That was a very good short fic that gave great inside to how Jack must of really felt. You did a fabulouse job on describing his feelings! Keep up the good work!

Should think Jack would feel like that seeing his team go through the gate. Nicely thought out and done. Thanks for sharing.

Not bad. I'm not intimately familiar with Stargate (I saw the movie and I saw the original show in bits and pieces, collectively maybe nothing longer than an episode and a half, and I've seen even less of Atlantis), but I do recognize the characters (I think) and I understand the situation, so I'm pretty sure I follow you in this, haha. Kudos?

Anyway:

[squeezes his lungs until he’s finding it hard to breathe correctly] - I think turning that to "he finds" rather than "he's finding" is less jarring, not to mention more in line with your other sentences throughout.

[god’s sake!] - Christian God, or something similar? Most monotheistic religions would capitalize God, but I'm not sure if I'm missing something.

The parenthesis I rarely see in actual prose, but you handled them well. I might have used hyphens instead, maybe, but that's just stylistic difference.

Everything else was well done.