that fic was awesome! thought you did a few spelling mistakes, I still loved it!

Hey there. I read your profile. I can't believe you like DragonBallZ too. I've recently been writing stories for that, and not a whole lot of people hang around there anymore. (Actually, not a whole lot of people will even admit they like it!)

Unfortunately, I also saw that you hate Hector/Lyndis stories, and they are my favorite pairing! Lucky for me, I like tons of pairings, and I don't support yaoi/yuri/incest either. (I could hug you for putting that in your profile). Kent/Florina is pretty interesting, I think. I want to write a story about that, but I need the motivation, first.

Okay, onto my (real) review!

This was pretty good. My only suggestions would be to not go so in-depth on such lengths of time. Does that make sense? Probably not...I'm so blasted tired these days!

What I mean is, you cover too much ground. Rather than depth dealing with the flow of time (writing over large gaps of time), next time, try writing more in depth about a character's feelings. Florina loves Hector, but she can't approach him herself. When she does, she generally makes a fool of herself. Hector's one of those guys who doesn't have any patience.

In your story, he acts like he's absolutely smitten with her. And Florina acts like she likes him, but she'll never know if she loves him, to be honest, if she can't get to really talk to the guy. What she's got is something more like a fascination, a puppy love.

Have you ever written anything more from Hector's point of view? That would be pretty interesting. Maybe a short little drabble or something. Practice with feelings and emotions, while keeping the characters in character. It's actually pretty fun.

I liked the interaction between Ninian and Florina in this a lot.

Keep up the good work. :)

Cheers,

Ciao,

-Manna

Well, all of it was correct to a point, but everything went WAY too fast. It should've been twice as long, and with more action, a little less dalogue. Anyways... yeah. Otherwise, very correct! :D

I liked it but you made a lot of spelling mistakes and there's a sentence which says "Thank you, Nino.' Florina hugged the girl. "I feel so along anymore. Thank you.'" Isn't it supposed to be I DON'T feel so alone anymore? Also instead of 'be' you put down b.

Yay! Florina/Hector! Its so nice to see this pairing. I'm a bit rusty on reviewing, but I'll try.

Anyways - you did a good job overall, but there are some things you might want to improve next time. Like dialogue. There was so much that it gets overwhelming. I think this story could have been divided into maybe 3 chapters - leave us hanging, add more description, have more unity. That was the main thing...there were some redundancies too. I think the lengthy dialogue was the biggest problem.

Otherwise, the story was good. I think it kind of got OOC from time to time. But it was pretty good, and a nice refreshing dose of my favorite pairings. Keep working on your writing and you'll get better. :D

Hm, it was really good, I enjoyed reading this, keep up the good work!