Great Story!

Yes! A good Sarah fic! ~hugs~ Sarah deserves a nice fic; why does everyone hate her so much? She's not my fave, but she deserves something. It's nice to know someone else who doesn't hate her. Magnificent job! Spectacular! :D A definite favorite.

Keep it up!

AdrenalineRush16

Dew Stream,

I enjoyed the premise of this story, especially since many people paint Sarah out to be a "bad guy". However, I think you can do a lot better on it with just a little bit of work. There are two primary things I noticed in here which can be improved on.

The first is, "Show, don't tell." You Told us a story. Now show it to us.

The second is to cut out the movie dialogue. We already know how the movie goes. But what about all that stuff that Jack and Sarah talked about after the camera turned off? Those are the tidbits we're interested in, and now that you have Sarah's character fleshed out (so to speak), dialogue is the number one way to show the character instead of telling about them.

Maiafay has great tutorials on writing fanfiction posted on her forum here on . Considering the items I mentioned above, check out her article, "POINTERS: Top Ten Writing Mistakes", and "POINTERS: Pet Peeves of Fanfic".

/forum/Writers_Haven_Tutorials_for_Writing_Improvement/40605/

Like I said before, I really enjoyed this story. However, I think with a little work you can take it up to the next level and make it, "Wowwie," instead of, "That's nice."

If you need some help with a beta, feel free to PM me!

~Silence of Fire

Dewy, it was so good! I'm glad u made me watch Newsies... now i understand your fanfics! it was great as usual!

-Blondie )

much as i hate sarah. props are given. i love you. i love you, you are a master

I liked this. It did kind of make me think about Sarah differently. Great Job. Keep Writin'! :D

Hurrah! a non-sarah bashing story! yay! great job.