Aw. Cute Tidus. I love it!

MORE MORE MORE

touch up your ending just a bit, make it a bit more conclusive like make him turn his back trustingly or have some action invloving the blitzball. In this case, it wouldn't be bad to use one of those corny endings if you could incorperat it. May I suggest you try something along the lines of "well c'mon then" or "hurry up, I'm hungry."

I really like your pacing here. You had a really good balance of dialogue to descriptions. The transitions are really smooth. You really did a good job here. (please try to make your summaries a bit more appealing to someone with the attention span of a goldfish)

Aw so cute! _ Will there be more?

Love Jack. _