F*ckkkkk. I don't usually curse, but god damn it. This story is blowing me apart into itty bitty tiny pieces and I can't stop. Please do me a favor and bludgeon me with a hammer before shattering any more of my fragile, cracked heart. The hurt, the angst... god it kills me, but my eyes refuse to turn away. It hurts so good (and I mean that in a nonsexual way, but at the same time, maybe not because this story is like emotional rape porn with sheer desperation and want wafting off the pages).

I love Minato, really, because of how bright, kind, and gentle he is- he's so genuine and open with his emotions, and that kind of character is dangerously charismatic. Yet it also brings to mind how he can so easily slaughter countless men and women in a single afternoon and still come home with a big, happy smile on his face for his loved ones. So yeah, there's that side- which is also entrancing with its darkness and thrilling really, with all its implications for what the whole of his personality consists of. The fact that revealing his less human side lets him bond with Kakashi, is somehow so fitting. Then there's the change.

The mission puts a halt on Kakashi's life and twists it into something out of control. I love that Sandaime waits for Kakashi and loses sleep over it, and I'm genuinely proud of him for listening to Kakashi all the way through- as a kind of repentance but also as a way to take full responsibility of what he has done- because he had effectively sentenced Kakashi to an indefinite duration of being raped and violated and tortured, and he better own up to what he has broken.

Kakashi is written so amazingly here. His yearning to be the perfect shinobi has made him a slave to the village, one easily exploited and abused, as he has been through the Sandaime's actions, no matter the guilt behind it. His past defines him, and he hasn't had the chance to heal through Team Seven yet. So, he's still a little robot who feels but shuts it away and dives deeper into the abyss.

The training (the human reaction of Cat makes me want to weep for him and Kakashi both), his stay in the prostitute training house (blue eyed, blonde haired Ling, resembling his sensei enough to make Kakashi's thoughts wander and realize what his longing represents), and then the execution (when Kakashi turns to Ishida for fulfillment when it's not necessary but not forbidden either, and Kakashi realizes that he may be losing himself)- all of it kept me on my toes and wishing for more despite the fact that I probably shouldn't enjoy reading about another's suffering, fictional or not. I felt uncomfortable reading about essentially rape and torture under a very thin cover of consent, but it was written so well that I didn't cringe like I may have for other stories of a similar nature. It is different and new and perhaps not completely off the mark on what could have happened, because Kakashi is so vulnerable to authority, and he is still a kid despite all his combat prowess and genius.

And god, Kakashi's sheer want for his sensei is so compelling because it's in the very language of this entire story. Each word drips with restrained passion and yearning, and it's the part that makes me feel like there's a bomb set to go off anytime, planted precariously in my heart. Each time Minato acts just a little off kilter (when they stare into each other's eyes and he breaks away his gaze because something's changed; when Rin recounts how crazed and unnatural Minato appeared the day after Kakashi leaves; when Minato tells his two genin students- who he usually indulges and somewhat coddles- to shut up in an offhand manner because he's too engrossed in watching Kakashi; when his very being is focused on Kakashi because they have a cold war going on and he can't stand it...) I get so hopeful, thinking that is a tiny step, just a little progress so that Kakashi's heart won't crumble into dust. There is so much potential, and I shiver in wait for it.

I don't suppose you'll get back to writing as it has been 10 years since the last update, but I want to thank you for sharing this story with us. It is beautifully written and so, so compelling. If you could tell after my very long rant, I very much enjoyed this story and consider it one of several masterpieces in this fandom. Thank you.

Such an awesome fic
The darkness, angst and characterization are super good, story is interesting plus your style is great

So what's the point of this story?

I'm really trying to wrap my mind around why you chose to tell this story and told it this way. Why do the ninjas need to sign a child up for a molestation mission when they could send a team to do a smash-and-grab before dumping him in T&I to get the information they need? Why not send someone to pull a genjutsu on him? Or blackmail him? Or bribe him?

There is a way to broach subjects of human weapons and sexual abuse and a horrible, broken system - but this whole thing feels tone deaf.

Like the line about Kakashi's rape-tutor fucking him harder than usual, so he must be angry with himself. What? Are we supposed to feel bad for the guy? Are we supposed to be angry with Cat for doing it or Hiruzen for allowing it or the target for making it necessary?

Are you trying to show us the ninja system is a horror show? Well, we already knew that when Kakashi lost his father, his eye, his friend, and his sensei before he was 18.

This feels like it set out to be grim and ugly and lurid simply for the sake of being grim and ugly and lurid. There is a place for darkness and depravity in fiction, but to what end? What are you trying to do here? Are you trying to make a point about child prositution - that it exists? There's a time and place where the horrors go on for so long that I, as a reader, stop responding to them. I don't feel angry or horrified anymore. I'm numb to it all. I'm simply baffled that you've done any of this.

Why?

Do dark and scary... loving it do far though. I also like your characterization of young Kakashi- there’s a good balance of nativity and the jaded aspects of his character

J'aurais tellement voulu une suite !

stumbled across this fic and it made me fall in love all over again. really hoping you'll continue! i absolutely love your characterization of kakashi

fuck i love this fic so much. i just found it and i couldnt stop reading thank you so much for this. i love how you wrote kakashi, how he is slowly going back to normal expect he wont ever be the same and and omg i just lovw how hmyou write really youre amazing you left me shaking. literally.
i really need an update of this. i know you probably dropped the story and thats fine bc everyone has a life irl and all but if you stoll want to keep writing please do it. i just needed to tell you how much i love this story. thank you for writing it!

this is haunting. excellently written

Been thinking of this fic again lately. I feel that it never really leaves my mind. I think I last reviewed a few years ago but I just wanted to let you know that this remains one of my all time favourite fics. The emotion conveyed throughout the story just stays with you. This is one of those stories that makes you gasp aloud and cover your face in despair while simultaneously makes you unable to look away. Thank you so much for writing this story and sharing it. Hope you have been well!

I never planned to continue this, not after the scene with Cat, and never after the scene with the boy crying Mommy. it literally kills me to read this and not be forced to do it, if I was forced to read it, I wouldn't blame myself for it, but I do blame myself for it, and now I want to go to that brothel and save all the children. I can't, it's just fiction but I care too much, I care too much for Kakashi and all the other children who aren't Kakashi. for the first time ever, I hate a fanfiction. I hate it for making me feel this way when I know I can't do anything, and it just reminds me of how useless I am. how useless most people are to a case like this. there's a pedophile and a sex-offender who lives right next to us, he likes little boys, and you know what the police did? they didn't do shit, even though he had lured and raped little children in plain sight or in his car. why didn't they do anything? because of his family name, and where he's from. and so, he still lives next door, and a worker is with him who's always watching him. I know why, but he doesn't know that I know. I get this feeling in my gut whenever I hear a child play or scream outside of my window (and that happens very often) because of this. I've watched the movie The Crucible or Silenced, and was pleased when I saw that having watched this movie did not only motivate me but also left me content when I heard a bill was passed after the controversy this had created. I know it has nothing to do with this fanfiction, but it really reminded me of reality. that this also exists, that this isn't something that'll only happen in a movie, but happens also in real, right under our noses.

hoping it will be updated... somehow... ;_;

Is it still in progress?

this fic was so well-written and gut wrenching, it sucks it stopped right before it picked up. if by some insane chance this does ever get finished one day, ill be waiting

Gah! Don't stop here! This is too good!

Please update at least let Kakashi have a good life first