Ok...I could not read this after chapter 3. The Grammer is so bad and the set up makes it extremely hard to read. The summary is what caught my attention but holy crap, I wasn't expecting this. Please go back and redo the whole thing and stop using text talk, it does not make writing easier but only makes the story annoying. Good luck to you.

Your grammer is horrible
At first when I read the title I thought that it sounded interesting but as I start reading it
your story was boring and horrible
I was annoyed with your grammer

How the hell did you keep spelling Sasuke wrong? And your grammar... and you keep put u... whyyyyyy. I thought, "hey this seems like a good story." No it wasnt. I give it a 2... this just to short and stupid. It may sound harsh but I am a blunt person so don't be offended.

You know when I saw the summary and tittle, I thought: "Hey this might be pretty good" but when I actually got to reading it (your story)... It was disappointing. It was boring for me. The characters were too OC (if you were planning for the characters to be OC maybe you should've put a warning) I felt like the story didn't have a actual plot. If you have a BETA you could ask for help (e.g. grammar and other stuff.) You should improve your writing then rewrite this story then it might turn out good. I'm not being mean, I'm just trying to help out by pointing stuff that you need to fix/work on

Your story is pretty bad, its totally random, your story is boring nothing, interesting happened and your grammar/writing is pretty bad, and the characters are OC here

I personally thought the plot itself was interesting. When I came across the summary, I thought to myself 'hey, this story might be really good, I should give it a shot.' And, I'm rather selective about what I read and write- so, here are a few quick points that made your literary piece unenjoyable for me.

-Grammar. As multiple people have said before, your grammar needs some serious improvement. I wasn't a fan of you mixing up plurals and singulars; also, one of the things that bothered me was your use of "me and..." or "... and me" instead of "... and I."

-Punctuation, Capitalization, and Spelling. This is a reading 'turn off' for almost everyone. Please, if you take a little time out of your day to revise your work, I might actually fall in love with your works.

-Text Talk. It's not something that can be overlooked. You used 'u' constantly throughout what I read and that was something I couldn't leave unnoticed.

-OOC Characters. Some of the characters were a bit too Mary Sue for my liking. But, overall I thought you portrayed them fine.

Don't get my wrong- I did like your story. It was intriguing and I've read most of it once before. I just feel as if you have a lot of room for improvement. With a little improvement there's a 100% chance you'll succeed? :)

why is it "u"? its spelled Y.O.U I hate text talk

Do you speak English? CHECK YOUR GRAMMAR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

damn cute story! i read it ll at once! it was good! lots of kids at the end :)

Seriously, can you PLEASE check your grammer! Its killing me!

I suggest you get a better sense of grammar and spelling or get a grammar corrector... btw I'm a 12 years old fixing you...

Heck yea! add a sequel!

E]

i will love a sequel

D,e,g