Nice balance between his emotions, thoughts, and actions; it was dark, and I liked the last lines. Also, it seemed kinda abrupt, though in retrospect I can understand that since you were focusing on the emotions of the hero and emotions tend to jump.

Of course, I've always thought that Jack was a demon rather than just demonic, but it's all opinion I guess. Your writing style seems a lot simpler and less "flowery" than I'm used to, but it was still good in that way.

All in all, I liked it.

Good job as always.

"All of them slain in thier attempts to stop..." T?

hm.

Good emotions, thoughtshots and internal diologue.

term: "avenged sevenfold" may or may not be a good term but it made me laugh all day long.

Overall: Good first-timer oneshot.

P.S: found 2 terms that involve artists/lyrics/song names.

XD

Ohh, nice fic. :) It's nice once in a while to see fics just generally based on emotions, since they're quite hard to come by these days. xD

BTW, I heard from Fushigi about you. Said you wrote a new oneshot and told me to take a look. :3

Hyousetsu

Love it. BTW, you did give away slight neutrality with a hint of good alignment, and I saw one spelling mistake. For the actual story, this was great, I love it. What about the Guildmaster though? Although he mentioned the guild members being owned, he never mentioned the father-figure Guildmaster and his mortal wounds. Or Whisper, or Theresa, or his mom! (Or Whisper) It would've been better if you made it longer, about each character. Good job!

Great story! Poor hero... Thanks for writing this! God bless!

雖然不能說是膾炙人口,但也夠贊的

怎麼說呢？嗯,反正大致上沒啥錯誤,短篇但還是蠻好看的