This is a great story. I would love to read more stories of yours.

I think this could have been a really good story, but there's a lot of issues with it that are a bit too jarring to overlook.

One, a lot of the dialogue is a bit too...slangy. Of course we don't know exactly when The Little Mermaid took place, but I'd assume it's no later than the mid-1800s. With that in mind, it's very odd to see the characters saying things like "Man" and "We good?", and etc. Especially someone of a more dignified upbringing like Eric.

Staying along the lines of the dialogue, it's all very...awkward. The way the characters talk to each other never feels natural or engaging. It all reads like an uncomfortable first meeting at a lame party. These characters are supposed to be family and friends and, in Ariel's and Eric's case, lovers. Yet it's always like none of them have ever talked to each other before.

Also, Ariel 'giggles' way too much. It makes her come off as an air-head. Once or twice is okay, but it seems like she's giggling every other line. You tend to use a lot of the same descriptors repeatedly.

I think the interactions and scenes overall could use a lot more detail. Everything has moved along really quickly, yet it feels like we don't know these characters at all. Take Jordan, for example. When we first meet him, he's this sort of friendly merman who seems to have a curious interest in humans, just like Ariel. But why? And how did he get all of that human stuff? And how does he know so much about it? Instead of giving any insight into this character at all, he's immediately thrown into the villain role. Yet, we can't really understand this decision because we don't KNOW this character in the slightest. It's especially crucial for you to establish this character considering he is an OC. We, as readers, have nothing to base him off of. At least with canon characters, we already have an idea of who they are and what their backgrounds are.

Even so, it's the same problem with Ariel and Eric. We're told that these two are infatuated with each other, even in love, but we don't see it and we definitely don't feel it. It's just spoon-fed to us without forming any real connection with what's going on. None of the emotions are realistic or expanded upon. 17 chapters into this story and I haven't felt anything for any of these characters, nor have I become immersed in their story. I've been painfully aware that I've been reading a story this entire time and that's not a good thing.

Also, a lot of the plot choices are extremely cliche and, while there's nothing particularly wrong with a cliche here and there, you don't really try to do anything new or exciting with them. The love triangle, the jealous man (merman in this case) who wants the main female protagonist, the main female protagonist getting amnesia...these are merely contrived plot conveniences. They don't really add to the story and seem to be thrown in there just for the sake of 'excitement', yet it's all very boring to get through.

Your writing in general is very stilted and lacking in imagination. The descriptions are bland and unremarkable. There's nothing new or exciting being offered here. If you're still writing, learn to take your time, learn to re-read your work and EDIT EDIT EDIT. Really push yourself to be more than just average. Ask yourself over and over "how can this be better?" "does this flow?" "is this how real people interact and speak with each other?" Don't be afraid to delete what you have and start over again and again until you get it right. That's what extraordinary writing takes.

Put yourself in your characters' shoes. Put yourself in the scene. Imagine the way everything looks and feels and describe it as if you were truly there. Make it realistic and raw. Don't try too hard to make everything sound glamorous. It only makes your story read like every other average piece of writing out there.

Also try to refrain from using words and phrases like "See", "of course", "regardless", etc, in the prose itself because it takes away from the flow and reminds us that we're having a story told to us by someone. It shouldn't feel like the author is there speaking to us.

Your grammar itself isn't overly terrible, but it could definitely use some polishing. I will at least commend you on being one of the few TLM writers whose story is grammatically coherent.

All that being said, if you don't actually care that much about writing, or if you've stopped writing since this story, feel free to ignore everything I've said. Otherwise, I wish you the best of luck in your future writing endeavors.

THANKS FOR THE WICKED REFERENCES MY GOD THEY WERE PERFECT

I like the pace this story is going at. Good Job :)

Beautiful, simply beautiful! ;w;
This is an awesome story, keep up the good work! w

I really really love this

This is a cute story. Caught the reference immediately, good movie lol

I loved it! Absolutely loved it!

you have an ipod? Woohoo I'm notthe only fanfiction person with an ipod! anyway great chapter

lol,my sister covered her mouth and ran off from this story anyways I love this story favorites

It was so beautiful.

*Sobs*

This is a really good story. I understand that it's already completed but I still like to comment... Why is King Triton trying to marry off Ariel when she's got 6 older (single) sisters?... Just wondering...

Nice use of the Enchanted quote

I recognized those quotes right off the bat!

Interesting...I can't wait to see what happens next