This was hilarious. Please do a 10 Tips for you and your new dumb blonde

This is so messed up, but it's HILARIOUS. I would love it if you could add a section on "10 Tips for your Blonde Idiot"

Awwww! I want to adopt Clopin now...

Were you thinking of inviting all the main characters from the disney movie to your home when writing these advice? They really make me laugh as you captured each character perfectly and you did think of many challenges they might face in modern times but you were able to present solutions for them. You even thought of fanfictions concerning the characters and if the characters should be confronted with them; if yes, you offered explanations how should the subject be approached.
Should Quasimodo use a home gym for tip 3 in your first chapter for not losing his strength if there was no other availability to ring bells? The main issue will be clothing but you did cover that subject very well in chapter five; you just have to be very skilled in sewing and knitting. Canadian winters must be very cold when reading this chapter. The only problem is finding a Wal Mart to buy a sewing machine as they do not have stores in Germany any more. Another issue will be the language when you have to be fluent in French and Latin, but that also counted for the other characters.
For the other characters like Clopin and Esmeralda it seemed easier to make them feel comfortable and I agree with you that it would be hard to satisfy Frollo. I think Esmeralda and Clopin are most easily to make them feel comfortable. What about Phoebus, do you intent to write tips how he should be treated eventually?

Great, but one note
Parisian French has actually changed a lot over the centuries, where as Québécois has changed very little in the past 500 years

The gargoyles part was perfect...as was the irreverent prostate exam humor. This made my day!

Welcome back! Love this 'story' and had completely forgotten about it (sorry). Hoping for more updates soon.

This is funny. The prostate exam might also relieve some of his frustrations. Or perhaps just find a call-girl that is strong enough to take him if he gets nasty about the servicing.

i'm actually a jehovah's witness and i couldn't stop laughing the 'dead evangelicals' bit :)

this... is... FUNNY.
but what the hell do you have against colorful clothes? LOL

I have been giggle'd. Your story is very creative, well done!

XD I think I woke up my whole house with my laughter X3 I love this you should make more when you have time.

*snicker* are you going to do other characters from Hunchback?

I hope this fic isn't discontinued. I find it quite witty and expect entries on "Ex-Captain of the Guard", "Feminist Gypsy Temptress" and/or "Kindly Priest". Maybe even "10 Tips on Banishing Annoying Sequel Characters". Whatever's good for you.

Can you please submit

Tips for you and your Captian of the Guard?

Ah lurrfs Phoebus.

Oh, and if you do, maybe include...

1) No Esmerelda. In fact, no other females in general until fully steady. Wandering eyes, ya no?

2) No Mapquest. Not good with maps

3) No need for barn or silo, does not seem to be musically inclined.

4) Swordfight once in a while, will sharpen your reaction tine and will be good outlet.

5) Never be afraid for romance. It is proven he is very good with lines, but can be an idiot.

6) No goats. They seem to carry an adversion to him...