This story is the true pivot of perfection in regards to these characters. Honestly, this is one of the best fanfictions i've seen in a while.

Let's start with your writing itself. It's very articulate and subject to detail, yet it always stays with Shinjiro. We follow what he thinks, and we feel what he feels. That's a very effective result for good writers, and it's something to be proud of!

Now let's go with the characters. You NAILED them. I thought all of them were in excellent character, although some of Mitsuru's lines did seem a bit awkward compared to her usual eloquent, masterful style. Shinjiro was great, and though we don't really know all too much about him, it totally fits.

As far as your plot goes, it's very unique and strong. Though it's not linear in the fact that it progresses and follows one certain things, it's wonderful, and it works.

Tres bon, and bonne chance with all of your future work. :)

I think you should mke the akihiko version of this

It's nice! :) Are there going to be more chapters, or, is this just a short-story thing?

wow this is really well done! i lieked how you did shinji's point of view and how you kept him in character. i look forward to seeing more of your work.

Du-hude! I was wondering when someone's going to write a Shinji/Mitsuru story. I was like, "Hey, Shinji's like the classic Rebel Without a Cause guy and Mitsuru is like that innocent higher income girl with no clue of life that's the staple of many chick flicks and teenage drama angst. It's the bad boy with good girl sorta deal!" Well, that's how it is in my mind.

I have to say, props to how the story's developed. I really liked how you write your short stories, because they're all like character portraits and a large span of time is condensed in easily understood frames that fulfills the reader. I think the characters are great. I also really liked how the characters act in the story, and all the action and their movements really flow here.

You know... ah heh... in my story I am going to add a little something between these two. I'm a die-hard Aki/Mitsu, but Shinji and Mitsuru is such an intriguing pairing... Whoas, I gave spoilers!

I loved this piece. I think everyone was in character.

I look forward to the alternate version.

Wow, this is fantastic!

I love the mention of Akihiko not being able to crack an egg properly D

I've been wanting to read a fic about this pairing, so that makes it even more awesome!

Very beautiful and well done! I think you portrayed the characters perfectly.

wow wow wow, once again I'm impressed with your writing. it is very interesting to see things from Shinji's point of view and how his relationships with the other characters as well as his inner problems connect with his growing affection for Mitsuru. I don't think Shinji was OCC much at all (though it is interesting he'd want to watch a cooking show keke, cute little bit there). the development of him accepting everything up to the eve of the full moon was wonderfully done, adds a tone of somberness and finality. :( poor Shinji.

refreshing to see another hetero couple being written about (and with my fav character no less keke). and oh ho, Shinji getting the girl and Aki with the one sidedness? I wanna se. er read, as well as anything else you write about Persona 3. _ great job once again!

Finally somebody wrote this pairing, one-sided or not

This is a very well-written short story from Shinjiro's point of view. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Because you specifically wanted your readers to proofread it for sp/grammar mistakes I'll list the things I noticed.

1) "He had tried taking aspirin and those other shit"... The plural of shit would probably be shits, but that sounds awkward as well. I would probably stick with "all the other shit" but it's up to you whether you find anything wrong with it.

2) "Shinji was relieved that Aki did not caught on to the drugs."

Probably self-explanatory typo here.

3) "but as his’s mind flew back to the past"

That's all the grammar and spelling stuff that really bothered me in my one read through. The only reason I'm pointing it out is cause I think your story is worth perfecting - it explores mature themes in a thought-provoking and entertaining way.

I'll add a few personal comments now. Take these with a grain of salt. First, I also don't think the euphemism for sperm in the first scene of the story is very appropriate (and similarly when he very obviously dances around the word 'penis' later on in the story). I mean, we as readers are in Shinjiro's head and there's no way he thinks of sperm in terms of the "essence" of himself

...well, damn, you beat me to it. DARN ME AND MY INABILITY TO WRITE FASTER. D:;;

Haha, but that aside, this was...gorgeous. Couldn't read it as thoroughly as I would've liked since my session's almost out, but soon as I get home, I'm really going to take this in. I love how you portrayed the gradual shift from friendship to "something more", as well as Shinji's self-loathe at the taboo that is the illicit love of your best friend's girlfriend. The fact that his and Akihiko's friendship extends so deeply that he would be so selfless as to give up on Mitsuru for him made me want to cry.

Basically, another *FANTASTIC* job, and terribly sorry that I haven't reviewed anything of yours before this, they really deserve it. I'll certainly try harder in the future!

That's it! You're my frickin hero! I've been waiting and waiting and WAITING for this pairing, and I'm so happy that it was you that took the initiative. Yay! Thank you thank you THANK YOU. Oh, feedback? Eloquent and charming dialogue, and everyone is perfectly in character, as always. Please continue, m'dear!