I really enjoyed your story. It was very interesting and I couldn't stop reading.

i salute you sir

"They're not even in any kind of formation," Leonidas' voice was vaguely disapproving and disappointed. (comma splice)

"We'll know if these warriors are truly Achilles'," Shaka removed a pair of binoculars from his kit and held them to his eyes. (comma splice)

"Well, I've learned much from this," Shaka actually laughed at Leonidas' tone, "Why do you laugh?" (comma splices)

"Look," Shaka said, and watched as the holes he had noticed in the Risen ranks seemed to swell with the regularity of a beating heart. (unnecessary comma after "said")

"Then the two were back on their feet, whirling in the little circle they had created in the midst of hungry Risen, and congealed blood began to fall like some dreadful precipitation dreamed up by a mad god." (I really liked this wording. Very visual and tactile word play.) _

"Yes, my lord," the phalanx-commander bowed his head briefly and turned to his Warrior-Hunters, "Back to the barracks!" (comma splice)

The group stepped out into a scene reminiscent of a Mad Max movie. (LOL! There were several times this story made me think of Mad Max because of the shared survival themes. _ Too funny that you should mention that!)

The big man, Lucas stepped in front of Achilles, a huge revolver in his hands, "Slowly!" (comma splice)

The Immortals were just as fast as the big Myrmidon and several hi-powered rifles were steady on the man in a flash. (needs a comma before the conjunction to join two independent clauses)

Achilles moved Lucas out of the way, "Let there be only ..." (comma splice)

There were a lot of comma splices in this chapter, but in spite of how it looks, it didn't pull me out of the reading too much. I actually didn't want to stop reading to make note of the grammar, so that tells you how much of my full attention you had for the final scene with the homecoming. (Yay for homecoming!) Most of the time a simple period replacing the comma will fix comma splices. If you want to keep the commas, I'd suggest inserting a tag word/ phrase. Content-wise, however, this is -exactly- the kind of ending I was hoping for. It ties off all the plot threads. It accomplishes their goal. It returns to familiar characters that were missed. It's the very best ending I think this story could have had. _ Great story! Thanks so much for sharing it!

A couple of noteable nice scenes in this one. First, I like the journal on the observance of Thanksgiving. There was a dark humour in eating instant potatoes while Risen clawed at their walls, but it was quaint, too - a reminder that holidays should be more about spirit than circumstance or event.

And, of course the death of Tempest ... To be honest, I didn't like her character that much, but I think you redeemed her in this chapter. And it was sad to see how everyone who knew her reacted. Very nice touch. Very nice resolution to motivate the characters onward.

"I thought you said they were awake, Tempest," Alanna turned to the younger Myrmidon with a subtle glare. ("Turned" isn't a tag word.)

"Linda grumbled something as Alanna turned her around in order to look into the Other's eyes.." (double periods)

" replied with an answering grin." (needs a space)

Yeah, I know I'm being nitpicky tonight with grammar. Or maybe I'm just more alert tonight since I've got more time for reading. _ Another great action chapter. Closing in on the end!

"Jarvis' heart, damaged beyond repair by his drug abuse, felt as though it would burst apart as he increased his pace towards huge metal doors with something painted across them.

It looked like an X."

Don don DONNNNN! (insert dramatic music here) _ Love the way the understatement is done for this bit.

"comm.-equipment" (Perhaps, "comm-equipment"? Again, I've never seen a period and a hyphen together like that, even if it's an abbreviation.)

Great action, great return to core plot. Great chapter over-all.

Wow. This is a good chapter to bring up what hit me in the last one. The story started with the monsters being zombies, but more and more the People are fighting other people instead. Your descriptions of the Others are so nasty, it makes the zombies seem like the good guys! _ But it makes me wonder how most of humanity came to be so disgusting. And even though these others sound like true low-lifes, it makes me squeamish the way it puts one group of people in a position to judge who is worthy of survival and who should be exterminated. Basically, humanity is having to destroy itself in order to save itself - nevermind the dead infecting people with disease. But that's the paradox of every war and every historical attempt at genocide. They've become executioners of their own species, but it's based on criminal behavior, rather than race, nationality, religion, etc. Maybe I'm reading more into it than you intended, but that's what I'm seeing here - a classic paradox that kills off segments of humanity in order to save it. Very interesting and controversial subject matter to write about, intentional or not.

