I really want this story to succeed. My primary suggestion is that you find an editor! A good editor will help in all aspects from simple spelling to plot structure.

Good luck.

I must say, this has been a thrilling ride. Love to see some more.

hah nice chapter. Like the idea of an elite playing football

awesome but, i'm confused. Was it in hitler's time? But with covenat there? i'm just confused

This story is really well writen, I look forward reading the next chapter.

KILL KILL KILL! Update soon and thanks for mentioning my fic. could you put the 5089 at the end of my name thouhg? thanks.

Better. Except for the utterly blatant plagiarism from Stephen Ambrose's 'Band of Brothers.' Not so good. ;-)

So far so good. Keep it up!

Plaease UPDATE soon! This story is great!

Hmm. Your writing is pretty solid, good on the ethos of combat and easy on the eyes. There are a few technical issues, but I'll get to that in a minute.

First: do some research on Elites - 'Sangheili' - and get some insight as to their culture. Wikipedia is great. You're going to need it to make this Elite of yours a sympathetic, or even an interesting character. There are a few canon missteps - (i.e. 'Stride' not having a name because it's a 'burden) - but so far there's nothing that's irretrievable.

Second: do some research on the Covenant as a whole and its culture, particularly the Covenant Civil War. A note of some importance: the Prophets - 'San 'Shyuum' - were the instigators of the attempted slaughter of the Elites at the end of Halo 2. The Elites would never ally themselves with them as you seem to imply in some of your shifting perspectives on the Covenant.

Another note on that - if you've played Halo 3, you'll know that the Covenant has been entirely disbanded. All that remain are what little remnants of the Brutes, et. al., that are running around. The Elites have gone back to being their own separate entity.

Now, as for the story itself.

First: the only character that really seems to come to life is Steven. He's well-imagined and well-portrayed, but everyone else seems too broadly-drawn. Give them some (believable) personalities, some quirks - something that will make it easier for us to keep track of who's who.

Second: work on your intercultural interaction - Elite-human, American-Italian. For example, humans are going to jack around with each other in the situation you describe between the Italian and Steven. They'll refer to each other with racial slurs - "Yank," "Itty," - in a jesting manner. They're not going to exclusively call one another 'Italian' and 'American.'

By the same token, Elites and Humans are going to be new to this whole 'peaceful interaction' thing. Even the most belligerent Elite is going to remember that he's not on his own planet, surrounded by millions of people who might kill him if provoked. Now, that's not to say he might not be snarky and subtly insulting, but he's not going to be running around in his combat armor and carrying weapons. Besides, concealed carry is illegal in NYC. ;-)

Third: Give us some background. OK, so the war's over. Why are humans and elites integrating? Is it for economic reasons? Political? It sure as hell isn't because they like each other. What sort of program is it that is causing an Elite to live wth an ex-Marine? Is it some kind of foreign exchange student program?

Just try to kind of flesh out the story - in general. Give us ome detail. For example, the names of these generals and lieutenants and sergeants that seem to pop in, say some random things, and disappear until their next little segment. That will help immensely with the immersion factor of this story.

And now for the technical.

update soon

Good so far, however the year should be 2558, instead of 2258, also when you say that they only get $50 a month, are you taking price gauging into account? Because that seems like alot of money.

Uh. I'm not sure this is a beginning here. I think you better get cracking on the real story.

Looks like it could be good, but when will there be an actual chapter? Please continue.