this story was pretty good but you should probably remove the parts where you say gun, bullet, and mention pulling a trigger, also the part where you mention hermione bleeding, the avada kedavra is a bloodless death.

WOW! Crazy stroy! But good.

"The wand was still up and pointed at her, his finger on the trigger, about ready to pull it." What trigger? O_o and why is hermione bleding near the end? avada kedavara doesnt make you bleed... -_-

uh...why is there blood and a shot..there's not suppose to be bullets shooting out a wand...that's odd...

awesome fic _ what a shock at the end, though O_O

but totally awesome

what the crud? everyone dies it's heart touching and i agree with u it is random but everyone? couldn't u make voldie take poly juice and look lauren so that he kills draco and the mudblood? and draco will never know. that she was voldie. or couldn't u make draco kill lauren slowly and painfully breaking her heart and all that crap?

But i give u this it was well written and appreciate that there were only few misspelled words in there.

hey...i like your story, its intriguing. for some reason it reminds me of alias, when syd returns from 'death'...don't know if you watch it but i love that show!

anyway, just a few things you missed, such as saying 'gun' a few times, and why would they have phones? and why did someone take a bullet...you should probably change the phones to coins, like in the DA, and make it jumping in front of a curse or something. other than that, nice one-shot, it'd make for an interesting novel-length!

Hi! I actually quite liked this. I usually stop reading when I see an original character like Lauren, but I'm glad I kept going. Great job!

loll no wonder avada kedavra involved a bullet, i thought it was strange before reading your A/N hehe. hmm, i thought the story is good and flows. just that you might want to change some pronouns to the characters' names or it gets really confusing esp when there are several characters in a scene. just a small thought but its still a good story! [:

keep it coming!

love, LD.