Hmm, well now, this was certainly interesting.

So yeah. I really liked this. What a way to look at the demons and choices a wizard must face when confronted with such a complicated issue like love. After all, it must seem very tempting to have the power to use magic to get whatever your heart desires rather than have to deal with reality. And Snape was a perfect choice for this with his bit of shadiness, his love of Lily, and his inability to be with her because of James.

The theme you used with repeating the same line over and over again was very nicely done too. You managed to pick a rather nice line, and it fit pretty easily in a lot of places which in turn helped to make it effective. Plus, it also helped to convey the constant struggle raging within Snape in a clear and consistent way, even until the very end. And then the fact you were able to turn it around for the overall point or message at the end was just a cherry on top.

So yeah, very, very good job with this. :)

"It's nothing a good Imperius wouldn't solve."

Seeing as I just wiki'd what Imperius meant, I now understand why that one simple phrase grinded Snape during this one-shot. He's in love with Lily, yet Lily loves James - and even when Lily acknowledges him, he flees from her and decides to empty out his stomach...lovely.

Yet, even if he did cast a perfect Imperius curse and had Lily, I bet he would feel a bit of remorse for doing it. However, he, along with the rest of us, won't know, simply because Snape can - and most likely will - never cast an Imperius curse.

Anyway, this was an intriguing drabble that had me hooked from beginning to end! It was sad to see Snape in that position, about loving a girl that you know will never love you the same way. Rabastan started the quote off, and for poor Snape, it stuck with him throughout the whole year into that confrontation with Lily...I felt for Snape, and I give you kudos for making me feel this way!

In terms of SPAG, I spotted no mistakes while reading, so excellent work with that! Again, I truly enjoyed reading this amazingly-written one-shot! :)

The hatred that’s brought in immediately is absolutely fantastic. I love how angry Snape gets when he sees Potter and Lily. The repetition of “nothing a good Imperius wouldn’t solve” is really nice. I like that’s a whisper throughout. I love how the thought is taking hold and he’s somehow fighting it at the same time as welcoming it. I love the mental torture painted here. The way he has to sit near her with that line running through his head. I love how this goes through a few years that he’s been haunted by this. I held my breath when he met her in the corridor. Lovely job on this. It was awesome.

I love Marauder-era fics, especially when they're about Snape. I feel like this piece manages to explain so much about Snape; the kind of person he is, and the kind of person he could have been had he been a weaker person. I think it says so much about his strength of character that even though it would make things so easy for him to just do what he wanted and to take what he wanted, deep-down he finds it so revolting that he just can't. It's easy for the other Death Eaters to use their magic to control and murder people, but it's not for Snape, because he isn't like them.

I love how you detailed his struggle with it. Even though he's not a monster, he's also not a righteous man. The idea appealed to him so much and he fought with it for months, thought about it every night, and almost succumbed to it, but in the end he didn't - and I think that the struggle made his decision not to in the end so much more effective.

Your description was amazing. It's absolutely terrifying to think of a magic curse that can make someone completely helpless to another's will. The part where he's walking the mice to their deaths really gave me some serious chills.

Amazing work.

Wow! This. Was. Amazing. Severus is my absolute favorite HP character, so any story about him is always up my alley. And I love the fact you wrote one about the early years. We only know so much about the past, so I love that you fill in a few holes. And I love the fact that this was about the time when the wedge between Lilly and Severus had begun and that this was also about the time he started turning over to the darker side of things. I love how throughout all this, he wouldn't get the idea of the Imperius curse out of his head, and he nearly did it too. But I am glad that in the end, he couldn't bring himself to do it, and that it would never be the answer to anything. Quite a sad, torturous piece for Snape...but somewhat hopeful as well. Really well done. I absolutely loved this. Well done. :)

Well, your warning was right, this was pretty dark, but I still liked it a lot. Let's break it down, shall we?

