Yeah, that's something a lot of authors tend to forget in non-Naru-centric stories. After she reaches the point that she starts to genuinely care about Keitaro, she doesn't really _want_ to hit him or insult him. She just _does_.

There's probably a mental disorder for that.

The best novel I've read in a very long time. Thank you.

Wonderful story. Quite a few dropped words and such, but that's just a matter of proofreading. The things that really count- namely, an engrossing story and a natural feel to the conversation therein- you had in spades. Excellent work, all around. I hope you'll continue to write for a long time to come.

This story was like an emotional roller coaster for me. After I remembered this story, and saw that it was finished, I quickly began to reread it. And since it has been roughly two years since I last read it, I can honestly say that it is a lot better than what I remember it being. It's an incredible story, and I'm feel lucky to have been able to read it. Keep up the good work with the rest of your stories.

Sad but good

it was amazing

Magnificent

you know what, i forgot to commend you on one thing. the fact that you actually finished this. there are so many unfinished works in fanfiction that are just begging to be finished. i happy to see that this story doesn't enter that category. Great story, Hope you update frailty soon.

Awesome fic. I thoroughly enjoyed your style of writing though it felt to me to be more of a situationxconflict fic rather than an actual fic. An actual fic like say your Cloud and Yuffie fic I read earlier would have had some background that this one didnt. Instead you relied on the explosive situations and that worked well for you. I hope you do one where Mutsumi gets to win because it so rare to see that

I am always intrigued by Kei/Kit stories. I’m not entirely sure if I could give you an answer if you were to ask me why, but I suspect it’s because I’m always interested in seeing how their seemingly one-dimensional relationship blossoms into something much more. Your interpretation of this growth is, put simply, engrossing. The story itself wasn’t perfect, but there were definitely more good things present than bad. With that in mind, here are my thoughts:

To start, your writing is very good overall. I think my biggest turn-off is a story that is a chore to read, and yours certainly did not fall into this category by any stretch. There seemed to be a few typos here and there, particularly within the dialogue, but I understand that you can’t hope to catch everything and that asking you to would be nigh unreasonable. I know that it’s nitpicky, but I thought it was worth a mention.

In a slightly more serious issue, did Kitsune and Shinobu make up at the end of the story? It’s implied that they did, but I would have liked it better if it were a little clearer. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed how you had a lot of things happen “off-camera” in the story, but this particular plot point was significant enough, in my eyes, that it needed its own scene.

While I immensely enjoyed all of the character development going on (more on this in a minute), I have to say that I felt Motoko’s progression was a bit rushed. Seeing her resolve to ask Keitaro out right on the spot seemed a little strange, to be completely honest. However, I also see how Kitsune’s date with him was probably the catalyst for a lot of things, so I guess it’s plausible, but it still felt a little fast.

Mutsumi felt really tacked-on. I see what you were going for with that particular scene, but I think it would have been a bit smoother if she’d made even a passing appearance earlier in the story. Haruka I can let slide seeing as she barely even appears in the manga, but I think Mutsumi needed a bit more face time.

Your portrayal of Naru left me slightly on the fence. For the most part, it was very, very good. Better, in fact, than almost everything else I’ve read thus far. I think jealous and possessive are exactly what Naru is, and you nailed this aspect spot-on. I think she came on a little bit strong and over-the-top at some points, but then again, I also have to admit that over the course of the original story, no one really ever seriously threatened her claim on Keitaro. This is a new, unfamiliar situation for her, and I will admit that I could plausibly see her reacting this way. It helped a lot, also, that you delved heavily into Naru’s psyche, something that I enjoyed immensely, as it not only made her actions a little bit more believable but also because it kept me sympathetic to her, which is one of the most important things to me in a character.

Su kind of took a back seat, which was fine with me. She’s one of the more one-dimensional characters of the bunch, so it’s nice that she served her purpose, but at the same time, I didn’t exactly miss her or anything.

I absolutely loved how much you explored each girl’s thoughts and feelings. Shinobu, for instance, who is perhaps my favorite character of all, changed radically over the course of the story. And I bought into every second of it, because you dared to get inside her head and show her mental transformation in a realistic, believable manner that still runs faithful to the original work. Motoko’s development was a pleasure to see as well, though it may have had some pacing problems, as I already mentioned. However, for me it is Mitsune who makes this story into something special.

Without a doubt, my absolute favorite part of your story was watching Mitsune grow and develop both as a character, and in respect to her relationship with Keitaro. I found myself cheering for her the entire way as she grew from the lazy, irresponsible vixen we all know into a confident, caring, beautiful woman. I really must commend you on your masterful job with her development. It is no small feat to take what was a rather flat character in the manga and bring her to life in a manner that is both exhilarating and plausible, but you succeeded with flying colors through a wonderful exploration of her mentality. It made what was a mere romance into a riveting character study, and I loved it.

Needless to say, in terms of concept and execution, your story is a winner. It’s always great to see Kitsune get her turn in the spotlight, and you definitely delivered in an extremely satisfying manner. I just can’t say enough about the depth of characterization in this story, particularly with her… absolutely wonderful.

Excellent work.

I have to say that this was a pretty good Love Hina fanfic, even though some of the chapters did have their occasional typos and spelling errors like when you wrote Mistune instead of Mitsune a few times.

I found it interesting that you had several developments happen off-panel like Haruka appointing Kitsune to be her stand-in at the teahouse before she married Seta and others.

And I can actually see the girls at the Hinata-sou turning against Naru considering how easily Kanako managed to do so canonwise through her deceptions, only that you took a darker twist on that by making Naru the one who actually turned them against her and depicting the dark emotions going through all the active tenants.

Too bad you didn't have time enough to add Mutsumi until the very last chapter.

Personally I think Naru was pretty much depicted as in-character. Mentally unstable, but still human. It's kind of like how I think she'd turn out if Kitsune stopped holding her hand when it came to her and Keitaro's unsteady relationship and took him for herself and if the girls turned more hostile towards her and turning her against them.

The only complaint I have is that the way Motoko seemingly openly started showing affection Keitaro seemed too rushed in my personal opinion, but that could be to different viewpoints concerning the swordswoman.

My last words is that I enjoyed this Keitaro x Kitsune fic which mainly concerned the splintering and mending of friendship due to one of the girls breaking the status quo and upstaging Naru and accepting Keitaro for who he is, and the intrigues and betrayals that follows.

great job on a great story

It was good. But I wanted Naru to "remove" Kitsune as an obstacle and take her rightful place beside Keitaro.

O...You should do an "alternate" ending!

Love your writing.

BIpolar? Um...understatement. :)

Very sweet and I'm glad to see a happy ending! The way you kept going 'evil Naru' had me worried there that she'd snap and kill Kitsune. Glad it never happened. Liked the story and the characterization. Any chance for an epilogue or an omake based on that notion of sharing Keitaro that Su mentioned in an earlier chapter?

Good job regardless. Thanks!