Um... "THE TWO GUARDS STARTED CHASING MUCH AROUND THE CORNER WHERE ALLAN WAS WAITING TO KNOCK THEM OUT" doesn't make sense, seeing as how Allan is now hated in the eyes of the gang...

Other than that, and the all caps, it was a good story.

Keep up the good work!

I loved this story

this story is seriously cute. i love it, like all of your work.

Basically, two things wrong with this story. You have hardly used any commas, which you seriously need to. Secondly, the caps! Ah! I tried to read it properly but the caps distracted me a little. Please, if you ever repost it with proper use of commas and not all caps, then tell me, because I think it'll be really good. I look forward to seeing you develop as a writer.

Betnii.

good story.

i like the "god im good" part. it made me laugh!

I tried to read this, but the ALL CAPS thing made it too difficult- if you ever rewrite it without all caps, please let me know as I might try to read it then.

Go Robin! Go Marian! Go Go!

sorry...but I liked it! Tres Bien!

brill short story

x