Ok, so I'm waaay late to this party... but am I the only one who looked up 'Heir to Mowbray' ?
It led me to the Lestrange family involved.

I almost wish you would rewrite this story, but then this incredible work would be marginalized!

Super interesting premise for a fic!

I’m surprised this doesn’t have more reviews to be honest. I don’t quite know where to begin. It was good. Entertaining, there were some good ideas, the main plot was unique, the writing itself was done well, very few grammar mistakes, and the sentence structure was sound.

The problems I saw came from the plot. You got off to a good start but it quickly went downhill. It was like a lot of one shots mashed together to make a single story. Everything bounces from one subject to the next. Very disjointed. There were so many things that were not explained or just left out yet meaningless drabble was thrown in making the flow awkward.

For instance; It isn’t very clear on the timeline but I’m gathering that this is mostly happening the summer after Harry’s 5th year. He would be just turning 15. Why is he drinking hard liquor like a sailor on leave? The relationship between Harry and the Dursley’s was explained but was in no way realistic for the circumstances. Adding in the strange comedy moments served no purpose besides leaving the reader scratching their heads. Neville’s tap dancing? Hermione’s psychotic episode that was triggered by her contemplation of her father’s sex secret?

All of that should have been left out while pertinent details added in. Fill in more backstory about all of the things Harry told Amelia and how he became so friendly with the goblins. I haven’t checked to see if there’s a sequel to this yet. You didn’t mention anything about one on the last chapter. Yet, the story ends on practically a cliffhanger.

Overall I think you have a great talent. I can tell you care about your work because you post crap with tons of mistakes. I hope you keep writing and find a plot line that flows easier for you. Good luck in all your future endeavors!

Good story

f-f-f-ff-f—f-f-f-ff-ffffff-f-fff-f-f-ff-f-f-f-f-f—ff-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-ff-f-ff.

ähm is that supposed to be a very long fart?

The Gj bit is annoying when one listens to the story.

Great story a shame that you gave up on it

*lesser

You literally said the Potter's were an influential pureblood family and in the next sentence called them 'leader's nobility?

This story started off fairly promising, but man did it go off the rails in the last couple chapters. What's with all the unnecessary changes to the Grangers and Longbottoms. Also, your grasp of the scale of the wizarding population and economy is about an order of magnitude too high. The Duke of Norfolk is like all other peers in the UK, which is to say basically powerless. The queen would appoint someone with experience to be Governor General (more likely Lord Lieutenant, as this is not a colony), not a 16 year old boy. One last detail, a Dreamliner BBJ would be closer to £300 million, not £25 million.

Your Majesty:

Tiny thing, but - would you really call that summary K-rated?

Sincerely,
Bar Sira

Oh, dear. I have NO idea what this story was about, or what the author intended to say other than to create a super rich, all powerful Harry with no friends at all. Just couldn't follow the dense prose past all the grammar errors to try and figure it out. If it had been a single chapter longer, I'd have given up. Obviously the author has talent, and the idea was interesting. But this if a case where the author's reach exceeded his grasp, I fear.

fun I like it.

Heh, the numbers you chose for the troops are (is?) pi! 314191... 3.14191