oh! very nice! i like it!

what happened omg raph is so ticked

PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

CONS: A number of words just seemed out of place, like here for example: “Its skin was a lighter yellow shade of green” Do you mean yellow-green? Then here: “Loud ample music blasted through the day” It seems a little odd to describe loud music as being “ample“.

Plus, “Only when the incessant group of bushes ahead of her” Sounds like Flo encountered unending rows of bushes or something. I’m not sure if that’s the imagery that you were aiming for when you used the word “incessant“. I do like the fact that you throw in some big words every now and then, but it seems like several of them are in places that they don’t really fit.

In that same sentence, it says “Only when the incessant group of bushes ahead of her ruffled quite furiously, did her figure tense. And a second figure appeared.” I’d ditch “And” and just say “A second figure appeared.”

I think you may have an html error here: “Slid within his shell, a long b? sheathed diagonally.”

I also noticed some misspellings: “all accept for one” - accept should be except, and “numb chucks” should be “nunchucks”.

Some of the descriptors are rather odd, and frankly, overdone in several sentances. “Mikey's head swerved around and a devilish grin cast over his plainly readable face.” It wouldn’t have hurt if you had just said. “a devilish grin cast over his face.” Less means more in this case - excessive description can bog things down. You describe Bishop as being wealthy-looking. Are you referring to his clothes? Because otherwise, I’m not quite sure how someone can really look wealthy (well, unless they were impeccably gromed or something).

I noticed some punctuation errors as well (she-cats should be she-cat‘s, to name one).

PROS: The premise is very interesting. Bishop is a horrible person, IMO, but I think he’s an excellent villain. I don’t mind OCs and like stories where the Turtles meet other mutants as well. I’d like to see what parts Chepa and Flo will play in the plot, as well as what’ll occur when they and the Turtles cross paths.

The description is quite nice, though as I said, a bit overdone at some points. For example, I like how you describe Raph’s eyes as lighting up when he hears what happened to breakfast and “The sun had climbed its invisible ladder“.

I find it interesting that you gave the Turtles more distinctive and unique physical traits. I think you should get a beta reader, but I’d really like to see where the rest of your fic goes. XD

I love turtle capture stories! Please update soon! ;)

I love it!

You have just gotta keep going!

I love it! KUTGWUS

I like!

written awesomely. But I don't like it centered. LOL. its a little hard to read. But still. AWESOME. poor, mikey, don, and leatherhead, back to BISHOP, the bastard! Oh, splinter is going to be pissed.

My only complaint is that I kept seeing Michelangelo being called "Mickey" a few times. This is just me, I guess. In my humble opinion, the name "Mickey" doesn't sound "Mike-ish" to me.

Still...

I think it was beautifully written. I love how you opened up the scene from the bustling city and down to the Turtles' lair. It felt like I was watching a movie and following the camera's direction. Very descriptive, yet not overly done.

The interaction between the Hamato brothers seemed to be in-character.

It certainly was a promising first chapter. I hope you'd continue. I'm certainly looking forward to the next chapter.

Keep it up.