I like what u do with ur fanfic its funny

I really like your story (I like any NaruHina) and I love the "reveal" of Naruto, the way he confessed to Hinata. BUT, you have a major problem. You NEED to make a separation when we move to other people, if they aren't at the same place as the people talking previously. It gets so confusing when we move from Naruto and Hinata speaking to Gaara and his girlfriend. Another major thing that is tied to what I said before, so many times we don't know who is speaking! I swear it makes your story so hard to follow and breaks the advancement of the fic when you have to spend time figuring out who said what. It doesn't happen all the time and we're often able to find out quickly. But even when there's only two people, it's sometimes confusing. The fact that you seldom use "said Naruto", "explained Kiba", "whispered Hinata" or any other variation, makes a pain to understand. When there's more than two people...
I don't know if you plan to comeback to this story or not, you might have moved on or something, but I assure you that it wouldn't be a bad idea.
I like your story and I'm sure lots more people would if it was easier to understand.

oh my. she got preggers!

i like this chapter it was "different"

now this is how its supposed to be done bravo this is definitely my favorite

Nicely done... but it was kind of hard to follow along with. And there are three things I could have done without, but who cares:

-Yoko-chan working for Orochimaru? It can't be!

-I can't believe you let Sasuke-doofus get away!

-How DARE you kill off Itachi-kun! (Inner Alicia: I WILL GET YOU FOR THAT!)

Still, NARUTO AND HINATA ARE TOGETHER! Whee! I look forward to reading the sequel.

Pleased to make your day I-luv-those-who-review!

Alicia-chan

Sweet! I liked very mucho. Definitely going on my Favorites list! I like how you didn't rush things... but there were a few small errors. Glad to make your day I-luv-those-who-review! Have some cookies!

Alicia-chan

add in lemon

add in the lemon

...

...

Ah, things are getting interesting! Seriously though, if you had left out that lemon from earlier, I think this part at the end would have been a much better plot twist. People would get to here and all of a sudden, HUH! SHE'S PREGNANT! WHAT WENT ON BACK THERE!

But oh well, it's your story, not mine. Now how is Naruto going to avoid a swift and untimely death at the hands of Neji and Hiashi? I guess I just have to keep reading to find out. :-)

Decent fight scene, but there are a few things that would make it easier to read. First, like I said before, be careful of language that sounds scripty (not as bad in this chapter but still there in a few places). Second, be careful about assuming that people know who is talking. For example:

"Kabuto... What are you doing here? And put me down."

"Orochimaru didn't think you could do it on your own so he sent me to get you. Plus you can't even stand on your own."

"That bastard."

"Put him down. He's coming with me back to Konoha."

"Not a chance," and with that he jumped off into the desert where he couldn't be seen by Naruto, who stayed conscious just long enough to see that Sasuke had gotten away again.

Here are 5 lines of dialog with no explicit indication of who is saying what, it's left up to the reader to decide. Now reading this and taking a second you can figure out pretty easily who is saying what, but that second is enough to break the mood for a lot of people (myself included). You do this quite a bit in this story, and it does negatively affect the readability. Specify explicitly who is talking, it makes it a lot easier to read.

Bottom line is, if there is any possibility that someone will not get who is talking immediately, then state it flat out.

Also, on another note, why wasn't Naruto using the chakra shield? I mean, he had 3 tails of the fox out. When he was fighting with Sauske the first time, he only had one, and the shield came out. (remember the big red hand made of Chakra he used to smack Sauske?).

That begin said, the plot is heating up. I'm interested in what happens next.

No, you did not just throw a lemon in there! Was that really necessary?

Other than that, the plot seems to be getting interesting.

Better than the last chapter, still a bit scripty, but not as much as last time. Still could go a bit more slowly but better.

Wow, Naruto is trying to get hot and heavy real fast there isn't he? Now what's Kakashi doing there?