I loved it.

Kitten, this is yaoi-tastic seriously. Expand on this and you could have a good little short story of like three chapters. That's just me thought..

I think cum, unless a female's, would be a terrible lubricant. When it's cold, it's sticky and hard. When it's hot, it's liquid-like. Saliva would be the better solution.

Other than that, you spelled prostate wrong (you typed prostrate), and most of the dialogue was wrong (no punctuation before the closing mark, such as a comma or a period, was there).

Other than that, it was a good story! Decent job on the lemon, for your first one. Practice makes perfect

You should make more chapters, if you need any ideas or help ask me. XD

Well oh dear if your going to hell so am i for reading so much of this type of stuff. I was laughing threw the lemon part because i was listening to Nyan Cat and if you ever read something that isn't actually pg and you are listening to something like that you cant help but laugh. Hehe ;P i think it would be really weird to have sex at school, imagine when they find the mess the next morning kehehe. I'm sure Daisuke would leave it and Satoshi kinda left before cleaning up.

i think it was good but can you tell me what lemon meen's i forgot lol

if you are going to hell for this, i'm going to a place much worse for liking this, and WORSE

good job, the lemon was plausible, although I don't know about the whole, "teen getting a hard on twice within five minutes" thing.

that was really awesome/great/wonderful. even if it was your first you did an amazing job on it. you should really consider continuing it. maybe you could do a situation where satoshi comes over to daisuke's house or the other way around. you should also maybe bring dark into the picture a little more? like have him in niwa's head and, out of guilt, staying quiet while satoshi and daisuke are doing the nasty. you should also have a scene where niwa is cursing dark out or something. but maybe a scenewhere satoshi confesses his love for niwa?

i don't know what you should write about 'cuz you're the original author and i would hate it if your writing style was affected by what other people say. i mean even if this was your first lemon it was still better than alot of the ones i've read.

God, that was hot! Daisuke is so lucky to have Satoshi talk to him like that!

This was really good :D Though I think it needs a sequal, like what happens the next day, do the girls at school find out, how does Daisuke feel about being the prize, how does Dark feel about what he witnessed, etc. I think there's more you can do with this.

sequil. it needs a sequil, it leaves some things unexplained, like whats darks reaction? what is daisukes plan? does he agree with all of this? is he bound or can he just blow it off? what more does satoshi have in store? is he just a toy or does satoshi also want his love? otherwise it was great.

It was awesome! And I think that if you continued it, Daisuke should have a confrontation with Dark about the bet, and finds out the he also likes Daisuke. It'd make a pretty awesome romancey dramatic love fest!

Lilia the uke rapist.

Nice lemon, but a tip for you;

Random bits of japanese is not "kawaii", it is "stupid".

Besides that, not bad.

Oh my! That was really good ! You should totally add to it. .

~streak

woah that was awesome I have always been a mega satoshi X daisuke fan! any chance of a chapter 2 then we can go to hell together!

and suggestions for lemons: cosplay ones are nice , showers, closets and car/train scenes are great especially if they get caught XD