Well, first of all. You need to fix your grammar. Because the first thing reviewers look for is grammar and proper placement ., and ;

And only do a " " when the person said something. Like;

"blah blah blah" said so-in-so.

-

2nd of all, you need to have proper spelling. And not merge your words together, so that they don't become un-readable. Because fans of a particular series are looking for this.

Here's a correct way.

"Ben, I need help here fending off these DNAliens!" Said his buddy; Kevin.

Sorry dude, but here's your report card of your story.

Grammar: B (I'm not much of a "people with bad grammar hater". But without proper grammar, your story wouldn't be readable).

Effort: B (at least you tried)

Spelling: D (as said, spelling is really important. Without this, your story would be unreadable.)

And remember, do not merge your words together. Even I had a hard time reading this story.

Perhaps, you should see other people's fics. Be it on Deviant Art or this site alone.

YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!YOU ROCK!

Your grammer could have a tune up. Anyways, i'm a bit confused about the how the kabuto look-a-like fits in.

In the begining, Kevin said that Ben was his. Was this decided when they shoke hands in the epi.?

hm interesting. Please ne -

love

-Kokoro.