I absolutely loved this. In fact I loved it so much that I went and signed up to this site just to post a review! (I'm usually just a lurker lol)

It was so vivid, so tense.

My only complaint that it ends!

Please write more!

-Kaprica

I can not remember if I commented on this the first time I read it... so I am sorry if this is redundant!

This really works for me in many ways but especially where she is telling Lee & Leoben that she loves them. I too used that in one of my fics as well- that she saw Lee when she killed Leoben to save Kacey. The way you wrote it, though, it makes that creepy having to kiss Leoben part more believable. The words were for Lee.

Thanks for the fic! It is sure helping me get through the hiatus from hell!

A very interesting, original story. I have to admit I didn't quite understand the first scene - when and where is it supposed to take place? Raw dialogue isn't easy to write and even if it seems completely clear to you, you have to remember a reader without your knowledge might get confused if you don't mention the timeline and location at some point in the conversation.

On the other hand, the following scene was really, really strong. The icy cold, almost unreal atmosphere, the unhinged quality in Starbuck - I haven't read anything so good in a long time.

The third scene was equally well done, with Lee's emotions portrayed in a very believable way, complex but not over-constructed.

Fourth scene - nice twist there, making her confuse Leoben and Lee. Really brings out her mental agony well.

The next part was necessary to bring Kacey into the story, but otherwise kind of lacked the whole emotional depth of the scene before. I kept wondering why Lee didn't at least mention the fact that Kacey is too old to be a result of Caprica. In the rest of the story, you portrayed him as a "real" character, not merely the manifestation of Kara's thoughts. So I don't see why he wouldn't point out the inconsistency in Leoben's claim.

Next scene - good idea to change to present tense, it emphasizes the change from Kara being half asleep and confused to panicking effetively.

The end was near perfect. So very dark and twisted, but sweet at the same time.

Sorry, I tend to go overboard in my reviews, but I hope it was helpful. At any rate, let me say again I'm impressed with your writing skills and would love to read more of your work. I take it you're not planning to continue this particular fic - shame, can't I convince you otherwise?

Yours sincerely,

Civil Orange