fuck yea

YAY! LXNear

wel that was interesting. that 45 seconds jus made my day. I liked how you got 'rite to it' -if u will- I LO IT! x2

I enjoyed the consept and that you got right to the smex.

Nice job. It's really good for your first one as far as detail goes, it would have been nice if it was a little longer though, maybe a bit more drawn out please. - Great job! Keep up the great work!

I have a couple of suggestions

1) Organize your writing into paragraphs for easier reading

2) Set up the scene more. You don't mention where this is happening or when or why theyre sitting in this room together.

3) Set up the relationship a little more. You just start with them enamored with each other. But its kind of hard to believe since they have quite an age difference and we never really saw them interact. It needs a little more set up about why they like each other and how long theyve liked each other and how it started.

As far as the sex scene, I think you've got that down pretty well.

Oh sweetness _ m nice, I lov not enough of it out there, I just wish it didn't end so soon but thats really good for a first attempt.