I'm so sorry my review was late! But believe me I read this chapter as soon as you updated. It's just cause I have a short attention spance and always forgot to review, heh. You are doing a fantastic job! And don't get discouraged from negative comments, cause as an author, you'll face those. Just remind yourself you got people who support you aswell ] Yes, your grammer is a little off but that's something you can fix, lol. Your plot is awesome, aswell as everything else, so fantastic job. You have got me hooked on this story, and I will wait patiently for next update ] Good luck!

NO NOT MARTH! D: I loved all the action in this chapter! You do fight scenes really, really well. Ooh, and the little bit of romance (?) between Alara and Marth was so cute. Just a quick tip, though I'm sure you already know- you should end speech with a period. Oh, and it's 'follow' not 'fallow' :]

Your grammar is dreadful.

VERY nice chapter. Quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but that's alright, the story/plot is so good that I don't really care about grammar anymore. Haha. I really can't wait to see more of 'them', and Link and Peach were funny together. Keep up he good work. :D

That was the best chapter so far D I'm so glad you updated, I was afraid you gave up on this story

Hehe, Great Humor Aw, poor Link, Peach is annoying, and always will be, lol.

I really love this story!

Plz continue! )

I like this so far, just a few spelling errors. I'll read more of this later :)

Good job here :) I did see a couple of typos, like a missed space after a comma but nothing horrible. Alana sounds very cute, I hope you are planning on a MarthxOC pairing (Something new and different, YAY!). Update soon!

wow, I saw lots and lots and LOTS of Improvement here. but just a few things that arent really mistakes but I would like to point out- the beggning, the word 'over' was a tad overused. I understand that they were speaking through thier headsets but it just seems it was used too much.

2. Red is 10 years old, not 16. misspelled Charizard. other than those, this was really, really good and I liked your humor sprinkled in there. good job.

This is your first story? i hope you mean just on because that story is good quality.

nice attempt at humor. It was pretty good. nice dry humor, with a bit of different types mixed in.

Seems interesting so far, keep it up.

Since you asked for a review over at RK's forum, I'm here to give you one. First off, there's A LOT of room for improvement.

Reviewers have mentioned it before - your grammar and sentence structure really makes your fic lose its quality. So I'll take it bit by bit and tell you where I think you've gone wrong with this story:

1. Is a character list really necessary? If you think it's crucial to have a list of who's in your story, at least spell their names right:

-Falco's surname is Lombardi.

-Why don't the Ice Climbers get initial caps? Not important enough?

-Obviously not, 'cause Ness is the important one! He's in the list twice!

-Speaking of caps, Falcon is a Captain - with a capital C.

-Jigglypuff, not Jiggily Puff.

-Meta Knight.

-Pikmin, not Pikman.

2. APOSTROPHES. Learn to use them correctly. Take for example, "Authors notes". They're your notes, i.e they belong to you, so stick in an apostrophe to show possession: 'Author's notes'. Your chapter title 'Arrival's at the weary warrior inn' also has a wrong use of the apostrophe. And since it's a title, give it initial caps where it applies: "Arrivals at the Weary Warrior Inn".

3. Now onto the actual story itself. It is riddled with errors:

"Cold dark and dreary was the night, the damp chill air seemed to go right through him as he wondered down the desolate street."

-Very awkward sentence structure. Why not go for 'The night was cold...' etc.? Even if you stick with your sentence structure above, you'll need an 'and' after 'night' or a semicolon perhaps or else the rest of the sentence can't follow.

-Commas between lists of adjectives: "Cold, dark and dreary". Makes it easier to read, see. I'll give you a better example of this later.

-'Wandered', not 'wondered'. Wonder is to think about; wander is to walk around aimlessly. That's the word you're looking for.

"The dark shadows of night cast long shadow’s across the already dark street."

-APOSTROPHE!

-Two sentences into your opening chapter and you've said 'dark' three times.

-How do shadows cast shadows?

"Folding his arms tight across his chest in an attempt to keep out the chill, Link bowed his head to the cold."

-Aha, a sentence that's ok!

-...Though bowing your head to the cold sounds a bit weird. Maybe bowing to protect yourself from the cold, but hey, whatever goes.

"Puffs of frozen breath came out from beneath the golden locks that had fallen over his face."