Okay. So, first, the premise of this whole one-shot- Snape wants Lily to love him, and, the easy way to get this would be to use the Imperius curse on her. I think that in itself is really scary and questionable ethically and it makes for really great inner turmoil throughout this whole piece. I really like what Snape has to deal with, this tiny voice telling him that all he has to do is cast a spell.

Your description is also exceptional, this made me both giggle and shudder at the same time: [Snape practices the curse that night on mice in the courtyard, becoming thoroughly and intimately familiar with the warm tingle of it in his arm as he orders the mice one by one into the eager clutches of the caretaker's cat. There is a thrill in mastering another creature this completely, in making it do something so entirely contrary to its nature, that greatly satisfies him; with one simple word it walks passively to its death under his command-]

I can imagine how that cat must have eaten. I love cats, and whenever mine manages to catch a mouse, she's always so proud of herself. Anyway, great description.

Overall, it was a really awesome one shot, and I think that you're a really good author! Great job!

To have a little demon whispering evil thoughts over and over again is scary. That, combined with a teenage boy's lust, can equal VERY bad things.

Lily is described as someone pure and innocent, and to Snape she was. Her dialogue states that she cares for Severus, even though she will never know his troubles of having him resist the urge to brainwash her. The last line proves it-yes it could be EASY, but it wouldn't be RIGHT. Those are two different definitions.

The idea of those poor mice being commanded to be eaten and not under their control is frightening, and that the Death eaters can do that easily-brainwash the masses for their evil pleasure. The fact that Snape is willing to try it out shows that he's slowly losing his edge, but Lily changed him. Lily wouldn't want to be brainwashed, but rather friends with Snape or at least know what he was feeling about her. It's also nice that he had that one second to ruminate what he was about to do-sometimes, that second can be the difference between life, death, good and evil.

Wonderful story. Thank you for writing.

Whoa! This fic is dark. I can see Snape thinking this about Lily and wanting to curse her and make her his. you got the emotions the lingering thoughts of what he desperately wants and yet doesn't want to do.
The imagery was beautiful and dark, the emotions were cutting and desperate. And the refrain "it's nothing a good Imperius wouldn't solve." is haunting. I liked the lack of dialogue for most of the story, it certainly added to the haunting quality of the fic.

the only criticism I have is, I wish this could have been longer.

I was really surprised when I began reading this story at how much I could really see as being a part of the Snape that we know (more from the books than in the movies. I am taking this as being book verse, not movie verse, feel free to correct me if I am mistaken). We know he cared deeply for Lily, that Lily ultimately was what led Snape to going to Dumbledore and agreeing to being a double agent and that in his own fashion he did have feelings for Harry that were not always hate filled and antagonistic.
Some lines I wanted to pointed out that I liked:

((It's nothing a good Imperius wouldn't solve.))- I love how you continue this line throughout the whole story. Really makes it clear to the reader that this is a key component, that it is the temptation (in my estimation, I could be mistaken) that Snape fights. I also get the sense as I keep reading through the story that the reason he never uses the curse is not only because of it being unforgivable but also because he realizes it won't really solve anything. In fact, it's almost like Snape rationalizes that using the Imperius Curse will only make things worse than they are, not better. And that is an awesome story tool because it really draws the reader's attention and makes them actually look deeper at what seems like such a simple answer.

((Lily's eyes flicker from surprise to annoyance to suspicion; her fingers brush the pocket where her own wand is stored, as an animal sensing a moment of fight or flight.))-Very powerful image, really showcases that Lily knows something is wrong with Snape, that he is going through something, that he is being tempted to do something and she prepares to defend herself against it. I really saw Lily as her Animus here: the frightened doe who is caught in the hunter's crosshairs and only has one opportunity in which to obtain her freedom.

Some criticism:

((But it's not, and it never will be, nothing a good Imperius wouldn't solve.))- This line just doesn't read well for me. It might be me, but I really think that it needs some smoothing. My suggestion would be: (But it is not, and it never will be, something that a good Imperius can solve.) But that is just me, and I could just be being nitpicky. Again, anything I put in () is just a suggestion and you can take it as you want :) In all, I really enjoyed this story and think that it works beautifully to showcase just how much Snape was keeping buried beneath a seeming mountain of hate and evil. Awesome job!

