Lovely and sad and yet . . .

And yet the door to Aslan's country is, for them, in their own world.

Wonderfully done.

That was beautiful. I really felt as though I were in another word when I was reading it. Such a lovely story, with lovely language (both in the words of the Kings and Queens and in the story overall). You are a gifted writer indeed!

I think you have a lot of insight into the characters. The way you showed the transformation of their thoughts and desires was exquisite. Peter’s sense of honor and desire to protect his kingdom, Susan’s longing for real, sincere love, Edmund’s desire to let go of the darkness once and for all, and Lucy’s pull toward something elusive and indefinable were illustrated wonderfully and skillfully. And Peter’s plea to be healed of his pride even as he feels it welling up inside him shows how much he wants to be in the will of Aslan.

The Kings and Queens’ certainty that seeing Aslan will be better than receiving what they thought to be the deepest desires of their hearts, and their belief in and knowledge that He is so much more important than anything else, almost brought me to tears. And then, to have them go meet Aslan in their own world… I really wish your story had been part of the original book. (And to have seen it on screen would have been marvelous!)

The whole piece was sad and beautiful and hopeful all at once. You did a fantastic job. This is one of my all time favorites. I think you should be published!

But...wait...so, Aslan was in England? Had led them there to learn about what they'd forgotten and bring the light of Narnia to their world? Or...did he say it was Aslan because it was the Great Lion's Will that they be sent away still?

This was so sad, so sweet! The part whee Peter chose for his siblings rather than himself and his kingdom nearly made tear spring to my eyes! T.T You rule, Pete (no pun intended! lol.)!

I loved all of their desires! They were so heartfelt and wonderfully sad simultaneously, especially when they gave up such desperate wants for their youngest sister! XP SO beautiful, I tell you!

Rock on! This was absolutely, utterly, heart-wrenchingly beautiful! *U* *U*

Ever-so sincerely signed,

Shizuku Tsukishima749 :D ;D :) ;)

I know this is an LWW fic, but as soon as I finished reading it, the first thing that came to mind was those lines from Voyage of the Dawn Treader: “For you, the door into Aslan’s country is from your own world.” And even if this is an AU fic, since the Pevensies never did catch the stag in Lewis’ version, I can well believe that this might have been their wish, and that this might have been the heart-breaking way in which it was fulfilled.

You’ve ended the fic beautifully, leaving our own imaginations to picture the children's disappointment on landing back in England when they thought they were going to meet Aslan. Did they curse the Stag? Did they remember his words – “Aslan is at the beck and call of no one. And yet I think there is a way for you to find that which you seek. Are you certain that you have requested what pulls most strongly at your hearts? There will be no going back.” When, if ever, did it strike them that returning to England was the only way for them to find what they sought? As Susan says, “It’s a horrid way to have to get to him.” – well, yes, but the right way is often narrow and difficult, isn’t it?

But I’m glad you don’t dwell on the children, and instead returned to the Stag, “trusting in nothing but the wisdom of Aslan to lead four children in a world they thought they had forgotten.”

While I enjoy reading a lot of them, I don’t think I really agree with the view of the many angsty fics that leave the Pevensies with adult minds in children’s bodies post-LWW, with them yearning all the time for their grown-up selves. However, I do believe they yearned for Aslan. Again, quoting from VoDT: “ ‘It isn’t Narnia, you know,’ sobbed Lucy. ‘It’s you. We shan’t meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?’ ”

Which makes it absolutely perfect that it is Lucy who blurts out the desire to see Aslan again. And that all the rest ultimately agree. I think you’ve expressed each of their wishes in a way that draws well from their characters as we see it in the books. And because you’re interspersing each of their internal thoughts with the action of the hunt, the reader hardly misses the dialogue. It works for me.

Thanks for a lovely fic. I’ve just discovered your work and am looking forward to exploring the rest of your stories!

Beautitful story!

Luna

well...that was, depressing :(. But very good. and anyone who knows me knows that anything depressing (especially Edmund angst) is good with me! So...digital fudge and pancakes to you! Congratulations on another job well done!

*click*

Huh. So even if they did catch the Stag and get their wish, they would've ended up in England anyway. I kind of like that idea - it was time for them to go back, for Narnia had taught them all it could and it was time for them to live their own lives, if at least for a little while. Nice job!

This was wonderful.

"Beautiful, and yet rather sad... and yet so beautiful that she wished she could have seen it when it was only beautiful, and not sad at all."

That was... may I have that line? May I take it home and hoard it and bring it out when I'm feeling poorly? Wonderful piece, but that line struck me in the strangest way. Bravo.

This was really well-done! I suppose the Stag was wise enough to know the only way for them to really see Aslan again. I completely forgot what sort of stag they were chasing, when they rediscovered the wardrobe. A very nice fic. Great job.

-weep-

So sad. I thought they were going to get to stay in Narnia.

Although if you go by the second movie, at least one of them did get an unspoken wish granted. (No spoilers here! so proud of self)

I loved this. Thank you.

-M.R.

That was so good.

I think I read this original post, but I'm certainly glad to have read it again. I love that though the others know what they want, it's Lucy who understands the one thing that might satisfy all their desires. I also liked the action of it; I could feel the forest whooshing by in the dark, and the exhaustion of the riders. Maybe it's because I have the night air in my room already, but it felt very real. Excellent story. The end is so very sad, yet so very beautiful, as Lucy thought about something else entirely. :)

First off, good choice of excerpts. You can do so much with that - and yet you use it cleverly, sparingly, not overmuch. I could be perturbed at that, but instead I find it clever.

Thanks for making Peter a little idyllic, then cooling him off immediately with his struggling. Immediately we're into the character who has the toughest time with Aslan (well, here, at least - Ed has the toughest time, at first) and we have to be to understand and SYMPATHIZE (which is big - if we're judging, we read this all horribly wrong) him at the end. Masterful instincts there.

I noticed your progression in and out of the fic with each of our royalty. Good style. I like it. Subtle.

I find each wish to be fitting for the older character and still tying to their characters pre- and post-LWW. Ed's doubt of Aslan's ability to cleanse him is a highly interesting point that I thought the piece hinged upon, since Ed was the one who actually got the Stag to yield. But you twisted it to everyone, instead, which worked...but I can't help to think, 'What if?'

You do overdo - which I think will be my greatest criticism of you, I daresay - in some of the narration. "Was there a river..." nearly made me fork over four dollars because I thought I was at a Hallmark store. It's a lovely sentiment - really - but as an introspective comment? Not quite. (That's the only uber-rich moment. The others - a "crisis" at Cair Paravel seems a bit overstating it (in my reading - I don't sense Peter's urgency as much as I think I should), and "another admittance to desperation" was a touch clunky - are minor, but still there.

Some of your big moments - big sentences, big ideas, big metaphors - work wonderfully. But all of your smaller ones seem to be hitting the mark. I had the same problem going into my freshman year of college, and I'm still sorting it out. I recommend working with simplicity, while still keeping the grandeur of those complicated ideas. It's not easy - to describe or carry out - but I'm trying and I find it quite liberating. In short, do what works for you, and perhaps the way I've described is the one. (If not, keep looking. :D)

Nevertheless, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Your attention to tempo is duly noted. The underuse of dialogue is a risky manuever that paid off.

Excellent work.

Keep writing.

This is beautiful. It is so well written it could almost be right from C.S. Lewis. I think you really captured the writing style of C.S. Lewis, as well as his spirit. I love how everyone realizes that Aslan is more than anything they could ever want. Thank you so much for this story.