-Eh...again, sounds a bit weird. Surely breath wouldn't come from beneath his hair? That would be his neck or something. How about behind? Or better yet, avoid being overly descriptive and just say the breath came out from his mouth. A good story doesn't have to have paragraphs of flowery description to set the scene. Chances are it will be too contrived anyway.

"need a place to stay warrior?” came a raspy old man’s voice came from the shadows beneath a hanging wooden sign."

-Speech is just like a sentence, so give it a capital letter at the beginning.

-You don't need 'came' twice. Use one or the other.

-Comma after 'stay'. The old man would naturally pause there, so indicate it with a comma.

"The light from the windows was swallowed by the darkness that surrounded the place making it difficult to read the sign."

-Oh look, it's the work 'dark' again! By now, you have established it's dark. You don't need to constantly remind your readers.

-Comma after 'place'.

"Link lifted his head and examined the shadowed figure of the bent old man."

-...Hey, I'm starting to notice the word 'shadow' cropping up a little too often now.

There you go, two paragraphs of your first chapter and I've written an essay on it. As I said before, there's room for a lot of improvement with this fic.

4. Still reading? Then I'll take you to one sentence in this chapter that is dying for commas. And a full stop, come to that.

"Before long the inn keeper returned with a bowl of hot water and a roll of bandages along with that he brought clean rags to help with washing the wound."

...This will read better if you use proper punctuation:

"Before long, the inn keeper returned with a bowl of hot water and a roll of bandages. Along with that, he brought clean rags to help with washing the wound."

Though of course, I'd say this sentence is weird sounding and would completely rewrite it to be:

"Soon, the inn keeper returned with a bowl of hot water and a roll of bandages, as well as some clean rags."

And this sentence, by the way, is near-impossible to read:

"“we were ambushed all of our men were slaughtered we barely escaped with our lives” the man explained."

5. In summary, get a beta reader to help you with your grammar. Edit your chapters and proofread them before posting. Do a bit of research into how grammar works, particularly comma use, apostrophes and the difference between you're/your, there/their etc.

Your first chapter is what draws in your readers, so no writer can afford to have lots of mistakes in there. I'm not keen on reading on, on the basis that this chapter really didn't impress me. Maybe there are others out there who think the same but haven't let you know.

I understand I might come across as very harsh, but hopefully with these pointers you can improve and become a better writer. No one is expecting a work of perfection on your first try. What makes the difference is whether you choose to act upon the criticisms you've received, ignore them or launch back an equally harsh reply to me. Up to you.

Anyway, if you do go back to edit that character list like you said, edit this chapter while you're there.

Apologies if I've caused any offense, and best of luck.

~Byoshi

This is fascinating. I love where the plot is going, it's absolutely absorbing - the dialog is nice, the characters are real, and I like how the backstories of the characters are being introduced.

Um, my only critique is your grammar and some spelling (the spelling is much better, though). A lot of run-on sentences and a few missed capitalizations. My main suggestion to improve the grammar is to not forget the commas, they're very visually appealing. :)

Added to favorites, and eagerly awaiting the next chapter.

Hey K.J!

Told you I'd review your story if I got the chance. Okay, first off you have a solid plot. I'm still a bit in the dark concerning the creatures that are terrorizing the town, but I expect that to be cleared up in time. Also, a bit more backstory for each character would be a good thing to add to as you go, but you can always do that in small bits over time so it's not a big deal right now. Each Smasher so far seems to be acting in character and the dialogue is good (same with the occasional humor). By the way, don't be afraid to add more description / violence to the action, because that's what the T rating is for. Same goes for curses and stuff like that if you're into that sort of thing, but don't overuse them if you do.

Your spelling and grammer could use some more work, but like you said you're already taking care of that so I won't bother you about that. One question though, what word processor are you using? If you have Microsoft Word or a similar word processor, there should be a tool called spell check that you can use to help catch spelling and grammer errors before you give them to your friend to proofread (and also recently added it on the document editor page as well, so you can use that too). Overall though, a great start for you first fic! Keep up the good work man, and let me or one of the others know if you have any questions for us. I look forward to the next chapter. Later!

-Chief

I like where the story is going :D although my favorite character seems a little weak and helpless (marth) x.x but good storyline so far keep it up :P

Yay! a new chapter! I saw alot of Improvement in your spelling. and scene changes were seperated. although there were some commas and periods still missing , it was great. I like where this is going and its alright if there is a little violence-thats what the T rating is for. _