Too bad James didn't want a demonstration. If I were James I would want one, but I would want to join in too!

Kekeeee!Lol,James was cool there!And Sirius too!Awesome work with him and his way of trying to get Remus to be with him!

LMAO! GOOD, GREAT, AWESOME! HILARIOUS!

Many words to describe it! lOl I LOVED IT!

I think your write style is fine :) Great even :D

Awhh. Adorable. xD

*Faves*

lol

hmm i love this!

vedy vedy good! (:

Great title!

I enjoyed the story. What was really good about it was the structure, how the reader slowly found out more about what Sirius had seen.

I didn't see anything horribly wrong with your writing style, sorry, I have no concrit to offer. But I understand that one is never quite happy with one's own writing.

I suppose the best way in order to improve is to read, read, read good literature and then pay attention to what you liked about it and why you liked it.

I really, really, immensly enjoyed reading that!

I got all tense and stressy half way through...I love fics that do that to me!

Wow! This is one of the only fics without smut that I actually find incredibly sexy. The seductive and tense atmosophere you created made me squirm in my seat! My fave quote was:

“You’re really not helping matters Sirius.”

He grins, “Oh I know.”

loved it! brilliant story, i love a possessive Sirius ;)

Loved it! Kinda feel sorry for the Richard guy but yay the puppies are together. Loved that you made Peter one of the gang a bit more than some of your previous fics, though I still wish you'd maybe not had him unable to take his drink, made it James or something or at least had James beyong just a little drunk. But overall, definetly going in my faves.

Sirius is evil...

And I love him!

_

Excellent!

~Belle [x]

OK, for what it's worth, here is a detailed critique!

You did a GREAT job on nervous Moony in the beginning. I really enjoyed both the lines and the feelings they engendered. Casual, blackmailing Padfoot also feels in character. One small complaint. The way you portray Remus’ attraction to Sirius feels a bit over the top. You don’t need to push that so hard especially in light of the rest of the plot. Also, I would have liked this fic to be slightly longer so that the characters and the situation could have been more fully developed.

Also, it would have caused quite a stir for two men to be slow dancing together in a straight bar in the seventies. This just isn’t something Remus would have been able to do in public if he couldn’t even bear to tell his friends his preferences in private.

You really captured both the Marauder dynamic well and what’s going on between Sirius and Richard here:

I get the feeling he’s enjoying himself. That he’s almost parading the fact he’s allowed to touch me in public. That he’s teasing Richard. I haul myself off the stool and stand opposite Sirius, feeling like a nervous twelve year old again.

And you have a talent for dialog. I especially enjoyed this:

I laugh dryly, “You know, it’s still rather strange to think of you and Lily as a thing. ”It’s still rather weird to see Lily kissing a mouth she once punched on a weekly basis for six years.

Peter sniggers, “And you all call me the idiot.”

And of course this:

James claps slowly, humourlessly. “I must say Padfoot old boy, I could’ve managed with just the worded explanation,” he winces, “I really didn’t need the demonstration too.”

I really hated sirius for a big part of the fic... but he can be so fun it's impossible to keep hating him...

really liked it

kisses

Ly

This was well done and entertaining. I completely understand what you're saying about style. I've been writing my first fic, it's frustrating when it doesn't come out in the style you've imagined. My advice would be to read some books in a style that's maybe outside your norm, but one you appreciate, and just start writing. Don't put limits on yourself. Hah, do I sound like a mother hen, or what?