I love how Claire is just kind of a blood dispenser in this story :D I though it would be interesting to see how Gabriel would deal win Sylar's hunger... Though you've graduated from highschool by now and have probably lost your muse for this fanbase. Write On!

I liked this story, even if the characters were very OOC, I still liked it. Although I think Nathan and Molly forgave and forgot a little too easily. It would've been better if they could forgive Gabriel after the final fight not before with no evidence of redemption on Gabe's part. But I do like the friendship between Gabriel, Peter and Claire.

loved it great job :

You need to work on keeping your characters IC. In case you haven't noticed, Peter is the king at moping in the show. He's the last person that would preach tough toenails to anyone.

And the banter? Like Mohinder commenting on Claire's height? It just doesn't happen in the show that much. Heroes is a very active story; every second is devoted to moving the plotline along. And, usually, when there is dialogue that isn't directly related to the moving of the plotline, it's... um... funnier, I guess... I'm not an expert at comedy, but it just sounded stupid.

Also, the relationship that you're aiming for between Peter and Sylar isn't working right. The way you're writing it, it's still coming out slash somehow. Like the way you have them talk to each other? Here's an example:

“Peter...” Gabriel whispered. “I'm so...” he couldn't get the last word out. Tears began to form in his eyes. “I'm...”

Seriously.

I could easily tack on an 'Oh' at the beginning, and it would sound exactly the same:

“Oh Peter...” Gabriel whispered. “I'm so...” he couldn't get the last word out. Tears began to form in his eyes. “I'm...”

*vomits*

If you're telling me that's just between two normal friends, sell it somewhere else. Either they're smitten, or you had the misleading impression that their friendship develeoped enough to the point where they could talk to each other like that without having it sound wrong.

Sorry. My critique is kinda harsh. But I just basically tell people what I see. No editing. :) Hope you like it.

You know, Claire isn't retarded. I mean, yeah, she makes stupid mistakes like a normal teenage girl, but you're making it seem like she should be in Special Ed or something.

Thanks for mentioning me. I've really enjoyed reading this story and I hope you write more soon!

Instresting story so far! Anymore?

i love it soo far when are you updating the story?

i am about half way through your story and it is really good!

Well, it endded on a high note unlike most heroes episodes. I think it needs a sequel, but you already knew that. I liked Molly's attitude at the end, it really seemed like her.

~S.L. Lynn

;D Thumbs up!

wow that was great stuff man! Nice ending to it all!

YES! A HAPPY ENDING FOR ALL! even matt...

a fitting end!

EXCELLENT!