Lol pillows XD

Sq w

Please finish this story

You prepared your readers well for Bill's breakup with Fleur. It felt satisfying that she freed him up so he could be with Tonks.

That 11 inch oak and dragon heartstring wand must have come from a used or seconds bin. Usually Ollivanders charges 7 galleons for a new wand. 11 sickles is way below cost, you probably couldn't get a better deal at a yard sale.

Once again I'm having a hard time trying to understand the emotional import of a conversation. Harry and Draco react very poorly when Hermione wants to research Horcruxes and she makes the all too typical statement "You aren't even taking this seriously!" It is an insensitive thing for her to say, but we've come to expect that of her and so it seems like an overreaction to make a big deal of it.

The paragraphing makes the reader think that Luna said "Proud of yourself Granger?" instead of Draco.

Fireplace? The fireplace at 4 Privet Dr is not connected to the floo normally, and if it is, they can travel that way rather than via broom. Then of course they can travel via the same portkey Hermione is using, which is also safer than a broom convoy. Of course, they have to Apparate to Diagon Alley in order to buy their fancy new racing brooms, so they might just as well have Apparated to 12 Grimmauld Place as Diagon Alley and saved a lot of money by not buying three racing brooms, and again traveled safer.

This parody of OP and DH only points once again to the same plot holes in canon.

The head goblin is Ragnok, not Ragnot. The creatures with the crumpled horns are Snorkacks, not Snorcacks.

You never explained why the Order of the Phoenix was interrogating Harry, Luna and Draco in the storeroom of WWW instead of the Order headquarters at 12 Grimmauld Place, London.

The scene change between Harry's bedroom and the outdoor restaurant in Diagon Alley was too abrupt. One moment they are sitting on his bed and the next they are sitting at an outdoor restaurant table without any warning whatsoever. No wonder Luna asks if Draco is feeling alright! Is Harry's cold chill down the spine because he suddenly finds himself outside?

Draco sucking on a fag? What is wrong with this picture? He's way too polished and sophisticated to have such a lower class habit. In the wizarding world only Mundungus Fletcher and the hags in the Leaky Cauldron and Hog's Head Inn smoke.

I should be liking this story better than I am, but it's just not feeling right.

I think it's the moments of unexpected and unintended parody. In this chapter, the scene with Bill, Tonks, and Kingsley was definitely one of those moments. There was also the scene where Harry tries to save Luna from the dementors and fails... and Draco Malfoy saves them both!

In the last chapter there were a couple of interactions where Harry was unnaturally short and rude to Luna as though in imitation of the Harry/Hermione relationship. And of course every time this Harry lights up a cigarette it creates a majorly OOC moment. (Harry never spends money on himself in canon, even for things he needs, let alone foolish indulgences; and he would never be so inconsiderate of others as to smoke in their presence.)

I forgot to comment on it in chapter 1, but there seems to be a location continuity problem: Harry walks from his aunt's home (in Little Whinging, Surrey) down to the corner grocery (in London!) to buy a few things for his aunt's dinner party. The walk back from London to Surrey (unaided by Apparition) takes only an hour! (Still an overly long jaunt for a few groceries.)

If you're going to have Harry get a tattoo that reads 'In the end there is only darkness' in Latin, along with a phoenix, then perhaps you should change the genre to 'parody'. (You do know that the phoenix is supposed to be a creature of pure light, don't you?) Is there a minimum age for getting a tattoo in Britain? There obviously should be a higher one for this story.

Also, it rather puts your hero in an identity crisis if you dress him in silk shirts after giving him a biker-dude hairstyle and piercing. (More parody, anyone?)

Just so you know, making Harry smoke is a major turnoff for me. I almost stopped reading right there.

Also, authors that are too coy are annoying more than entertaining. If the main character knows someone's name, then the audience should be told also. There is no point in making a mystery where none exists for the main character. In fact, it's more fun for the audience to know more than the main character does, and then watch him fumble around and try to figure out what you already know. It makes you want to shout out the answer to him.

Love it... UPDATE PLEASE! Its almost been 3 years!

A truly excellent story. Very good characters and story line. I enjoyed reading it very much. I was terribly sorry to read that it hadn't been updated in almost three years. It would be a shame to abandon such an interesting story.

hey gud work..i really like your story..u really write well..plz update soon and gud luck