Nice work. Thanks for the story.

That was awesome! What a good read and a great glimpse into Rifts.

Thanks.

I loved it. It was . I did not see any of the common mistakes i see like comfusing typos of characters names or using the same noun three times in a sentence
They story was awesome. I liked the action too, very well written. I would have liked to know more about what happened at the base amd how the Major was blamed and not thanked for killing her Colonel but i guess that is too obvious to write. The rest story was awesome. The desription of how the pilots skyjets at the beginning was super .

Loved the story. You did an excellent job with the character interactions. Couple of things I noted. I have never seen a Sky Cycle pilot shown with a parachute. I am an Engineer in military aerospace and I do not think Sky Cycles are big enough to allow the weight of a parachute for the pilot. When you look at the weapons it carries a parachute would probably weigh as much as one of the mini-missile pods. Military would take another weapon or more armor instead of the chute. I realize leaving the chutes behind in your story helped emphasize the importance of the mission but it rings a little false for a veteran gamer who knows the game. I would also suggest you could have made these Sky Cycles prototypes for a new model that had a weapons pylon underneath the cycle to carry the smart bomb. The pilots could have bantered in transit to how sluggishly they handled and looked forward to dropping the weapons so they could maneuver better. All in all I really enjoyed it. Look forward to reading more of your work.

Awesome work, man! I'd been looking for ideas for a RIFTS campaign, and I think this convinced me to side with the CS :D

Solid three dimensional characters with a very engaging storyline. Clearly this story takes place very early as Prosek and his minions became increasingly paranoid and elitist until less than one in ten citizens of the CS were literate.

I'd like to see more, especially if LaBlue's intel contacts reveal the whole story and Ghost, Icky, Viper, and the Major get together outside of CS territory.

Oscar

Mojo, overall this was a good, fun read! My only complaint, as a former Marine with a strong air background, was the lack of knowledge of airborne tactics and slang. This is nitpicky, I know, but useful stuff if you're going to continue to write military stories. What you describe as the 'fingers' formation is known as 'line abreast' in both air and ground combat tactics. In line, one behind the other, is a coumn. Another formation is echelon (either left or right), essentially a unit on a diagonal front, advancing in the direction of the first/forward person or craft. Also, when referring to altitude, pilots call every thousand feet an angel, as in "The patrol is at angels five" for five thousand feet. And finally, when aircraft are involved in a firefight, they don't use the "Fox" system, the flight lead declares "weapons free" so they can release without warning. The "Fox" release codes typically are used in CAS, close air support, to provide grunts the opportunity to hit the ground. There are a lot of military slag and commands, and I urge you to investigate in order to make your writing less disruptive to those who know.

Again, I really enjoyed your work, and hope you'll write more for RIFTS. Please feel free to email me at: .

It's been awhile since we've heard anything from Ghost and company? Any new adventures to look forward too?

very nice, i like it

This story was phenomenally well done, and opens up for multiple follows up. Specifically, I would be interested to know what happens to the Major after she flees the command post.

Awesome

Please write more stories.

Good overall, and a nice wrap up while leaving room for more if you want to pursue it.

The presence of the ISS was odd and seemed forced. They aren't needed for the story and there's no real reason for them to be present at a military award ceremony.

Speaking of which, it is clear that Ghost is going to recover, more or less. So he should have recieved his medal on parade. A general coming by to check up on him and tell him they're going to pin a medal on him is still appropriate.

I have to questiont the use of bionics as cybernetics would work just as well at replacing his missing parts and would cost much less. I can't imagine the CS applying bionics to someone who wasn't willing going into the operation.

As for the 14th disbanding, that seems a little extreme, my contention that the whole incident shouldn't of happened that way aside. And I still maintain that it shouldn't have happened.

Icky seemed to expect his former commander to 'get over it' in an amazingly short time.

This chapter would have worked better if it had been divided up more.

The first scene would be Ghost waking up and having his situation explained to him by the doctor.

The second and seperate scene would be his friends showing up to check up on him. Then he can learn the results of the battle. As it is one suspects they were waiting just outside the door for over a week or else just by cosmic coincidence showed up after he woke up.

The third scene would be the general arriving, perhaps with his friends there on a second trip to see their bedridden fellow. Again, either the general has been waiting around or just happened by at exactly the right moment. What would he have done if Ghost had still been in a coma?

You have a lot of talent for writing and story telling. Your characters are awesome and your dialogue is natural. You're either familar with the military to some extent or done at least a little research into the subject. I think the only thing you need to work on is being more logically critical of your plot and plot devices.

I hope you've found my critisms to be constructive and helpful as they were intended. I also hope that you keep on writing as you clearly have a talent for it.

Very interesting how you showed the perspective of the bug queen. I liked that a lot.

"Selflessness ultimately greater than those who had no self".

Brilliant! Loved this.

I was a little surprised that it seems the pilot survived but I'm a fan of happy endings. Still, if you had decided to kill him, then you set the stage well and did an excellent job of preparing the audience mentally for what was to come.

So far, I'd have to say that this is the best chapter of the story so far. A very nice climax to the battle.

Again your writing talent shows through in this chapter.

Only one nit. loan should be lone.

I'm really feeling for both Sgt LeBlue and Wolf 1. Heck, for Icky too. They're all in terrible places and all of them are doing the best that they can. The characters are very sympathetic and real. it's easy to feel empathy for them.

Very good job showing how the combatants, especially LeBlue are coming to understand how their enemy operates. Even if this mission isn't a complete success, the lessons learned will be highly valuable for future operations.

And this chapter demonstrates ever so clearly the relevancy of my earlier remark.

When you arrest someone, you place them under guard.

Frankly, the events of this chapter should not have happened.

Which is unfortnate because the writing is good. You really feel Wolf leaders sense of loss. Not only of his colleagues and friends but also of control and his military bearing and cool.

The reader definitely gets the feeling of "WTF" from the young Armor Lt and his Spider Skull Walker crew. There is definitely a sense of helplessness here.

The chapters pacing and length were also, both very good.

In short, the writing is excellent but the plot point/action it's based around isn't logical and that ruins it-and that's a shame.

There are other ways you could have gone about this. Radios are notoriously sensative to the weather. A loss of comms could have resulted from a sudden weather front. The CS has tech savvy foes that might also take an oppurtunity to sow chaos and destruction amongst their ranks. The armored column could have been ambushed before being able to aid their fellows. Perhaps the bugs were hiding, buried just beneath the earth and then sprang up.

I'm harping about the logical flow of this story because the writing is excellent. So anything that jars the reader out of the story is that much worse.

I think there's a lot that can happen here. I think that a conflict between the CS and the bugs is an excellent vehicle for you to showcase your talent.

And logical plotholes aside, this story is still much better than the novels that were published.

I'm still clicking the next chapter button.