Your someone who needs the crap beaten out of for this one. It’s naruhina you piece of scum sucking trash. Always has been from the beginning and always will be and thank Kami it’s been proven and those who were always blind to it don’t deserve to breath.

Oh and I didn’t even read this because of the pairings. Sasuke and Hinata stories or any stories where Naruto and Hinata aren’t together with Hinata as the MAIN girl if it’s a trashy harem makes me want to stab my brains in to paste if I could to get rid of knowledge such as this filth.

OMG UPDATE! :)

Look, you're from the USA. You should know how to type with proper grammar.

Plus, you added this last update in January. I was expecting some improvement over the course of THREE YEARS, but no, I got let down.

You still end certain conversations with commas when it doesn't fit, and you still don't add question marks and exclaimation points to certain points. I get that you might not want to use them for whatever reason, but they help to add emotion. There are certain phrases lacking punctuation from your story that, when read aloud, make the characters seem like cardboard cut-outs, and that is not a good thing (although that's implying everyone from Naruto wasn't already an emotionless twit right from the beginning).

You also seem to have no idea how humans interact amongst one another or even behave - unless Sasuke has a serious case of bi-polar disorder, I highly doubt he can go from being a deranged psychopath to a Casanova in .5 seconds, even if he was seriously messed up in the show. I also highly doubt Hinata would FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM after all of the crap he's put her through during the other chapters.

He saves her life, yadda yadda, but he STILL treat her like absolute shit even after that - humans don't respond to such behaviour the way you've written them to.

I must congratulate you, though, you managed to make a horrible show's terrible action sequences even more boring through work of fictional story! You deserve an award for doing that, though I'd have to make one up, because that's normally not a good thing either.

I hope you don't have any intentions of arguing with me that it's hard to write action sequences in a story, because there are plenty of authors that manage it just fine. Look up Robert Crais or Robert Ludlum for a good example as to how well someone can pull off making an action sequence interesting just through words and adjectives.

Speaking of action sequences; why the M-rating? There's nothing in this story (so far at least, and I read all 16 chapters (ugh)) that would make it seem at all Mature; sure, Sasuke's a complete pervert at some points, but he doesn't do anything that would warrant THAT rating. Same with whatever gore you've written, it's so vague that you wouldn't notice.

You didn't win many points in my book with this story, and it's not a big surprise. I've yet to find a fanfic writer who can pull off a decent Naruto story in general, let alone a romantic one.

No, don't tell me that I should check out Mission: Save Hikari instead just because it's your latest one, because I've read the last chapter and you did the same shit I mentioned in the first paragraph of this review - that's a different story, however, so I'm not going to delve into it.

Keep trying and look up some writing tips from authors, as well as put some more studying into English class. That's the best advice I can give other than "just stop this and get a better hobby" - your profile says you're too lazy to type, so if you're not going to put in the effort to write, you shouldn't bother doing it at all.

Great chapter. No great story hope u update soon.

this story is AMAZING loved it

really really fantastic

this is a great story

i cant wait for the next chapter!

Hmm, still wondering about the whole sensei thing, wouldn't sempai be more appropriate for their relationship since he is an older, stronger and the leader of the group. Anyway, no big deal, I still liked the chapter and I could see Hinata hiding the fact that she was poisoned, she wouldn't want to make a big deal of it. Nicely done.

Good chapter.

wow and wow this is a good story i like the last chapter make a new one soon im new on this site please read my new naruto fanfiction

im kinda pissed about hinata's OC... wtheck is up with the mood swings?

it is an interesting story but sasuke is to much out of character with every thing .you lowered his skills you need to check on sasuke more the way your writing him is wronge hinata is ok but that is not he skill level yet and you made sasuke weak he is post to be at least at sage level and the attitude is wrong to others to but ok story

Who exactly is he man at?

can you do me a favor and update as soon as possible. i love this story.

i just finished reading all 14 of them. i think it's wonderful. i cant wait to see what happens next -

Ouch! What's going to happen now that sasuke saw them!

UPDATE!