Keep writing!

This is a great story so far! I really love your writing style, and your grammar and stuff is very clean. Looking forward to the next chapters!

Me likey. Please update! Really great chapter and i like he new writing style :D You plan on updating again?

Don't do the whole "this many reviews thing"! You can't just leave it dangling like that! Don't redo the chapters there! Do a new chapter! That would be nice ;) It's a really good story and there needs to be more like it. Update. Do it.

I'm listening, and I don't mind it if you rewrite the story. I'm still reading!

i will totally read more of this. it was such a good idea in the first place & no one else thought of the other max. since the begining i have felt bad 4 her and im glad oher people care about her too u have been doing a great job keep on going!

i think that makes me 56 but idk bye!

I'll still be behind you 100%! So do whatever you feel is neccary, I want to know the end of the story-plus you are a wonderful writer!

I really like this story, though if you do change it, I hope you don't change it too much, I like the plotline the way it is. :D

it's cool how this is Max2-centric, she tends to get a bit forgotten. *sniff*

But yeah, if you're not happy with it then change it, it's totally up to you, it is your story after all.

I like how it's one-sided Mari, i think Ari's misunderstood. [:

Not many grammar/spelling mistakes, I'm not gonna say there were none, because i dunno if there were or not, but I can't remember any, which is good, because it just isn't as enjoyable to read if ther're spelling/grammar mistakes. Though i recognise how easy it is to make mistakes when you're typing, my typing's a mess, and I hate it. But yeah, I didn't really get how she woke up and could like speak and everything. I don't know, like, anything aobut cloning, but it stands to reason that they wouldn't just...like wake upknow lots, or whatever. Right?

It was a bit sudden how Ari loved her, like, it just showed up a bit out of the blue, you know? He didn't indicate it at all, and I'm not saying he should be staring at her, being overly nice all the time or whatever, because he IS Ari after all, and the Ari we know [and love?] tends to try hiding his feelings. It might help if, in future, or if you are considering rewriting[and including Mair] that he should think about Max, question what he feels for her. As in the whole 'wait a minute, this is Max I'm thinking about...I don't like her like that...do I?' etc, etc...i just think it would help readers understand Ari's thoughts and feelings, and also his thought process and stuff, and his perception of things [thoughts/feelings/occurences/whatever]. That goes for max2 too, [haha, max two too, i found that funny.:D] maybe if you added in some thoughts for her as well, I mean, I'm not saying you didn't have her thinking about anything, you did, and it's great, just maybe a bit more thoughtsfeelings type stuff here and there couldn't hurt.

I really like the story and I think you're a good writer, some little improvements, this fic could be awesome.

Ah Max II fic! Thank you! I love Max II, and people hardly write about her. Please comeback and update!

aw, sad...I want to read more, now though...

GREAT JOB! love the story.

GA.

You just had to stop there, didn't you?

*glares*

Anywho, I really liked it.

Very good.

Keep writing.

omg. this is so good. dont stop

write on

-rose

I'm just checking; are you going to be writing in present tense from now on? A heads up would be nice to have. :)

~)Mer(~

Excellent, we're beginning to learn about Max 2's past. There obviously aren't many choices available, because in order for her DNA to be identical to Max's, she had to have been created(and presumably controlled) by Itex from the beginning of her existence. But I hope you find a way to surmount this difficulty and keep spinning your excellent tale.

Just so you know, the new updates have caused a glitch in the site. Every first sentence in a chapter is being repeated at the top; you're going to have to edit the document and resubmit the chapters in order to fix this.

I'm a bit curious about Max 2's reaction to her Voice. Does she refrain from freaking out because she doesn't know that voices in your head aren't good? It would be rather amusing for her to ask Ari if he had a Voice, find out that he does, and therefore believe that everyone has a Voice. First impressions aren't always correct, after all, and Max's shouldn't be any different. It would make a funny subplot.

Ooh, I like the Mari you're putting in, though you're not backing this up with any prior details embedded in your fic. (The most personal reaction I remember Ari having to Max 2 involves hatred, not love.) If you could drop a few hints in earlier, that'd be great. Right now it seems like you randomly thought of Mari over the weekend and threw it in, not like it's been headed that way all along. Even if you did randomly think of it, please don't just drop it on your poor readers. (I bet some of them are thinking, "Max 2 and Ari, where the heck did that come from?") Buildup is good for plot. And since you need to expand on your story anyway (especially during those three lost weeks; I want to know what happened there, especially why Ari got permission to stay in Max 2's room), drawing out the confusion and memory loss Max feels and Ari's mixed feelings for Max wouldn't be a bad idea.

Woah, random tense shift in this chapter. Present tense to past tense to present tense again not good. Fix it, please? *bambi eyes*

Not much plot development, aside from the Mari, so not much for me to comment on there. Again, great grammar/spelling, and if you need a beta for this fic, I'd be glad to volunteer. You have piqued my interest.

~)Mer(~

Disregarding the timeline issues, your story does seem to be going well. The chapters /are/ annoyingly short, however; by the eighth chapter, I'd expect to be way past her first escape attempt and well into training, not /just ending/ her conversation with Ari. Try to combine chapters next time you update; honestly, if you have time to write one of your itty bitty chapters and post it, you have time to add in more scenes. Or delay your updates until you have more to your chapter, whichever works for you.

Your characterization sounds okay, though I was a bit confused by Ari's declaration that since neither he nor Max will ever be loved, he must not love Max 1. That doesn't make sense; Ari can love someone even though he's not loved. There's not a law against it. If you wanted, you could have Max 2 recognize this and call him on it; it would help the reader realize that Max 2 is smart.

Max's wings are a different color than your description of Max 2's, by the way; Max 1's wings are described by another reviewer. It would be very easy to edit your sentence about Max 2's wing color, so I'm kind of disappointed that you haven't done so already, especially since the discrepancy has already been pointed out.

Getting past all this, here's the real reason I clicked on the review button: Max 2's use of colloquial terms. She should have no idea what a football field is, so using that as a method of measurement isn't at all likely. And Max 2's description of Anne also needs to be edited, because she wouldn't know what a news reporter is either.

Your grammar's gone down a bit, so make sure to double check for errors or find a beta. A spellcheck would also catch a few of your mistakes; there are free spellchecks on the internet if you don't have one yourself.

What exactly happened when the Erasers attacked Max 2 in this chapter? All you talk about is how Max 2 got shocked and how the Erasers were growling. Right now I have a mental picture of growling Erasers surrounding Max 2 and pushing her against a wall, but nothing else. These are /Erasers/, after all; they should be filled with bloodlust if they mean to hurt her. And right now I'm seeing no sign of that.

The sentence about nightmares is kind of wacky; she's still awake, but already having nightmares? Wouldn't those be /daymares/?

The Voice sounds perfect; it chips in exactly when it should and offers seemingly useless encouragement. I also like Max 2's response. "Yeah, right," sounds a lot like something Max would say herself.

Sheesh, it's been a while since I gave a lengthy concrit. (Usually I don't waste my time because the fic is unfixably bad.) I would honestly call this one of the better fics being updated right now, and I don't spend all this time picking out problems if the fic isn't worth it, trust me! Keep it up.

~)Mer(~