i wish you had continued the story! i really want to know what happens to her!

You know, at this moment, I REALLY want to see your character die.

1.) She's a Sue. She is the EPITOME of Sue's. The first spoken words in this fic are '"Is she an angel?"' Ridiculous. You put so much stress on her apparently ethereal looks. And my gosh, she's a genius as well! And- Lord have mercy- A model. A MODEL! God rest your doomed soul. Coming from an atheist, that means a lot.

2.) Lack of an explanation. She's going to die. Okay, I can see that. Great. That's exactly what this character needs, death in the form of a brutal stoning, flame throwing blow torch, acid, and then lastly a large animal. Perhaps a rabid baboon. But WHY is she going to die? Judging from the blood at the end of the chapter tuberculosis?

3.) OOCness. Tezuka for one, DOES NOT BLUSH, DOES NOT STUTTER AND AS FAR AS I HAVE COME TO SEE SHOWS NO EMOTION. Just because he doesn't show emotion, doesn't mean it isn't there. But you really need to find a better way of expressing it.

4.) Premarital sex between minors. She's SHE'S FOUR FUCKING TEEN! WHAT THE ARE YOU DOING WRITING A SEX SCENE WITH FOURTEEN YEAR OLDS! It happens- a lot. I know. But do you really think that Tezuka Kunimitsu, the same Tezuka Kunimitsu that's motto is "Don't do anything reckless." would do something as totally brainless as screwing an old friend (and apparently one whom he's not on the best terms with) the same day she comes back?

In conclusion...

Your fic is vomit provoking. In fact, I am going to give myself a standing ovation for reading this far with my eyes bleeding, bursting into spontaneous combustion or committing suicide. You need a life. And literary lessons. You happen to be THE most sorry excuse for a writer I have ever had the displeasure of reviewing.

Do you have any questions? Comments? Complaints? If you would like to contact me and chew me out- fine. So be it. Do as you please. But mark my words, I will fight back. Any argument you throw at me I can fight back because unlike some people (and as I type this, I glare pointedly at your atrocity daringly calling itself a 'story')I have a brain and I use said brain at least half the time.

And with those last sugar coated words of parting, I bid you adieu. Sayonara. Adios. Da svidaniya.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find some rubbing alcohol to pour into my eyes.

~~Rain

Ano. can you plz update it sooner coz. i want to know its ending. i like it very much. hm. i am sad coz Ayako have just three days to be with Tezuka.

my,my...is she going to die after three days?

oh man, that was intense kinda.

this is a perfect masterpiece. wonderfully crafted...

perfect..

hope you'll update it soon...

God bless!

W-O-N-D-E-R-F-U-L!

so love it... haha... very... very.. creative plot...

the fanfic was really great. hope you could update really soon. i know something bad would happen to ayako. it really sad but then i want to know!

Whoa. That was a lot :D, you don't see lots of PoT fics this long the first chapter '3' . So...umm yeah.

Really detailed.

Loves the words you used.

err what else?

I can't wait for the next chPTER! SO SEE YA Lter!