I think you dove into the action too quickly. I don't feel connected to your characters at all. You left the audience confused and unsure about who they are and their motivations. The biggest issue is that are using the hidden cloud village which not much is known about along with OCs. On top of all that the only characters the audience really knows here, Naruto and Yugito, are both so ooc that we can't identify with them.

Also, the beginning of your story is not believable. Weil liked or not, Naruto wasd Konoha's jinchuriki. Losing him offset the military power of the five great nations. Danzo wouldn't have stood for it, not to mention Jiraiya. Do you really think the toad sage would ignore that? Political ramifications mean little in the face of that loss. I'm sorry, but your logic there was very ill conceived.

what does the bloodline do?

Kimimaro to Gaara:
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

Great job please continue I liked it a lot

why do Naruto and yugito do not have any other jutsu's you are making them do what most people do with madra rely to much on bloodline instead of learning jutsu's and it boring cause I wanna see what type off jutsu you gave him since he has been living in kumo he wont have the shadow clones so what does he know but fighting like kiba does but without a dog to back him up.

Good story up until this point. I thought with Naruto not saying anything about his bloodline ability’s to keep enimes from making countermeasures against was cool. Until he meets Jiraiya and suddenly he will tell the world how his bloodline works, WTF? Why? It makes no sense to tell people how a bloodline works just so you can get fame and glory. It just allows possible hostile to know what to expect when they fight you. *sigh* Add in the fact that Naruto wants nothing to do with the leaf yet doesn’t put up a fight when told Jirtaiya is training him. I’am getting some conflicting messages about how Naruto is being portrayed here.

gggg

i hate how great stores like this get abandon it brokes my heart as a reader and author so much

Please update soon I hope that this story has not been discontinued/abandoned because I love the plot and your such a good writer.

that was good keep the chapters coming

A good start and interesting concept, but it quickly falls into one of the pitfalls that much of fanfiction does, where the author decides to pick and choose what parts of their own story the characters react to.

Rin as a personal caregiver (so Naruot's life prior to the kidnapping couldn't have been that bad)... doesn't matter, his life was somehow horrible for all of maybe three years... doesn't make sense, but...

Kidnapped by people who obviously have no sense of honor (Kumo's diplomatic team and the Raikage)... doesn't matter, these people who will obviously betray anyone for their own ends are now somehow turned into those who can be depended upon.

A little planning in all kinds of writing goes a long ways, unfortunately none was done here.

Awesome story, I hope to see more soon, when's the next chapter going up?

Aww, Jiraya. But wait, his body didn't sink into the ocean, which means Kabuto can get a sample which means edo tensei-Jiraya!

Ya know, something I never understood. If the toads could do reverse summoning, why the hell didn't they reverse summon Jiraya away from his battle with Pein, which would save his life. Plot, I know, but he could have inspired Naruto the same way from a deep coma too. And I've never seen a fic with that happening either. It's always been Jiraya dying, someone assisting Jiraya, or the whole scene being completely circumvented.

Rant aside, the story is good. Looking forward to the next update.

Sooo...where exactly is the Raikage? Cause, isn't the genin's kage supposed to show up to watch the final round of the chunin exam? That's how Orochimaru got in by posing as the Kazekage...maybe he'll show up if I keep reading.
Looking good so far.
And ya know, your story made me have an epiphany. It was when Neji was arguing with Naruto about fate, and Naruto was saying no one designed it so he had a crappy life, it wasn't fate. There is no higher being deciding this. Then I realized...yes there is! Kishimoto! TECHNICALLY, Kishimoto planned and designed all their crappy childhoods for them, including but not limited to: genocides, massacres, coups, being used as blackmail against your loved ones, dead parents, being ostracized by their homes, and horribly high expectations placed on the shoulders of children. So technically, Kishimoto is fate.

So the canon idiot naruto finished the last step in a week, this one who is suposed to be good didnt after even longer...