please update soon. it's really interesting to see how much he would change.

ja ne!

hehehe...

I can just imagine, Now Vaan's going to take charge of everything! He's gonna kick Balthier out of the LIMELIGHT! OH GOODIE! This is so interesting! But when will he realize this might not be a game anymore? When will that puffy the dragon slayer come about and cut him down?

Oh this is so thought provoking!

Might I add, this was just as good as the first chapter,

though I might add that the first paragraph still could have had some better wording. Within 2 sentances, you put eyes three times, that was a bit repetetive I think, but I'm loving it!

Well you have me convinced now. I liked this update very much and I wonder in which direction you'll take it. I liked how Vaan reacted to returning to his old life and the water temple scene was particularly intriguing.

Once again, I find your prose astounding though I did spot one or two little typos towards the beginning of the chapter. However, that takes little away from the overall excellence of your verbeage. I like Vaan's characterization here, as he still is highly similar to his canonical self yet has the benefits of age and wisdom. It's an interesting contrast.

Anyhow I think that's all I have to say. Eagerly waiting for the next chapter.

Oh! This is a lovely fic! Truly snaring I must say...

I never,even suspected him of being Vaan, that was a pleasent surprise, I had thought ..Baltheir? Then I was like ...No...Balthier wouldn't change his name again.

I had the feeling that when you hinted at the pains in his arm, somthing would happen.

Oh..I'm so sad...what happened to the others? Aside from that, Who in the world is that Red caped man? Lol,i'm guessing he likes to go by names... puff the magic Dragon! J/k!

Somthing with dragon in it, then. Or similar...?

I don't like critisism, and I have very little, for you, just the occasional reminded, when you were in those italics I noticed maybe once you switched tense. just easy mistakes is all.

I would say, that you could work a little on the flow of the first part doodle above the line.

I have a feeling that it might be better off with a couple simpler sentances. but nothing horrid, not at all.

I'm sure since this is your first story, that you will get about 10x better with the next chapter.

XD Waiting for more...

~Sharper

It's a very interesting start. You had my attention well and truly by the end of the first paragraph. Your prose is very good, especially considering this is your first story too. You kept me suitably interested throughout. Though I do wonder about the characters and whether they yet exhibit sueish qualities. However, if there's anything such to bring up in the next chapter, I'll bring it up then. It's a good start and I'm intrigued to see how you'll follow this up.