THANK YOU,

POWERFUL WOWWW...SUCH PASSION... BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN

BEAUTIFUL CHAPTER, HARD TO READ BUT READ I MUST, THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS WONDERFUL POWERFUL STORY,

i understand how griss would feel, about his hair my late husband did he was very good llooking and when he became ill very ill his self asteam , he felt he was not A MAN ,,because he became so week, he needed help he felt he should be taking care of me,,which he always had. I told him its my turn to take care of you. This story is wonderful helpful to alot of people and I HOPE IT HELPT U IN WRITING IT. THANK YOU

A POWERFULL CHAPTER, VERY TENSE, DIFFICULT FOR GRISS TO TELL HIS CHILDREN,,,

I KNOW HOW DIFFICULT THIS STORY MUST HAVE BEEN TO WRITE..ITS A VERY POWERFULL STORY,,,,,,AND SO WELL WRITTEN, I HOPE ITS HELPT YOU THROUGH,,,,,,BUT I ALSO KNOW THAY MIRACLES DO HAPPEN AND SO I HOPE THAT IN THIS STORY GRISSOM RECOVERS,,,,BUT I KNOW ALSO IN REAL LIFE THINGS DONT ALWAYS TURN OUR THE WAY WE WOULD LIKE. BUT A WONDERFUL STORY ..THANK YOU FOR WRITING IT. I LOVE YOUR GSR STORIES... IM SO GLAD IVE FOUND YOU,

AGAIN A BRILLIANT STORY,,,SO WELL WRITTEN SO VISUAL ALTHOUGH I DONT LIKE THE THOUGHT OF GRISS BEING ILL, I KNOW ITS ALWAYS SARA,,,BUT I REALLY DONT LIKE THE IDEAR FOR GRISS, BUT IT MAKES FOR A GREAT STORY

Just a small disclaimer that I'm fandom blind.

With that said, I quite enjoyed this. I really loved how different the twins are and how lively Audriana is. Not that Alex isn't lively, but it's apparent he's had it difficult since he was born, and for a child that is ill all the time, it's hard to see him being playful.

I feel for Gil and Sara very much, having an ill child, but they seem to realize they must function in their daily lives, employing their niece as a nanny. When she called Gil, I had a feeling something was up, but it's rather strange how it all happened. Of course, I really don't know much about deafness, and I suppose it does just sort of happen like that. It's both cute and rather heartbreaking that the boy didn't know what was happening and he thought it was all a game.

I really feel for Sara as well when she found out her child needed surgery. That is a very frightening thing. Not only that, for a child who already faces challenges, finding out things will be increasingly more difficult is very hard for a parent to take in...especially knowing they can't really reverse it. A parent wants to take their child's pain away, and this...this is something that cannot be changed, so it was a very sad ending. I'm looking forward to how the family will cope with all this.

There were some SPAG errors, mainly your dialogue, which you write incorrectly. You'll see the corrections below. Also, in your opening scene, in your paragraphs speaking about the pregnancy and such, those verbs should be in past perfect form. Example: Sarah's pregnancy had had been a shock for them...etc.

Overall, though, I really enjoyed this, and I'd be interested to see where this goes. Well done. :)

SPAG:

"Hey, Sweety." Gil greeted,-"Hey, sweety," Gil greeted,

"Hey." Gil greeted,-"Hey," Gil greeted,

feels icky." Alex mumbled-feels icky," Alex mumbled

morning." Sara told him—morning," Sara told him

over me." She responded-over me,” she responded

"Well," He told him as he handed Mr. Biggles back. "Keep- "Well," he told him as he handed Mr. Biggles back, "keep

"Grissom." He said-"Grissom," he said

with Alex." Lindsey said-with Alex," Lindsey said

"What is it?" He asked-"What is it?" he asked

infection." She told him.-infection," she told him.

Tylenol?" He asked,-Tylenol?" he asked,

call him." She replied.-call him," she replied.

"Lindsey," He interrupted. "If-"Lindsey," he interrupted, "if

"Yeah..." She said.-"Yeah..." she said.

drew Daddy!" He told him—drew, Daddy!" he told him

"That's daddy." Alex said,-"That's Daddy," Alex said,

"What is this?" He asked-"What is this?" he asked

"I swear, Uncle Gil." She said- "I swear, Uncle Gil," she said

playing, right Alex?"- playing, right, Alex?"

"Hey Alex..."-"Hey, Alex..."

clouds." Alex said—clouds," Alex said

Alex?" He said loudly.-Alex?" he said loudly.

to hand over he little boy,-to hand over her little boy,

These last few chapters have been ongoing, beautiful glimpses into love. Of a husband and wife. Brother and sister. Parent and child. Friends and coworkers (if that last one doesn't sound too weird). I really appreciated hearing about how cancer stopped them from leaving the darkness that is life in Vegas - it was a nice "bigger picture" moment in what naturally has become a very focused narrative.

