... I think I hate you. I really do.

It is 2:55 AM. I have to get up in three hours. I have spent my valuable sleeping time reading this. So, when I collapse from lack of sleep, I am going to blame you.

... But it was SO worth it!

Everything about this story was AMAZING! I would go into more detail about the amazingness of it, but I am having a difficult time writing down complete thoughts.

I just wanted you to know that you are wonderful, amazing, brilliant, and everything in between.

Okay, then. I am breathing normally now. (no, I did not get scared for Rusty there, what are you talking about?)

This is a great story. And it deserves better than this review. If I'd been reading on a chapter by chapter basis, I would probably have tried to do each justice. Unfortunately, the story is just too good and I could not stop at the end of chapters, I had to continue reading. (except for the couple of parts when I needed to stop).

The phone is a thing of genious. Yes, it is an ingenious way for Danny and the rest to find Rusty. But it's also an excellent torture element for all of them (us) listening on the other side, not able to do anything. And it's also the way to give Rusty a semblance of reasurance (even if not completely) afterwards. And LOL at the phone bill.

I am glad Marcello's friend found Vincente. I really am. (even though I am also kind of sad , although, you never actually said he was dead, did you?). Sorry, sorry, I'll behave.

Poor nurses. Yup, not something you'll understand ladies.

Speaking of ladies, I am glad Rusty and Tess got to talk. It wasn't completely satisfactory, but I can see it. And yes, I wanted to strangle her in the first scene at the hospital. But that's just because I adore Rusty. Objectively, her reaction was completely natural.

Oh, yes, I loved that they all were there, just in the room, even if there was nothing for them to do. And go Turk and Linus, for being there and helping out. And of course, Saul. I wanted to hug him every single scene he was in.

And Danny? What's to say about him? I love the guy. Before I forget! There is a line somewhere (way back) where he's torturing himself for being stupid and going to the courthouse. And that bit was great. Not the torturing himself, I mean that little summary. Where he realises he's the dreamer, the planner and Rusty is the one who brings it down to earth, who polishes it, who keeps it safe. Excellent.

Anyway, thank you for writing this story. I really enjoyed it. It made me smile, it made me want to cry, it scared me, it gave me chills, it made me shut my eyes and not want to see and at the same time peek through because I HAD to see, it made me hate characters, it made me love characters. It had it all.

Maia.

You better not.

That's all I have to say for now.

And no, I am not dreading clicking on the "next" arrow and grabbing any excuse to delay it. Nu-huh.

*sighs*

Hey.

So I am reading this. And I did not want to stop, want desperately to see what's next. BUT. I also feel like this is the eye of the storm and I should take advantage of the calm before you make me go through even more suffering. Which I know you are.

After that prologue, it's like a constant trying to look ahead and wincing, because I know what's coming, and yet it doesn't, and so I keep bracing myself to it. And of course, you come up with OTHER ways to make me suffer.

(It may not seem that way, but I am truly not complaining)

It was really hard with the torture. Poor Rusty. And that Vincente dude. Chilly. So don't like him. And I kind of do. I know, I hate you for this. You made him kind of like Rusty, how can I help it? I know if he was not hurting Rusty, he would be totally a character I'd love. (what? I like shady characters)

And you killed me with young-Rusty. The scene where he's at Saul's, all vulnerable, telling him to please get on with whatever it is that he wants? I felt for him. SO much. And thank goodness for Saul.

And see? MacAvoy I hate completely, thoroughly. No mixed feelings about it.

Yay for Turk and poor thing also.

And of course, comforting Danny is always great. Can I have one of my own?

So... I am taking a deep breath and delving back into it.

Thanks for this. (I am going to regret this, am I not?)

Maia.

You know, you totally tempted me when you replied to my review of 'Body and Soul' by mentioning this...leading to me forgoing sleep when I really shouldn't be in a bid to devour this story too. Damn you for being such a good writer! ;)

Absolutely loved it. Have to admit, was extremely gutted when you intimated that Danny died in the prologue, over the moon when that turned out not to be true, but then it was Rusty's turn to step into that spot - you seem to really love torturing Rusty, and as much as it disturbs me, I find I rather love it and him and his struggles and him finding help and love and support...I'm such a sucker :) Also, I love how all your stories are intertwined - repeated mentions of things I have already read/obviously still have to discover among the stories of yours I haven't read yet/am on tenterhooks waiting for to write about (for example, I am on the edge of my seat for the beach scene/the first meeting!) It's such an intriguing, elegant style.

