Hi,

I enjoyed your story. You worked within the framework of book one but didn't let it confine you into a forced retelling of her story.

Well told.

Old-Crow

awesome

Poor Petunia... D:

Well, it was an interesting read. Personally, though, I really didn't enjoy it very much. It feels like you hit all the major points of canon, so any plot differences are negligible... so there wasn't much new. It also left me confusion over some differences, like why Harry is with the Dursleys to begin with. The major difference, for me, is in characterization - and it seems sanitized. All of them seem brighter and lighter, except Dumbles who oddly seems more forthright in his prejudices and desire to mold outcomes, His character, though, is also sanitized - justification for his actions or the appropriate guilt seem to abound. Overall, I can't decide if the smaller twists that you have added are enough to make it worth reading the sequels. I'm just not sure I'm engaged enough to continue.

So far this is really interesting, but I feel like... well, it's a bit too "feel good" of a story? Unless that's what you were going for.

You've changed a bunch of things that went wrong in canon (Sirius being framed, Dursleys being assholes) but haven't really added more problems. In addition these changes don't seem to have changed much in the way of events happening...

Hermione and Harry still run into the Troll in a bathroom for instance. Seems like you're following the major plot points of canon but changing all the interactions otherwise for the better, which leads to a story that's interesting but not exciting.

Fantastic job for a first story though, kudos.

I like seeing the Dursleys portrayed as reasonable people, well done.

Very enjoyable and unique twists on canon; a very fresh view. Also nicely written from top to end. Thanks for a great read!

Nice start. The one thing I never quite get. If both the Longbottoms and Potters were going under the Fidelius, the obvious choice would be for James to be Frank's secret keeper and vice versa. Closed loop, much more secure and it would have seemed an abvious solution. Arghh..

Very nicely done re-interpretation of book 1! Thanks for a great read so far; now off to the next installment!

It's always nice to see a Doctor Who reference. Family of blood, wasn't it? Anyway, great story so far.

This story made some random changes to the PS/SS plot, but in the end it was a bit of a disappointment.

On the plus side, Harry wasn't sent out into the Forbidden Forest after curfew for a curfew violation. On the minus side, Harry was sent out into the Forbidden Forest for a detention, but he failed to see Quirrellmort drink unicorn blood which is the whole point of the adventure in the JKR original.

The unexplained modifications to the Mirror of Erised weren't an improvement. And we know Dumbledore's true feelings on blood sacrifices so it doesn't seem right that he would employ one.

The killing of Quirrell through skin contact was made even more horrific and inappropriate for an 11 year old boy to be doing. It was a little Deus Ex Machina like, only by having Harry do several other such things with his magic before then.

We never did learn who was Mr. Mist in the Forest. Quirrell denies that it's Voldemort, which is the natural explanation. We also never learn what's going on with Zacharias Smith. He's apparently just a red herring tossed into the mix.

The story started out with plenty of promise that things would be different, so it was quite disappointing when they ended up the same. The story had a lot of potential that was wasted.

"Unfortunately Harry, Hagrid proved unable to keep the story secret; he informed the customers of the Three Broomsticks, and the whole story was in the Daily Prophet a few days later. It was quite the conversation topic."

Dumbledore said with a scowl. Harry sank back onto his pillow, groaning in frustration.

This is improper paragraphing. It should be as follows:

"Unfortunately Harry, Hagrid proved unable to keep the story secret; he informed the customers of the Three Broomsticks, and the whole story was in the Daily Prophet a few days later. It was quite the conversation topic," Dumbledore said with a scowl.

Harry sank back onto his pillow, groaning in frustration.

"Well… It's the Forest!" Hagrid chuckled.

When presented as a single paragraph like this, it should mean that Hagrid spoke the words "Well… It's the Forest!" accompanied by chuckles. It should not mean (as you used it) that Hagrid chuckled at the remark SOMEONE ELSE made that it was the Forest. A paragraph should be about ONE TOPIC ONLY. When that topic is an item of dialog, it should include the quote and who the speaker was and any description of him and what he was doing as he spoke. Any REACTION to his quote should go in the FOLLOWING paragraph!

Two very interesting encounters in the forest!

This chapter is pretty much a regurgitation of canon.

Hermione doesn't have a very profound desire, does she? I'd think she'd see herself as Minister of Magic.

I've seen a couple of instances now of "too" being spelled as "to".

I like that Dumbledore wasn't so cheap as to give Harry his own cloak back as a Christmas present.