great plot, you have great writing skills/insight/great vocabulary and everything. Thank you for sharing this with us. :-)

almost every situation is taken just a bit too far before you move on. You have heard of beating a dead horse? You don't beat it but you whip it a few more times then needed.

clear and concise would be better then all this rambling on and on

I find it strange that in the seconds Edward is gone bella leaves her house to follow him and gets mugged.

Too convienant for the save ya know?

Unselfconfidant? what a strange thing to say LOL. How about unsure? or self conscious? unselfconfident...HAHA

A lot of mistakes in this chapter too.

Theres a lot of mistakes in this. Like Edward taking out the "correctly" amount of money from his wallet to pay for the black rose.

He had exact change huh? I never met a guy that keeps change in his wallet. weird.

Neat story! Thanks for writing!

Well that was very convienant for your story wasn't it. Edward tells Bella he's leaving... Walks down the street to get her flowers and BAM a reason to stay.
Your pretty fucking terrible with this angst shit.

Do you have to OvER explain everything?
Fuck, your main character just goes on and on and on

Why is Bella so weird? She killed a guy, on accident that was hurting someone. That man was a piece of shit and deserved it sooooooo why all the crying?

Why have Bella cry all the time? Does thatnadd to the story or make Bella seem week and pathetic?hmmm

great story! Really enjoyed it :)

YA that's right...a family of vampires knew that a man was going to try to expose them in a newspaper articale and what did they do? They simply sat back and let it happen of course!
it makes perfect sense does it not?

you've sacrificed their intelligence just so you could have the volturi come ... a smart choice? I fucking think not.

so Edward sees that it is in fact him that exposes his nature to humans...and all he does is tell them to forget about it and go home...?
and now knowing that the humans still talk...and the volturi will come...hes still not gonna do anything about it?
hes a fucking idea...go kill those humans before they open their big fucking mouths!
or go to them and threaten them with pain of death...its just seems so god damn stupid to just sit back and let it happen

oh good I was worried that she wouldn't be uncoordinated and have seriously low self esteem! Great, looks like you've covered all the stupid shit about bella.

So this is just like the real story except bella has already finished school? OH how creative of you!
Bellas still weak and needy...who in the fuck crys in their sleep? Stuuuupid.
We see that Edward is still a wordy...and whiny bitch.
Alice is still so annoying with her bs and meddling that we want to choke her out...
You couldn't come up with anything better then this? And don't start with the whiny well if you don't like it don't read it, or the oh so popular why don't you write something bullshit. I gave this huge piece of crap and a chance and you failed miserably...good job