Hate to admit it, but this isn't usually my fanfiction area of choice, yet I eagerly await anything else you have to say on the matter of Danny and Rusty and all the deliciousness that that entails :) Keep writing!

~Talamh

P.S. Absolutely adore all the references your boys make to old movies and the like - even though I don't get half of them! But it makes me want to go watch them. I especially loved that part where Danny quotes the "careful as mice" line at Tess and she doesn't get it (I could sympathise!), but he uses the same line on Rusty later and he doesn't even have to say the whole thing and there's instant understanding. Brilliant.

so i love marthon man and i love this story, also have you written the beach story you keep mentioning in stories?

Have you written storys for all these firsts, like the beach, the row the nightmare the first job etc, cause if you haven't you should!

Okay, first off, I'd love to apologize for the amount of time it has taken me to review this. Midterms kick me in the brain. And you'd think living in downtown Houston one would get beter wi-fi. And you'd be wrong.

I just can't believe its over. But it went out with a bang. I'm going to have to say that my favorite part was the bit with Tess and Rusty. Feeling that part could have been the side story throughout the whole fic I'd say it was nicely resolved.

But that last segment there, it was brilliant. Great ending to a better fic. :D

~R

Sigh. There is a part of me that really, really cannot believe that this is over. This wonderful, epic journey, that I've been following, and anticipating, and hooked on, and madly in love with since June. And it's over. Glad of the ill discipline, because if there was nothing on the horizon, I'd probably need to seek out professional help. As it is, at least I have Bryn. And believe me, I can't believe I just said that either.

Oh, and still not exactly happy with you about one of your author's notes. It's not as if I don't acknowledge the fault. But for the other, of course you're very welcome, and of course both ways, and of course, of course, hush.

So. Love the opening. Perfect way for Danny to wake up, and I do just like the idea of Rusty lying awake in his arms, and neither of them thinking anything of it. Just a gorgeous image, sheer bliss, and somehow a feeling of warmth and contentment, even if he is brooding. And of course he would be. Because you established the total recall (I apologise for the Schwarzenegger) so early in this story, and of course the Rohypnol was going to remain an issue. And of course Danny would understand that, because he understand's Rusty. But they're talking about some of the worst moments of Danny's life, well, both their lives, and of course Danny would think that maybe it would be nicer not to remember. But he'd never, ever deny, and so he'd think of calling Livingston.

And Danny sitting and listening. Again. Oh, so painful. And this - 'He didn't see Danny's lips tighten.' And I think that Danny saying no to the stuff from the villa had little to do with Rusty screwing his face up. Because surely, surely, he couldn't bear it again. And, just a little side thought, but I wonder if Livingston will ever delete those files. Somehow I don't think he'd be able to. Not that he'd ever listen to them, but I can imagine them sitting there, and him always being aware of their presence. Sorry. Just random speculation.

And the eating. Oh, boy. Not pretty. Can imagine the look during the toast, and the silent asking, and the absolute refusal. Definitely not good.

Sigh. Glad as I am about the end of the beard - which, oddly enough, definite narrative and character requirement. End of phase of life/period of time thing. If that makes sense. The recracking lips just makes me wince, and makes me wish he could have waited.

And I'm almost convinced. Though comic book geeks, we need to not only see the body we need to prod it for a bit with a hungry tiger. Preferably before it's quite dead. But loved the 'expedient', because, yes, exactly, and the reminder that Rusty knows the way that Vincente thought. Oh, and much love for the Diaz name development. Can't blame Rusty for the incredulity. And I just bet he'd love to see the look on Tess' face.

Oh, and the game of Risk only took the afternoon? Either Rusty is impossibly skilled, or Danny really sucks. To actually play that game to a conclusion normally takes a little longer. And love the reintroduction of green Greenland. And Rusty piling armies on Kamchatka just makes me laugh so hard. He has tactics. And he likes the name.

