Nice.

Very palpable descriptions, you can almost share the fear. I hope we get to see them again, even if they've been . . . killed. Maybe I'm a little macabre, but I think it would be interesting to see them in a bad way, something to make Negi's guts churn.

Of course, in the end, I'd rather see everyone survive. I heart Satome.

Wow! That was so... intense.. Powerful.. Downright f#ing scary..

You can really feel the characters' fear going off in waves and hitting you. I mean, I got scared just reading this chapter. I was flipping to a different IE window every other paragraph at the 3rd part w/ the Narutakis, and I've turned on the lights in our kitchen by the middle of the 4th part w/ Nodoka (it was 11:30pm, and I was in our living room). I'm starting to have an idea on what's really happening here...

And since you asked, I got some comments and suggestions. Like make the characters with strong or stable personalities go through some sh#t that test them or really freak them out. Another thing using the suffix -kun on some of the girls (Mana-kun, Satomi-kun, Zazie-kun) bothered me a bit. It just sounded a bit weird to me. And what happened to Kotaro, I was expecting him to be with Ayaka and the others.

Anyway, you got a beautiful story going here, I hope to see more soon.

You continue to display an excellent ability to set people on edge, with perfectly timed flashback full of fear and the little things that make everything seem so perfectly scary, everything from Snik, Hey, and the sound of the Nuckelavee (still the creepiest creature I've ever heard of) create a great feeling of fear. Beyond excellent. I worry slightly, however, that in your constant creation of new sub-storylines with each character (this one seems to have been brought to a decisive close, however) that the overarching plot might suffer. You may have it all planned out, in which case I am happily incorrect, but that is the extent of the advice I can think of.

Keep up the great work,

~Deathfire-san

Oh wow, that was powerful! I love how you build up each character's fear to pitch fever and then either end the threat or have something ghastly happen to them.

I do have something I think you should start on next time, however. For the past eleven chapters you've raised a number of intriguing and exciting questions but you haven't been too big on answers. Don't get me wrong, the Nuckelavee and the ghostly happenings around the school are all excellent and well expressed pieces of writing, but we still don't know how it all relates to the missing students and exactly what has invaded Mahora. You don't have to give us all the answers next chapter, though; I dare say that would spoil the story! But it would be nice if we readers could get some idea of just what the heck is going on around here.

It's a wonderful tale of terror and pain you have here! I look forward to more!

Okay...wow...just wow...

Well, that's not all I have to say but that was all I could say for a bit. I gotta say this is one of the most well written pieces of fiction (not just fanfiction) I've ever read. The way you implement all of these preexisting characters (many of which apply to a single genre themselves) into one horror setting is very skillfully done. For instance: seeing Eva-who I can only describe as the baddest motherfucker in the room-piss herself is something that truly puts fear into my heart.

The story has the right feel and pace for a horror story. It reminds me a bit of Stephen King's writing, specifically "IT"...in more ways than one (that, however, just goes towards my theories of the story). The asylum was...horrible...but the kind of horrible I came here for. I'm sure I speak for every guy when I say this: nut grab equals worst death ever. Oh, and nice use of OC's as well...we got to know them without them interfering with the story.

Anyways, you have a knack for keeping the reader on the edge of your seat, so much so that it kills me to see you update so slowly. Please keep going! I signed up to the site JUST to review this it has impacted me that much.

Whoa, creepy as Hell man. I mean even Evangeline literally pissed herself seeing the...thing. I'm gonna look forward to more chapters!

NICE!

I think I've started to figure this out, and bonus points to you for using obscure occult nasties.

Last chapter of the year, I see. This was a pretty good chapter, though it was shorter than most. For some reason, I felt this chapter seem shorter than it was supposed to be. I guess it was because it had only one scene, and because of all the action. The details on the action part were really good though.

Also, that's quite an interesting take on Zazie. Most authors had given her a European background in their stories.

This puzzle of yours has quite a few pieces that still don't fit together. And now you add some Counter-Strike kinda guy into the mix. Is this gonna be a 40 chapter story? It seems that way with how its building up.

A lot of characters in the next? I'll be looking forward to it.

You have a true knack for the descriptive, really putting the reader behind the eyes of the characters. The sequence of Evageline's past was very well done, and I can still fell my pulse from your Nuckelavee reveal. Creating an instance of weakness for Eva was a nice touch. I'm really curious what you're going to do with the grinning psychopath. I thought the black cords were magical puppet strings of some kind, but wow. I noticed your usage of Wikipedia on the description of the creature, and you could not have picked a better one. Is Zazie significant in some way, or was that just a red herring? Keep up the good work, which is excellently creepy, by the way.

~Deathfire-san

Wicked awesome! Gold star for you, using an obscure creature of Irish folklore. I remember reading stories about the Nuckelavee as a kid; man, scared the shite out of me. I'm so glad you're continuing this story!

Welcome back! Better late than never,I suppose.

Anyway, glad to see you got the main characters back in the story.

I really like the way this chapter was written. The details are awesome. You can really viusalize what's been written. You can (almost)feel what the emotions going around the characters (or for three of them in this chapter at least).

And you've finally revealed the creature. The Nuckelavee. I actually looked it up at wiki, though your description had more details. It's sounds... pretty scary to say the least.

Now that it's finally out, I'm really interested in how you're gonna go on with this story, specially with the way you got Eva to be in this chapter.

Well, I'll be waiting for the next update.

Keep up the good work. :D

This is one hell of a story, like the reviewer before me I was surprised that you used purly OC's in this chapter.

One stupid little question though, was this chapter influenced at all by the demo of F.E.A.R.: Project Origins?

Haha! You really brought it back with a bang, though I think it could have been a bit more brutal.

Its actually pretty good. Well-written as usual. I don't know what you really have in mind, but I kinda understand how you feel.

The use of purely OCs for this chapter was a surprise though, I was sorta expecting you to continue with Negi & the others. Or Zazie (since re-reading ch. 7 got me interested in where she's headed).

Once more, I'll be looking orward for the next update. :D

This is a downright creepy story, an excellent read so far. I'm impressed. I'm currently (Chapter 8) more interested in what's going on with Negi and them, but I bet it'll be good.

~Deathfire-san

Oh holy $#! that was intensely fierce!