[whenever he dares to sneak a glance at her from across the Great Hall. He tracks her voice, his ears filtering the breathy sound of her laughter from the chaotic thrum of dinner chatter, his brain amplifying it until she is the only thing he can hear.] Keeping Snape amazingly human here, we've all felt it before, not being able to take our eyes of the person we love, not seeing anything but them. I also really liked the descriptive flow of your writing here, too.

I really enjoyed the darkness of this fic, exploring the fact that everyone thinks horrible things during their life, things they would probably never admit to thinking; murder, manipulation, the temptation of doing what you want regardless of anyone else because that's what you want to do. We human's are very selfish things and we can't help it.

[In the morning he wakes to an uneasy hollowness in his chest and a hard-on that makes him wince] I'm glad to see you've kept things realistic and included the things that some authors would shy away from.

I loved the repetition of [It's nothing a good Imperius wouldn't solve] and then right at the end, when he's confronted with her, alone and face to face, the perfect time to do it, he flees. And it turns out, it's not something a good Imperius wouldn't solve. I really enjoyed Snape's realisation of that and his reaction, running away and vomiting again, it was great!

Just one SPAG thing...
[They laugh serrated Slytherin laughs Snape only half-hears] I think this might sound better with [that] in there, so: [They laugh serrated Slytherin laughs that Snape only half-hears], though I do love the [serrated Slytherin] bit.
And that was all I found!
Great job, this has been a fantastic one-shot to read!

This is an excellent piece of writing! What an interesting idea. The moral dilema that was present was a really interesting discussion of human nature. What I liked most though, was the anticipation and the apprehension that you built through the whole thing. I couldn't wait to get to the end to see if Snape would use the curse or not. I must say, I'm glad he didn't, though it's already poisoned his relationship with Lily, though, I must say, it would be some very interesting reading if he had used the curse.

One of the very clever elements of this piece was the way you repeated: it's nothing a good Imperius wouldn't solve. Rather than just telling us that it was in Snape's head, you used the words many, many times and really showed us how much it was consuming him.

[He tries to will it away, but his seventeen year old body will not be defeated by something as flimsy as will he locks himself in the dorm bathroom and does what he has to,...] I think you need a word, or to make a new sentence after the second use of 'will'.

I really like the idea of writing about the Imperius curse, and this was a very interesting piece of writing.

Cheers.

There's a bit of darkness in all of us...

A very good one-shot. I found your Snape to have a vulnerability and a strength that surprised me. Your way of describing things was very good as well. I like that so much of your interaction is open to reader interpretation as to what's actually going on, which is a product mostly of the point of view you've written in. I'd dearly love to see this one-shot become a multi-chaptered fic. Good job!

Very well written. Good use of repetition ("it's nothing a good Imperious wouldn't solve"), Good job in the beginning with the words of other people echoing in Snapes head re his obsession with Lily. Excellent word choices. Nice job incorporating the senses. Strong sense of emotion in here. Excellent job building up to the scene with them meeting in the hallway. Great ending. I find this very believable. Well done.

I love how realistic this is. There is no denying that Severus had to have had at least one thought about doing this, particularly in the Wizarding World where we have Devil's Snare and spells to make ropes and other such things. The Wizards certainly created enough incentive. I also think it makes a great part of Severus' character, not only when he changes sides in the books, but to drive him to the Dark Lord in the first place. Though that is just me.

If I would mark a thing to work on for future works, it would be to vary the sentence structure and make thicker paragraphs. Not to the point of text walls but 3-5 sentences every now and again to make more emphasis and such.

It was a very enjoyable story particularly because of the disturbing concepts and perilously close disaster. A part of me actually ponders what would have happened if he had actually done it... what would have developed? And I'm not talking rape means love either.