"Silent and Tempest nodded before springing into ground-eating strides that carried them away." (I really liked this wording. It's powerful and visual, so I had to pause and admire it and mention it.) _

"Silent, out front as usual, stopped behind a six foot high wooden fence." (too many adjectives used as one unit - needs hyphenating: "six-foot-high, wooden")

"Her decision made, Alanna gestured for them to ascend the domicile, and led the charge." (second comma not needed)

"They scrambled silently to the top of the shed and Alanna boosted the other two up to the roof before being assisted in turn with her ascension." (two independent clauses joined by conjunction needs a comma: "... shed, and Alanna ...")

"The backpack contraption probably weighed fifteen pounds but she took the weight with only a small grunt." (same as above: "... pounds, but she ..."

comm.-gear. (Not sure what this is. Maybe "comm-gear"? Never seen a period and hyphen together like that.)

Content-wise, I think I'm glad to see the tension return to survival mode against the Risen, moreso than the Others, even though they are still dealing with more new people. Something else struck me concerning combat against other humans, instead of zombies, but I'll save it for after I've read it a bit more to see what you've done with it. Good chapter! _

Ah, this chapter returns to main plot and action. Good timing, and the ending of this chapter leaves an impression of progress as well as giving an interesting insight on the fight or flight dilemma. (Spare yourself or help your loved ones?) The desperation of their situation is felt again in a very memorable way. Good chapter. _

"You have a plan, Lord Achilles?" Tzu asked but they all knew Achilles would.. (double periods)

"Grant's Bend," Tempest frowned as she named the town where Achilles and Silent had met, "The road between here and there will be covered in Risen. How are we going to sneak out in those loud-ass trucks?" ("frowned" not a tag word; comma splice after "met")

Content-wise, for me, the plot felt a little lost amid all the naked bodies in this chapter. There are plot plans at the beginning of the chapter, but they are overwhelmed by the bathing, sex, and initiate-strip scenes at the end - and the end is what leaves the strongest impression. I realize Achilles and Alanna needed a chance to do their thing. Maybe the girls joining at the end of the chapter moves the plot forward - need to keep reading to see about that. But I had to re-read the first part of the chapter to remind myself where the plot was heading next. Not a bad chapter. Just felt more like a diversion than progress. Shifting the most important information to the end would probably help balance it out, if that can be done without screwing with the timeline of events.

Good chapter with a new challenge. This sentence pulled me out of the action for a re-read, though: "He looked up, Alanna could not help but to admire the way his muscles strained against the fabric of his bodysuit, and grinned." The paragraph is from Alanna's perspective, but it looks like one sentence is interrupting the flow of another here. Might be less confusing if his actions of looking up and grinning were put closer together somehow. Other than that, good chapter with a bit of eerie feel to it, particularly toward the end with the "No Hope" banner. :)

"But, this new world has taught me many things, chief among them that race has even less meaning. There are only people who try to do the right thing and people that only do the wrong thing."

Favourite part of tonight's reading. _ I don't believe defining right and wrong are that simple, but I absolutely agree that how we behave toward other people defines us more than where we come from. Where we come from -should- enrich us (two races, five nationalities, and multiple regional cultures in my own family heritages). But regardless of what made us physically or culturally who we are, we as individuals choose whether to help or hurt others. That's what it comes down to, ne? Some very good points made in dialog regarding prejudices.

I also liked the mention of what's going on with the government. It's easy to understand government collapse from the sheer lack of law enforcement in this setting, but explanations are nice because they give more details. Onward! _

Name spelling change was Tzu in previous chapter, but now "... Tsu's family out."

Lots of good action and descriptives in the past few chapters. I really get a grimy feeling for the setting and the fights. Ick. Well done. _

There was a name switch for Silent in the line that says "utterly decimate Silence".

I like the unexpected switch to Richard's journal for pov. I think it gives a well-rounded perspective, and a nice bit of variety, the way you've been going between the various characters to tell the story. It's also an effective way to show passage of time for something like training. :)

"The girl began speaking in sign language as soon as he eyes settled on Achilles." (Probably should read "her eyes".) And nice to see an Asian guy join the team. Hm, ... English name, ... from Taiwan or Hong Kong maybe? I guess I should read more before guessing. _ Good training chapter.