa, the imperfections of this story only contribute to its perfection.
Bravo! Please come back to writing here again!

Once again, the conversation and Videl's sudden fear is weird, and in many senses, childish.

Once again, Videl is doing a 180 faster than a 6 year old.

The characters are acting like unthinking 12 year olds. I think that is one of the problem.

Why didn't Gohan tell Videl about Saiyaman? He already told her about Cell.

Also, why would Videl just continue to date Mark?

"Oh no, I ruined this between Saiyaman and me, better forget that and date mark!" -That is what I mean when I say they act like angsty 12 year olds.

No, it isn't intense. The characters and story feel like caricatures and short summaries instead of an actual story.

It's hard to describe, but the story creates a distance. I can't seem to get involved. The characters are weird. Strange things happen. The descriptions and dialogues needs work.

A simple rule: Don't spam quote song lyrics.

pa

Fluid writing and nice start. Although some inconsistencies with the pwrsonalities and backgroubds: Videl is stronger than an ox, fights criminals and ruffians and such and she gets all whiny over a thorn in her finger? That just doesn't add up. Also killing a spider? A defender of justice and humankind and she has to kill a spider to take it off a kid's back? That isn't bravery. It is cowardice. Especially considering that the Sons are nature friendly people.

Chapters I forgot to put chapter anyway strategy supposed to be like that

No! I thought this was going to be an announcement regarding a sequel to this story

Fun fic to read found it this morning around 5 or so finished around 11. Glad you didn't go to Buu saga this did not seem like it needed it. This Open Your Eyes looks like a good read if that is up i'll take a look.

It's good to see you are going to be working on finishing Mannequin, been following that story since it's release after you got done with this one. Can't wait to see more of it.