And the A-team. And the Italian Job. *Sighs in befuddled contentment*

“And that Face is going to impersonate someone-”

“-badly-”

“-oh, you’re just talking with a professional eye. You need to suspend your disbelief.”

“This from a man who watches heist movies and criticises-”

Love the bickering. The 'you're alive and I'm alive and we're together, and we can talk like this'. Which is, of course, indistinguishable from any other time. And tempted to stick Cabrillo Beach on the list.

And these lines.

"“It’s fine.” He looked at Danny. “It’s always fine. You know it is.”

And it was. And he knew it. And he leaned in a little closer to Rusty to show that he did."

Sigh. It's wonderful. You know that right? Lines that InSilva writes that make otherhawk smile inside - and outside - number one thousand and eighty. All those quiet little moments of sentiment that are never soppy and never Hallmark and never overstating the understatement. You are, quite simply, amazing.

M. Wonderful pink milkshake. They taste of pink, do you know that? And as hilarious as I find the teasing, and the "you should come with a rating", what I really love is the 'Body and Soul' echo, and I wonder if Rusty gets the same sense of warmth from the pink milkshakes as he does from apple crumble. Oh, and incidentally? With the noises, and the "You want to put this in your mouth" and his eyes on Danny while he . . . well, totally verse inappropriate 'All kinds of sense' echo.

Oh, and I love that Rusty shows him the truth before he shows him what the others will see, and Danny would buy him whatever, because he's alive and he's whole and he's there. And it's beautiful, and you're a genius.

The reunion and the others and the display of sentiment that Rusty will never exactly be comfortable with when it's genuine. And it really, really is. And can imagine exactly who embraces, and who punches on the shoulder, and who shakes his hand and who does all three. And of course Rusty would understand what Livingston wanted to say, and of course it's not necessary. And glad that he managed to convey that, with the bluntness of exactly what would have happened, even if it's always going to hurt Livingston, more than a little. And joy for the phonebill. “We need to pull something just to cover minimum payment.” Tess will never go for it.

Saul section. And I'm looking at it, and biting on my lip, and I want to quote each and every line and explain to you their perfection. There are no words that can express how I feel about the light you shine on that relationship. But it's perfectly depicted in that section. The "suddenly felt so wrong." And the perfectly understood italics, not even fully formed italics. The "I don’t have that many good thoughts in my life that I can afford to lose you.”" And the fact that he DOES know, he really, really does. And the fondness that's rarely openly expressed. Sigh. Sublime. Unrivalled. Peerless. Exquisite. In a word, perfect.

Tess. Always, always difficult, I think. And the fact that she really doesn't understand that Danny would never let it be any different.

"And you could try and shift him but he’d refuse to be shifted and you could try to get away from him but he’d find you."

The voice of experience there, of course. And she still doesn't quite see, but it is different. And I love that he doesn't mention Benedict, despite thinking.

And yes. Danny's life matters. And it's so strange to see that written down, because that's . . . really, that's a new level of obvious.

And I do feel so sorry for her, when she looks at his lips especially. And she must be thinking back to the hospital, and to Danny, and to the phonecall and to the knowledge that all she has could vanish so easily in such a variety of ways.

Oh, and I love the agreement, and the shared promise/knowledge.

And the convertible and the parking lot. (still laughing, a little.) Sigh. Perfect way to end it. Because there's been so much about the past, and memories, and somehow I imagine that's the first time that Danny's known where. And with the greyness and the dust, and the cheerless, and the locals who keep themselves to themselves . . . it's so very, very far away. And I'm glad it is. And I wonder about the conversation that led them there, but I can imagine the need, and the understanding. And, yes. It's just perfect.

And now, for the last time, the last time ever, I'm left trying to sum up just what I feel about this terrifying, brilliant, magical, rollercoaster of a story. And really, the main thing I want to say is - thank you. Only I want to say it with italics. (and possibly bold and, neon, and flowers, but mostly italics.) Because this has been everything I've ever wanted in a story. And it's made me laugh, and cry, and rage futilely, and worry endlessly, and grieve, and love, and it's taken me to the most giddying heights and the deepest despair and it's been WONDERFUL. Thank you. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

Love the humour, especially the bit with the milkshake (pink? no thanks) and the brothers. And I suppose this story ended with a bittersweet tinge, what with the "I can't remember" and the carpark.

