aaaaaaaa i loved this it was really well written
im super curious who took the artifact though _
also i really enjoy how much koizumi rambles haha (tbh i do the same thing)

well, who did take the artifact?

Given the length of the story you did pretty good. It kept my interest consistently, spelling wasn't that bad.

As for Haruhi being OOC... well, that was effectively the entire point of the story. And, even then her OOC-ness was actually in-character, so again you did pretty good.

Thank you for an interesting story. And yes, there is a second part to this - Haruhi has to finish clearing her name for the theft of the artifact? Maybe Mikeru can help Kyon with a little bit of time travel?

that was awesome

but in the real world kyon would have jumped at the chance to be with the anti haruhi club

but thats just my opinion. my personality is somewhat similar to kyon. but i would end up strangling haruhi if i had to go through everything kyon does in the anime and fanfiction. (if you think about it the anime haruhi is less anti social than ff haruhi

but then again thats my opinion

The prose for this was rather purple - at least, by the standards of the fic I normally read - but it was faily good for that type of prose.

If you'll write a second chapter, I'll look forward to it.

It was really magnificent! Kyon even got to shine like a common shonen protagonist in your story.

That was one heck of a roller-coaster ride! Sorry I don't really have anything to say that others haven't already covered, but everyone seemed in-character enough for story purposes.

And, go figure, I *like* those extended info-dumps.

Pretty good.

God DAMN, Koizumi likes the sound of his own voice.

Good story, faithful to the characters, notably including the way Kyon narrates. I would however ask that when someone new starts speaking, it should be shown earlier than the end of the paragraph - like when Kunikida piped up, this could have looked something like so instead:

"Well, it is reputed to be very boring," Kunikida suddenly piped up, "As most exhibitions are just detailed history of our school and all our past glories and achievements and stuff like that. [...etc]"

Well...

this has been a great (at least for me) Haruhi fic.

It does have very much feeling like the light novels do, except for the font detail and the lack of manga-compatible pictures.

Um...

it'd be quite good if you wrote a chapter 2 or something like that, yes, Asahina didn't get much "screen time".

though, Tsuruya, even whereas she did get more screen time didn't get enough either, and Tanaka-san, she could bne in it, after all, even though "partially" the incident would be because of her, the solution so would be, had she not "rescued" Kyon and taken him to the hospital Kyon wouldn't be very well, and I'm asumming the about Haruhi rumors would stop.

though, what happened actually with the stolen artifact?

actually, wouldn't Haruhi try to investigate later on that point?

then, there's my usual missing of Asakura-san in many (if not most) Haruhi fanfics, though, this is more personal and unrelated.

/I am sure many would disagree with me, but I still think that if Ryoko Asakura were given another chance, Kyon maybe, if he gets past his fears, that is, would get a chance to have a more proper relationship, even if, even to me, Asakura-san has "the Yandere effect". as I find that nice in itself.

Well, you get my best wishes, and if you would, please write a chapter 2 for this!

A fantastic piece which is well written and coherent, and not full of KyonXWhoever fluff! It fits in well with the novels themselves, and actually seems very genuine.

If i had any criticisms, they would be that it is way too long to be called a one-shot! You probably could have split it into at least 3 chapters (Kyon getting threatened, Kyon's fight, Waking up in the hospital, Getting kicked out of the brigade, Haruhi Apology etc etc.)

Also, There is a very large amount of text between the resolution of the overall problem, and the end of the story. Though it does seem necessary. I do wonder if you ever go ahead with another chapter, what it would be based on and the such.

I think you should also work on some more Haruhi Fic's, personally. You seem to write well about the story in a fictional sense, and i would be interested to see more from you! _

Thank You for Sharing! :D

That..was a lot longer than I'da thunk.

So, criticism you say? *Cracks knuckles*

Good points:

-Kyon's narration is spot on. It's just like the original novels' style!

-Yuki's science was solid and left me impressed.

-You made Haruhi's apology believable. What.

-References to Lucky Star give you extra points, just because.

-Nyoron!

Could be improved:

-The members of the Anti-Haruhi movement had ridiculous motivations. Especially since the one guy wanted to beat up the entire SOS brigade because he got dumped. It seemed like a sad excuse, even for a "crazy" character, and it made Kyon's heroic resolve moment a bit narmy.

-Koizumi's explanation was pretty long-winded, and took up a good chunk of the fic as well.

-A few spelling and tense mistakes in the middle.

To sum it all up:

This was really, really good. My main complaint is your OC characterization, which made the plot seem forced at some points.

And despite the fact that it took a good 6? hours to read, it didn't feel like a waste of time. You know, that's gotta mean something.

Heh, chocolate cornets.

Hmm. This was an interesting story, generally very well written, with good formatting. In a few places, it gets a bit wall-of-text-ey, but the story feels very close to canon for me.

Maybe it's a personal bias, but while I feel Haruhi's apology was in character, I also feel like she completely dismissed the end result (an affirmation of Kyon's loyalty) way too quickly once it was settled. I mean, not to launch into demands of HaruKyon-shipping or anything like that, but she comes across as totally tsundere instead of genki. Actually, considering that Haruhi never does anything to actually hurt Kyon (excepting the desk incident, before the bulk of her character growth)...

Kyon trying to talk his way through the fight was the high point of the story for me, very well written. I wish I could say more, but it's pretty solid as it is. The only real problem I had with your Kyon is the lack of reaction to Itsuki freely discussing Kyon's emotional state in front of Mikuru and Yuki.

Pacing-wise, this story has one major flaw (ignore the no-bruises/etc. aspect, Tsuruya's family hospital obviously just used some QwikHeal (tm)) and that's that the climax (Haruhi's apology) is very near the middle of the fic. How you handle it (if you handle it) is entirely up to you, but I would actually suggest cutting the story into three sections and reworking the extended denouement (OMG, KOIZUMI'S STILL TALKING, GRARG ... sound and fury, signifying nothing ... HE'S STILL GOING! WHY! *cries*) to actually be placed before the apology might serve for a better delivery.

Mechanically, obviously, you would want to remove the references in the denouement culminating in the apology until the end of the fic, but it would let it end on a high point; unfortunately, the extent of the denouement leaves your story wandering somewhat aimlessly in the final stretch (even if it does answer the questions, it just takes too long...).

Anyway. All of that aside, I really enjoyed the story; I'm a huge fan. I adore stories that cover territory I never considered. I think you are a very good writer, and if you wanted to, you could become a great writer. Keep fightin' the good fight.

This is an excellent story. Most issues I had have already been addressed by other reviewers, and ultimately, none were so bad that they really took away from the story in a meaningful way (for example, the lack of bruises or black eyes on Kyon after the fight). At first the fight seemed to go too far for me (anyone who gets punched in the head as many times as Kyon did would be dead), but then I remembered that we can't always trust the story Kyon gives us, so in the end I think taking the description of the fight overboard would be perfectly in character for the Kyon we've come to know and love.

Minor flaws aside, the story is very well-written and contains just enough mystery to keep the reader scrolling through its impressive length. Well done.

This. This fanfic is amazing. I haven't even finished reading all the novels, yet I am still astounded at how well you conveyed the regular style of writing. It's just ... I can't even put into words how great this story is. I'm so glad TV Tropes put this up in their fanfic recommendations - Excellent job!