Reviews for The Real Us
kimjo2 chapter 9 . 7/14
Fabulous story with a good Dumbledore. Too bad he wasn't really like that. Thanks so much
Guest chapter 6 . 7/12
WTF

GOOD UMBRIDGE?

WTF
Guest chapter 1 . 7/12
You don't see that often... I like it.
Just William chapter 9 . 7/12
A very good "alternative" story. You really did a good job on the Weasley's. One or two typo's need correcting but otherwise a goodFF.
patriotman69 chapter 9 . 7/6
HOLY FUCK that was the best fanfic I have ever read, Jesus fucking christ!
bgreenfl chapter 9 . 6/25
Excellent concept, well done!
mumphie chapter 9 . 6/19
Deeply entailed, risque story. Well done.
Would have liked to know what did they decided to do for a living,how many kids they had, and if they ever found friends of their own age. Did Neville and Luna ever make it into their circle?
Cloudcuckoolander011 chapter 9 . 6/2
Alright, I’ve just read through the entire fic. I’m not really sure what to say about other than (and I really do mean all this with great respect) it was kind of a mess.

First, the plot. Or rather, the lack of it. Nothing really happened. Ninety percent of it was dialogue between Harry, Hermione, and the three teachers. Small, “witty” banter between the characters took up several pages at a time, where as massive, game-changing moments barely even existed. For example, Voldemort’s resurrection and the duel in the graveyard. This is the turning point for the entire series, what with the main antagonist becoming a more prominent threat and an actual, on-screen death. In the fic, this was the entire scene. “The rest of it's pretty simple. Got tied to a gravestone. Wormtail used my blood in a necromantic potion to give Voldemort a new body. He rose. We fought, it was a draw, I ran. Grabbed Cedric's body and the Portkey, and came back to Hogwarts.” You cannot build any sort of suspense or investment in the plot if Voldemort only appears in the penultimate chapter.

The writing itself was meh. Nowhere near the level of suck that it could have been, considering this is fanfiction, but still rather stilted and awkward. You had a tendency to repeat things a lot, or use one word multiple times in a paragraph, like in this scene: Then, the Ball. I went with Hermione, who was clad in a stunning dress. We had a marvellous time.” A few sentences later: Hermione stepped closer. "It was a big, buff guy from Durmstrang. Marcus... Marko... I think. From what she told us, she had a marvellous time." And a few sentences after that: He winked salaciously at Hermione, who blushed, and blew a raspberry at him. "And we had a marvellous evening. Nothing some proofreading wouldn’t fix, so overall, the mechanics of this fic were its strongest point.

Finally, the characters. The characters were by far the worst aspect of the fic for me. Harry and Hermione were obnoxious and annoyingly self-obsessed at best and downright terrifying and murderous at worst. They threatened murder on various people around seven times in the span of a day. They seem to have a pathological desire to manipulate or otherwise decieve people for no reason. They are overly patronizing and rude to people that they are supposed to like, such as Tonks and Lupin. Most importantly, considering the entire reason this fic exists is the Harmony ship, they didn’t actual seem to love each other. The word “love” came up sixteen times in the entire fic, and the word “sex” came up around fifty times. You can’t just say “they looked at each with love in their eyes” and expect readers to think “oh, in that case, they’re in love now! :D” You have to actually show it. The only thing that I was convinced of was that they had a downright unhealthy sex addiction.

Speaking of sex, the whole “They been dry humping since before they’ve popped out of the womb” thing? NOT ACCEPTABLE. You can’t right about it. I’m not sure why you wrote about in such detail, and I really don’t want to know
CoolJosh2002 chapter 9 . 5/20
Okay so... I sat through this whole thing and it's... bad. It's really bad.

Firstly, our 'heroes' are more arrogant than the villains are, and we are supposed to root for them, when all I wanted was for them to get their comeuppance, but they don't, because they are perfect.

Also, why all the Weasley bashing? Arthur was the only one who got out unscathed, to me, Ron and Ginny are acting pretty much like canon besides the completely out of nowhere love potion plot, and I feel sorry for them honestly.

This story is also filled with Plot Holes and Problems. Things that didn't exist in Canon suddenly do, the entire story is made up of conversations mainly and sex, but nothing about the actual reason they were telling this story in the first place, telling how they defeated Voldemort, it's like barely touched upon in the last chapter, but anything else interesting. (Philosopher's Stone Rescue, Rescuing Ginny from the Chamber, Fighting Voldemort in the graveyard etc.) are completely glossed over for no reason, or twisted beyond recognition. (Why would Harry rescue Ginny from the Chamber if he doesn't like her?) It makes no sense.

I'm sorry, but this story isn't very good, and I wanted to stop reading so much, but I sat through it and got to the end. I honestly don't know what it is that people like about this story, but here's my two cents on it, and it's not very good.
Guest chapter 9 . 5/14
I see the comments that were like “they’re only 11/12!” But let’s be honest, is this really so unbelievable? I’m pretty sure this happens...somewhere..
mobulis chapter 9 . 5/6
So why couldn't Remus have been on platform 9 3/4 Harry's first year?
LWJ2 chapter 9 . 5/6
Nice twist with Umbridge; good sequencing and pacing. Most definitely a favourite, thank you for sharing it with us.
Tracey Young chapter 9 . 5/5
Thanks. Brilliant story.
Guest chapter 1 . 4/27
good thing I don't work and I don't need it I can write for hours and since I have no social life or kids nothing can stop me
Ninamaria429 chapter 9 . 4/20
This was great!
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