Thanks for sharing such a wonderful story with your readers, and I'm looking forward to more fics from you!

“I can’t remember.”

Something funny died on Danny’s lips as he realised what Rusty meant.- MacAvoy?

Sighing, Danny handed the milkshake over.

“It just looks so…pink.”- Aha, reminded me of Saul in 'Body & Soul'

Rusty looked at him in disbelief.

“It’s registered in Asia?”

Yen shrugged and Rusty shook his head and turned to Danny.

“We need to pull something just to cover minimum payment.”- Haha, there are so many great bits in this chapter!

“She does have regular eye exams, right?”- Lol, I do love the Malloys. Glad there back to there bickering selfs again too.

Loved Sauls "I don’t have that many good thoughts in my life that I can afford to lose you." Very sweet :)

The end was so sad, because it was MacAvoys old place wasnt it? I wonder what would happen if Rusty met him again?

(I was just about to put 'update soon' then i realised.) Anyways, its been great!

Aw... it's over.. :(

Beautifully written as always, I loved it. You definitely tied up all the loose ends, and I'm glad Tess and Rusty made up :)

Thank you for writing such a great fic :D

*mock indignation* Well it's about time! Did otherhawk finally admit to being at fault for the delay? lol.

Let me say straight off that I LOVE the first sentence! It's been far too long since they've slept together...in a way. lol

“We need to pull something just to cover minimum payment.” lol! The poor boys! _

“She does have regular eye exams, right?” Poor Virgil! Mean Turk!

I couldn't wait for the epilogue, but...now it's over! *sob* I can't believe it! No more "Justice"! Of course, I can still re-read and re-re-read and re-re-re-read, etc., etc., but it won't be the same! I mean, obviously it will be the same story, but no more screaming at you mentally to update so that Danny can rescue Rusty (or vice versa, come to think of it)...

Anyway, thank you for this marvelous story! And do you have ANY idea how weird it is to not ask you to update soon? _

Sigh. Have I told you how conflicted I feel about this chapter? Because on the one hand it's perfect in every way and it's just the best possible ending to this wonderful, wonderful story (and you didn't kill them) and on the other hand . . . it's an ending. To 'Justice'. And now we only have the epilogue and there will be no more 'Justice'. Ever. And I don't know if I can explain what a strange and disconcerting and, yes, upsetting thought that is. Because I've loved every moment of this story, even the bits that made me cry or hide behind cushions, or turn to booze, or call you an idiot. And most of all I want to say thank you. So, thank you.

Anyway, Reuben and Tess. And I love Reuben's voice and I love that he's appointed himself to look after Tess, and it just shows his relationship with Danny, since he didn't even know her before this.

Love Tess asking the question that she must have wondered about for so long, and she could never ask Danny, and of course with the danger it must be even higher in her mind, but it's something to think about that isn't quite as painful as that phonecall to Danny. And, unfortunately, there's no answer that anyone could give her that would make sense to her. She just doesn't think the way they do, does she?

(And just incidentally, and I know that she doesn't know, and I know that she'd never even imagine meaning it that way, and I know that it doesn't even count as foot in mouth, or ignorance, or anything, but I hate Tess just a little for commenting on Rusty's looks and saying he "could make a fortune".)

Tess listening. Awful. Because she isn't part of their world, and she never imagined any of this was possible. And in the midst of that, I really loved the little detail of Yen explaining the Rohypnol and then Basher obviously having to offer an English explanation. (And amazed that someone else didn't have to translate the translation.)

And the phonecall and the truth, and the terribly, terribly ambiguous 'him'. And despite the awfulness of it all, and the desperation, and the fear, I am so glad that Danny managed this time to tell her that he loves her best in the morning. Oh, and when she manages to put the strength and the love that he needs to hear in her voice. Yes. That's why, after all, she is the woman he loves.

So glad that Miguel could understand enough to let Danny go. And even more glad that Saul was there to bring him back from the edge. Because Danny would never be able to deal otherwise. And the argument between Danny's logic and instinct was just perfect. And five seconds would be forever, or a little more.

