An excellent story, now if you can just get rid of Daniel somehow, who knows!

What do I think? I think I want another chapter. I like the direction you are taking with this story. -EarthBug

Nice chapter.

Hey- I have four chapters of review to catch up on, so sorry if this is long- but from one writer to another, to start off, I love your comedy. You should do more with humor, you seem to have a talent for it. Also, good job with dialogue, especially Teal'c. I loved in the first chapter, when he says "We have acquired food." Acquired is such a good word!

Okay, I noticed several words that were out of place, or the wrong tense, or had letters switched. They are hard to catch when editing, cause the spell check won't catch them, so a good tip is to read your piece backwards, line by line, when editing. This allows you to make sure each sentence makes sense on its own, without being caught up in the story line. For example, chapter three had the line "It rocked threaten" which should have been "It threatened to rock." Also, you typed though as through in chp 3 & 4, and at the end of four, I can't figure out what "alter" was supposed to be at all. Just to name a few spots. As for grammar, that has always been my week point to. Dumb semi colons.

You also need to work on time and place tags. Tags are subtle clues to tell the reader when the action is taking place, where it is happening, who is thinking or speaking, etc. Some spots that needed better tags include: Chapter two, when the thought flow switches from Sam to Jack, Chapter four- when Sam suddenly has 12 fish and when Jack and Daniel magically had some, and the whole fourth paragraph in Chapter four was just confusing. A few words should clear up the confusion in these spots, like in chapter two, add "Meanwhile in the living room, Jack was thinking..." or something similar. The second to last paragraph in chapter four could start "At the end of the day, Jack thought that they had been successful." This automatically tells readers that it is later in the day.

Again- great comedy. I want to see more! You have a talent for it.

Hannannator

i hope your dad gets better! I love this story!

JJ:P

I am sorry about your Dad and glad that he is doing well. Take care and when you can continuing writing. I love this story and waiting for the update.

:-)

LOVE THIS STORY! Keep up the superb writing!

Saw more syntax errors. Also, a scene breaker of sorts between Sam's first and twelfth fish would have made the story easier to track. And, why the switch to calling Daniel, Jackson?

Oh yeah, I could see Sam using a fish attractant to catch more fish than Jack, just to one-up him!

Daniel is pathetic at noticing the obvious, isn't he? I guess Jack will just have to make a secret call to the SGC archeology department and implant the idea in someone's head to recall Daniel.

Please update real soon. I am enjoying this story. -EarthBug

You may want to go through this chapter and re-edit it. Quite a few spelling and syntax errors. Correcting them will make this chapter flow together alot smoother, making it easier to read.

Sam seems a little out of character with her word choices (i.e. stupid). I love how she kicks herself for not coming up for a plan to get out of the trip. Put her in a do or die situation on a mission, no problem. Leave her in social situation and she flounders. (hee, hee, I love puns!)

-EarthBug

This is actually my second time reading through the first couple chapters, but my first time reviewing it. I noticed a few typos, though.

I like the last two lines. Who's going to prevail? I hope Sam comes round to Jack's way of thinking, in the end. Beautiful stargazing scene. It seemed real.

So... any more poker games coming up? Maybe another type of game/board game?

-EarthBug

Loved the keep-away game. And the reasons Sam gave about fishing. I see how her karma plays into SG1's misadventures!

Too bad the others had to be included. Sly Jack, he knew he wouldn't hold Sam to that bet if the others weren't included!

-EarthBug

That's great news about your dad! The important thing is that he's getting better, stories, and we will always be here. :)

Glad your Dad is getting better. Look forward to the story being continued.

Cute chapter. I'm glad Sam got over her fear.

:-)

Nice one, keep up the good work.