On another note, I'm truly sorry to hear of the hardship you've faced IRL. No doubt your experiences have colored this entire story, and it's an interesting thought that, through this medium, I understand a little of your pain and grief. You've made me care for these characters as if they are real, as if I know them, as if I'm fighting this along with them. It's a rare talent, to make me forget I'm reading.

It's a beautiful story. I hope someday that you can finish it. :3

Anne

All right, so, my concern last chapter was expressed in this one . . . and I really don't know if it's a personal dislike or if it's truly a critique on the story itself, but . . . I'm mostly just creeped out by how Nick sees and feels about Sara. Right in front of her dying husband. I am usually more romantic than that (he's a good guy, a good friend, and he loves her!) but it feels forced here, like a layer of conflict that "has" to be here because of some rule of fiction, rather than something that enhances my enjoyment of the story.

Of course, really, that's a single person's opinion. :3 I'm not demanding that anything be changed or saying that this story is bad because of it, okay? I just want it thought about. It's not like I've gotten to the end yet, anyway. :3

Anne

By the way, this is still astoundingly good. Almost poetic, really. And I'm on pins and needles, hoping hoping hoping that there will be a happy ending, because I love these people so much!

At this point, I'm cursing my blindness a bit. I wonder if Nick loving Sara but Sara belonging to Gil is canon, or if that's your own personal touch - because it hasn't added anything to this story except for a rather nasty speculation if Gil's sickness is his light of hope. Not that he's thinking it, but that I am. It's actually quite distracting and I don't like it much. What I want is to be here, for the Grissom family's pain, not thinking about lost chances and trite new twists. Food for thought.

Putting that aside . . . this continues to be an emotionally moving peek into what depths people can plunge into because of illness, love, and youth. It's brilliantly written.

Anne

I'm so impressed by the presence Audrey and Alex have in this story. They shake things up. Move them. Move ME. This is kind of a pointless review, but I just wanted to applaud Sara's amazing strength. She doesn't think she has it, but it's there every time she doesn't break down in front of the kids, or blurt out where their daddy really is. Whatever you were going for with her, that's what I see. Kudos.

Anne

Yeah, I don't have much to offer on this one. You're weaving a pretty complex story between these characters that's flawless to me. It's sad, and terrible, and scary, and . . . I don't blame a single one of them for the way they've acted or reacted. Sara at the hospital. Rosa and Sara. The children and Sara. Poor Nick. The last line is gold. (By the way, I'm happy for the reminder of Alex's problem here.)

Anne

What an agonizing chapter! Did my heart just break? Almost. You're really good at cliffhangers. :3 OF COURSE I'll be reading the next chapter, thank you!

In my experience, it's super hard to get emotions to come across correctly in writing (humor is the worst, followed closely by *good" sex, but any emotion is a matter of subjectivity). However, the feels in this chapter - oh! the feels! I noticed every single missing period, and wondered if that was done on purpose, but also couldn't help but feel like each one ADDED to the frenzy; the fear; the pain of loss; of bad news; of confusion.

That ending bit. That was just genius. And scary. It put me in the head of a very sick man, sick in the way I've never been, and I believed it. *takes shaky breath*

So, with all of that good stuff - yes, this is GOOD! there was just one thing that stuck out to me. We were introduced to Alex and his illness at the start of the story, so no matter how big Gil's illness is, Alex's concerns are foremost in my mind. I think I would have liked a little reminder that this little boy is losing his hearing during the bedtime story. Nothing big, one phrase, one sentence about how the reading goes when one kid can hear and the other can't, would appease me nicely. :3 Just a suggestion!

Anne

Oh, gosh, the foreboding . . . it's heavy! I'm not even sure what it is that has me worried most: Alex not getting his surgery like Gil wants, Sara facing the threat of a deaf child, or Nick.

Actually, speaking of Nick, I was a little thrown off balance by having him tossed in there as an unrequited love (probably because I have never seen CSI). I don't think it's bad or wrong or anything, it just kinda felt like it came out of the blue. Just a thought I had. *shrug*

The part about Sara crying over puking on Nick's shoes made me laugh. She's so cute! I mean, that's horrible, but it was cute how she was obsessing over it. I can see why Gil loves her so much. I don't doubt their bond, y'know? It's refreshing. Even though they had that nasty fight over the surgery . . .

But, seriously. Gil coughing up blood. BLOOD. What's that about? *panic mode*

Anne