Yes. Rusty would always fight. And his last thoughts aren't about fear exactly, or regret, it's just practical, and always Danny. And the water and the struggling and the lack of air and the repetition is still so, so painful.

Of course as soon as Vincente saw Danny he would understand exactly what it was that Rusty wouldn't tell him. Probably made everything make a lot more sense. But I wonder if he understood why, since Danny wasn't dead, Rusty was still prepared to risk everything like that? And I suspect he wouldn't.

Oh, the description of what Danny sees . . . so strong and so vivid, and it must hurt him so much. All that and he wasn't there to prevent, or support or anything. And I love that his first instinct is to touch. Always would be. And Rusty being afraid for Danny. Sigh. Perfect.

Love the things that they don't say, and the banter that they almost need to reestablish normalacy. All the horror, and the blood and the vomit, and it's "You need a shave"/"Did you get shorter while I was gone." So, so unbelievably who they are.

And the spoon. You know I've been wondering. And that's definitely ow, and loved the Alan Rickman. Making ordinary things scary. Sure you're not having a little Steven Moffat thing all to yourself? Beware of statues and shadows and small children wearing gasmasks, and waterjugs and spoons and potato peelers.

Love Rusty stubbornly denying that he needs the hospital, and I seriously, seriously doubt that this is the first time that they've had that conversation. And "I'm really fine" is either redefining optimism or redefining denial.

"Rusty made to jump down to the kitchen floor but his legs gave way and he fell against Danny who grabbed him to him. They hung for a moment, heads together, hands on arms, fingers clutching tightly."

Just wanted to quote that because it ends in such a perfect, perfect image, and that's really not all about holding him up. (And the slightly later "I got you"/"I like that you do" is equally wonderful.) But also find myself almost rolling my eyes at the verb 'jump'. Honestly, Rusty . . . not sensible.

The annoyance at the idea of everything having been heard. By everyone. Absolutely Rusty. Because as we both agreed, he really wouldn't like to share. And I love the almost abruptness of what he says to Livingston, and it isn't that the gratitude and the understanding isn't there, its just that he'd never want anyone but Danny to know, (and maybe, ideally, if he could somehow get away with it and survive, not even Danny) and now they do. Although another, small and silly part of my mind is insisting that the phone bill idea has already occured to him.

Saul and Rusty. And there might be unspoken and there might be relief and understanding, but somehow I think that there's also going to be a conversation later. And Linus! What was he going to say? "Rusty, your mouth is a mess?" Because, really, he knows that. Sorry, I found funny, but the starting smiling and bleeding is far, far less so.

(Oh, and incidentally, and not a thing, just a sharing, but the phrase "cornered in a kitchen with no exits" had familiar resonations for me. What can I say? Kitchens and bathrooms, man. Avoid 'em)

First time through I actually wondered whether Bobby had arranged Nicholas, before I blinked and went 'Oh yeah, Mafia.' And can I mention, that in the spirit of one with far too much genre savvy, am more than a little disturbed that we didn't actually see him die. Seriously, unless his body is in the epilogue I'm cringing in fear/hopeful anticipation.

What I'm wondering is did Saul find the chocolates before or after the nil by mouth ruling? Suspect it was probably before, but since in the circumstances they could probably see it coming, it's still a little cruel. And I love Danny trying to steal the strawberry cream (and dude! That's always one of the best!) and Rusty would know exactly which chocolate Danny would go for first.

And just so you know "You're not leaving"/"Never" brought a lump to my throat. And thank god it's true this time round. And them sleeping in each other's arms, and that's probably the first time either of them have managed to rest properly since, uh, the last time they were in bed together. And it's beautiful. And I'm glad she didn't disturb them.

So. That's all for the moment. And mostly I just want to say thank you again. And I was going to say something along the lines of 'Because this has been the best' but there's an epilogue, and besides you have far too many 'bests' for me to keep up.

Sque :D

I love how they start talking like their old selves as soon as the are back together again. And I absolutely loved the part with the chocolate. Great ending to a great fic. I will miss it dearly and I can't wait for the epilouge. :D Thanks for writing it.

Off to eat cake :D I'm 16 today and this made it so much better :D