já considerou fazer o casamento delas?

:D

loved it

especially the

""Kiyone, I love you."

Four words…it was only four words, and that was all that was needed to render Kiyone's brain useless."

part xD

keep up the good work and keep getting better

I like the whole Kiyone & Mihoshi relationship idea.

Not too many stories on this.

Me: Ou! *arms flail in content* I've got a warm fuzzy feeling! We! So Good! *grabs BIG nearby stuffed animal and begings to hug tightly*

Kyno: *eyes me* What have you been doing? Don't tell me you've read more shoujo-ai. *frowns* You scare me Usa.

Me: *grins* Oh Kyno, you little stuck-up a**-hole! Your so nice to me! *dicards bear to hug Kyno to death*

Kyno: Why Me? Just tell me why it needed to be me stuck with 'her'...

Aw... that was a great fic! I loved it, and your portrayal of Kiyone and Mihoshi was lovely! It's obvious that you know the characters well! :) Congrats, and I really think you should write more miho/kiyo fics! There really aren't enough of them out there!

Hi, Only Yuri.

#Review

1. (Praise) [Ch 01] Initial POV (when Kiyone is thinking to herself)

Good mix of thought-dialogue and narrative.

2. (Praise) [Ch 01] Initial Suspense Element (when Mihoshi was kidnapped)

Well done on this part.

3. (Critiq) [Ch 02] Strange Sentences

The last two sentences at the end of chapter two just don't flow together. It seems like there should have been something in there about Kiyone actually laying down on the couch to go back to sleep.

4. (Praise) [Ch 03] Early Morning (3:25AM)

Good mix of thought-dialogue and narrative.

5. (Praise) [Ch 03-04] Portrayal of Mihoshi

Well done. You revealed a side of Mihoshi that I always believed existed.

6. (Praise) [Ch 04-05] Kiyone's Soul-Searching Thought-Dialogue

Good buildup of thoughts and emotions. Though she is worried about Mihoshi's safety, Kiyone is also gradually realizing her feelings for her. It comes across as realistic.

7. (Praise) [Ch 04] Pivotal Evidence

An old report and an unsolved case are perfect for sketchy leads.

8. (Ambivalent) [Ch 05] The Short Fight Sequence

Since Kiyone is a trained officer, readers can expect her to hit all the targets at such close range. Also, since this story mostly centers around Kiyone's feelings for Mihoshi, the fight scene was just long enough to convey what happened but short enough not to distract from the plot.

9. (Critiq) [Ch 05] Contrived Plot Element (the reason for the kidnapping)

Really, why would anyone go through the trouble of doing this in space? It would be far better - and more cost-effective - to kidnap people from underdeveloped planets like Earth (and Earth shouldn't be the only one). It just seems a bit rigged.

9b. (Alternative) One possible alternative

While on Earth, Mihoshi sees a kidnapping in progress. She interferes. The kidnappers use some advanced technology to hide themselves and flee. Mihoshi is satisfied and walks home. They secretly follow her there and kidnap her. Kiyone finds some clues and figures out that the kidnappers belong to a slavery ring that kidnaps people from underdevelopered planets and sells them on the black market (or whatever).

This fiction could then continue until Kiyone rescues Mihoshi before she gets shipped out of Earth's solar system. At this point, they could begin to solve this crime together.

10. (Praise) No Gratuitous Lemon Content

This was already a well written story: There's no need to include this type of content.

#Notes

(9b) This would have drastically changed - and lengthened - the story. Perhaps, the fiction was best just the way that you wrote it. The contrived plot element still bugs me though.

#Summary

A good short story.

#Writing Style

It's obvious that you know these characters well enough to convey their feelings to the reader. There were very few distractions from the actual core storyline itself. (This is good in shorter stories where you want to concentrate the reader's attention and don't want to distract from the plot by developing other characters or details.)

Your style of writing shows a certain level of maturity.

I like it a lot.

Bye. -e2

It's me again, that was such a romantic ending, I'm glad my info helped you. I hope you write another soon. :)

Oh my God... one of the few yuri-fics done RIGHT! In my own limited experience, they almost always turn into lemons or limes, but you managed to write a captivating story without going NC-17. My helmet's off to you.

interesting are you going to wright more? or is this the end of the story? please wright some more.

Bad news first: it's not humanly possible to go for more than 3 days without water. Of course, you can always argue that Mihoshi isn't human, and might have a different time frame for water deprivation. Now, for the good part: that was damn good! Very well done all around. There aren't enough MihoKiyos around, and there definitely aren't enough of this quality. Excellent job! Will there be more chapters coming?

Your story is kinda okay. Kiyone and Mihoshi sound more like good friends than lovers. It's all right, I guess.

again good but to short, you could probably make these all one chapter, and it would still be short. but keep on wrighting you are good.

Well, not too bad. My only complaint is that these chapters are too darn short!

Yeah, that's it. Take it slow from Kiyone's side of things.