The end is so corny

I Really Liked Your Story!(Gosh I Feel Like A Critic!) I Think You Did Really Well But You Shouldn't Have Stopped It There!

I think your paragraphs are just fine :)

I liked the idea, and though I don't know the song I like the lyrics. But I agree with gti88 on one thing: Please keep your comments out of the text, it really trips the reader. Other than that, nicely done!

AMAZING

YAY! this is the rare kinda fanfic where they don't screw it up by adding extra stuff like "He pulled back, blushing madly, 'I'm sorry Haruhi I...' 'Don't speak,' she interrupted and she pulled him back for another kiss. 'I love you too..." and so on and so forth. GOOD JOB!

aww,

how cute!:3

~Noname[NO-nuh-mee or no name;D]

KAWAII!..

i love the song too.. nice choice!..

5/5!*thumbs up**grins*

Good Job!

it was really nice.

cute.

it was GREAT! i just love hikaruxharuhi storys they are the best keep your work up i would love to read another story about them

Right off the bat I'll tell you than I'm the eternal critic type of reviewer, but I'll also offer some pointers on improving your writing...

First the bad news - songfics are highly predictable and incredibly cliched. I'm not saying it's not written well, when in fact it has structure, consistency and good grammar to boot, but what you're looking for here, is style, and that means shunning songfics altogether...now, don't think I'm telling you what to write and what not to write, but that's just what I think...

The other recommendation I have is to banish the words get, like and things from your writing vocabulary, and try to think of ways to say the same phrase with more...rarely used words. That'll go a long way towards developing your own style. :)

Finally, don't turn every plot bunny into a story that can be zapped out within the hour. Instead, try and think about a deeper theme that can be translated into a slightly longer one-shot than this one...and lastly, save the author's notes for the beginning and the end, not for the body of the story. ;)

If you completely hate me for saying the above, I completely understand. :D :p

hey that was great and i love the song _